The Planet Podcast, Episode 408: Lexington and Concord
Kelka are discussing Catherine Rothberg's ulterior motives with Helena:
KC: What do you think Catherine's motive is with Helena? She clearly..there's something else going on here.
Elka: I don't know; I get that feeling too, like something's up.
KC: She's conning her or something, or maybe blackmail...I dunno. Something's going on.
Elka: She might just be having fun with her.
KC: Well what's with all these over the top looks of..she looks like Inspector Gadget or something. She's like, [parodying/dramatic tone]"Hmmm."
Elka: [laughs]
KC: You know what I mean?
Elka: Yeah, like she's holding a cat in her lap gently stroking it. [mock evil voice] "I'll get you next time Helena."
KC: It's so ridiculous and over the top. It'll be Helena and Catherine, and they'll have this little scene, and then Helena walks out of the scene, and they show Catherine like [mocking evil chuckling] rubbing her hands together.
Elka: [laughs] Yeah, it's just like the telenovelas on Telemundo.
KC: [laughs]
Elka: Maybe Catherine has an evil twin whose been in a coma.
The conversation made me think of Dr. Evil from "Austin Powers."
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Kelkaaaaaaa!
The Planet Podcast, Season 4 Preview Show
KC is reading some listener feedback:
KC: Giovanna...do you think she made that name up?
Elka: No.
KC: Giovanna? How many Giovanna's have you met in your life?
Elka: Maybe she's Italian.
KC: Giovanna says...
Elka: I used to know a Giovanni.
KC: Really?
Elka: Uh huh
KC: Was he a chef?
Elka: He was a black guy.
KC: Was he a chef? [laughing]
Elka: Well I just meant it was weird that it's an Italian name..."
KC: "Was he a plumber?" "No, he was a black guy."
I'm glad they didn't cut that out.
KC is reading some listener feedback:
KC: Giovanna...do you think she made that name up?
Elka: No.
KC: Giovanna? How many Giovanna's have you met in your life?
Elka: Maybe she's Italian.
KC: Giovanna says...
Elka: I used to know a Giovanni.
KC: Really?
Elka: Uh huh
KC: Was he a chef?
Elka: He was a black guy.
KC: Was he a chef? [laughing]
Elka: Well I just meant it was weird that it's an Italian name..."
KC: "Was he a plumber?" "No, he was a black guy."
I'm glad they didn't cut that out.
Monday, May 28, 2007
I Don't Like to Make the Choice
I have a few random, somewhat queer-related thoughts:
- Panty shopping is fun. It's not really very practical, but it's gratifying to find different panties that reflect my fluctuating moods and gender identities. While it's nice to have someone to show them to (and to have take off), it's also fun to be the only one who sees them. I can express myself in a small way without feeling judged.
- I'm in a bit of Kelka withdrawal.
- I've come to the conclusion that I've been thinking a bit too much about my own sexuality and gender identity. It's great that I'm being contemplative, but I also need to practic going with the flow, doing whatever I feel, and being okay with that.
- I think I'm one of those bisexuals who is gay for a while and then straight for a while. Perhaps it's because it's less overwhelming that way.
- The breeders really should be thanking the homos for helping to keep the population in check through nonviolent means. If heterosexuals would be more selective and less rampant about reproducing, then maybe there wouldn't be as many homosexuals. I shall do some more formal research on the topic.
Friday, May 25, 2007
Circles
Is it just me, or does the dude in this advertisement for HIV medication look like his sexuality is ambiguous?
I know I could be reading too much into it, but why do advertisements have to perpetuate the stereotype that gay men are the largest population with HIV? Especially coming from drug companies offering treatment from HIV.
Bah!
I know I could be reading too much into it, but why do advertisements have to perpetuate the stereotype that gay men are the largest population with HIV? Especially coming from drug companies offering treatment from HIV.
Bah!
Boredom Kills
The Planet Podcast, Off Season: OrcaDome
KC told the infamous story about the cleaning lady and her hilariously bad drawing of a cat shitting. Later, Kelka are about to engage in a competitive sport known as Word Associations. Elka explains that this is what happens when "The L Word" is between seasons:
Elka: Because this is what we do when "The L Word" isn't on. We're fucking desperate people! We need more "L Word"! Or else we're reduced to talking about cartoons of cats with poop flying out of their ass!
KC: [laughs] It's like dripping out.
Elka: Look at it! Look at the distance!
KC: No, turn it over...I can't...I already studied it..today.
Elka: [laughs]
I love how they analyze this drawing and try to find the right word to describe just how exactly the poop exits the stick figured cat's ass.
KC told the infamous story about the cleaning lady and her hilariously bad drawing of a cat shitting. Later, Kelka are about to engage in a competitive sport known as Word Associations. Elka explains that this is what happens when "The L Word" is between seasons:
Elka: Because this is what we do when "The L Word" isn't on. We're fucking desperate people! We need more "L Word"! Or else we're reduced to talking about cartoons of cats with poop flying out of their ass!
KC: [laughs] It's like dripping out.
Elka: Look at it! Look at the distance!
KC: No, turn it over...I can't...I already studied it..today.
Elka: [laughs]
I love how they analyze this drawing and try to find the right word to describe just how exactly the poop exits the stick figured cat's ass.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Love Knows No Boundaries
The Planet Podcast, Episode 401: Legend in the Making
KC: Okay, so then Kit shows up there. You know, and she's helping her sister, but the most important scene there was that...what do you think I'm gonna say?
Elka: Uh...I don't know.
KC: Well, instead of saying it
Elka: You're gonna spray it?
KC: [laughs] Well, instead of saying it, let me ask you a question, Elka. Have you ever kissed someone who just barfed?
Elka: Yes I have.
KC: WHAT!? Who? Was it me? Was it a baby?
Elka: I used to like to drink in college!
KC: No, let me rephrase the question: have you ever kissed someone who just barfed?
Elka: Yes!
KC: Maybe you're not understanding me. Someone just barfed. Did you kiss them?
Elka: I'm not telling you.
KC: EWWW, ya strung out whore! Okay, [flips paper] so, what you're saying is that you could relate to the Manny kissing Kit's vomitus face.
I loved the "rephrasing" of the question. And I have a thing for hideous words like "vomitus." They make me laugh with disgust.
KC: Okay, so then Kit shows up there. You know, and she's helping her sister, but the most important scene there was that...what do you think I'm gonna say?
Elka: Uh...I don't know.
KC: Well, instead of saying it
Elka: You're gonna spray it?
KC: [laughs] Well, instead of saying it, let me ask you a question, Elka. Have you ever kissed someone who just barfed?
Elka: Yes I have.
KC: WHAT!? Who? Was it me? Was it a baby?
Elka: I used to like to drink in college!
KC: No, let me rephrase the question: have you ever kissed someone who just barfed?
Elka: Yes!
KC: Maybe you're not understanding me. Someone just barfed. Did you kiss them?
Elka: I'm not telling you.
KC: EWWW, ya strung out whore! Okay, [flips paper] so, what you're saying is that you could relate to the Manny kissing Kit's vomitus face.
I loved the "rephrasing" of the question. And I have a thing for hideous words like "vomitus." They make me laugh with disgust.
Monday, May 21, 2007
Three Things...
I haven't done a survey in years, so here goes:
Favorite colors:
1. royal blue
2. the combination of black and pink
3. green
That scare me:
1. Big, ugly bugs.
2. Feeling completely out of control.
3. Feeling completely disconnected from the world.
That I don't understand:
1. Why it's so wrong to swear..words are just arrangements of sounds. It's the meaning behind them that can be offensive.
2. Why most people are mostly heterosexual.
3. How people manage to create brilliant works of art.
Current favorite TV shows:
1. "Six Feet Under"...I'm on season 2, and I'm still enjoying the writing
2. "Curb Your Enthusiasm"...so fucking hilarious!
3. "Oz"...it's so raw
Current favorite films:
1. "Closer"
2. "Fight Club"
2. "The Big Lebowski"
Current favorite bands/musical artists:
1. Bonobo
2. Peaches
3. *cough* Justin Timberlake *cough*
That are good about my personality:
1. Attentive, sincere listener
2. Pretty witty
3. Articulate
That are bad about my personality:
1. Can be too critical/judgemental
2. I can think too much.
3. I can take sarcasm too far without knowing it.
That I like about my body:
1. Relatively petite but relatively curvy
2. Soft/cuddly
3. Eyes
That I dislike about my body:
1. Facial structure
2. My thick hair can be dictated by the humidity, and sometimes de-poofing products can only do so much to prevent an afrosphere from emanating around my head
3. I'm intolerant to several foods/ingredients, and it can be a pain
Words that I say the most:
1. uh
2. fuck
3. bullshit
Things you wish you could do all day:
1. Write
2. Get cardio-induced endorphin rushes
3. Be in bed with someone I care about
Physical features in females that I find attractive:
1. doesn't need tons of make up to be pretty
2. hair that's flatter and straighter than mine
3. relatively slender figure
Physical features in males that I find attractive:
1. GOATEE...guys who look good with facial hair melt my panties off
2. dark hair with blue or green eyes...yummy
3. broad shoulders
That I'm weak for:
1. beautiful interracial people...if I do make babies, they will definitley be mixed
2. watching entire seasons of TV on DVD
3. chocolate
Things that you look for in a partner:
1. complementary personalities...we gotta be able to make each other laugh
2. similar principles...that we both are working towards following
3. intelligence
That piss me off:
1. bigotry/closemindedness
2. how programmed we all are
3. PMS
I can't live without:
1. My iPod
2. the internet
3. Whole Foods
Male celebrities I want to fuck:
1. Wes Bentley
2. Christopher Meloni
3. Clive Owen (if I could pick four, I'd include a younger Dylan McDermott)
Female celebrities I want to fuck:
1. Carly Pope!!
2. Zhang Ziyi...the way she was in "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon"
3. A less anorexic, non-collegen injected Keira Knightley...she was super cute in "Bend it Like Beckham" (if I could pick four, I'd include a younger Lisa Marie Presley)
Pet peeves:
1. People who make you do all the work in the conversation..if you
want to talk to me, then you have to engage me too!!
2. People who interrupt and talk just to hear themselves speak
3. Drunken straight girls who make out for horny guys' benefit.
Superpowers you want:
1. That I could morph my body to express how I feel in any particular moment
2. That I could fly
3. That I could control the weather
Wishes:
1. I want a remote control to life
2. The world should be 70% gay, 15 % bi, and 15% hetero
3. People need to acquire parenting liscenses before reproducing
Things people wouldn't expect from me:
1. In spite of all the bitching I do about breeders, I think it can be cute/hot when I see a guy carrying a baby on his chest or back
2. People know me to be a slightly uptight health nut, but every now and then, I need to drink a bit too much and shake my ass to airheaded pop music
3. I used to be addicted to "Seventh Heaven," but I'm proud to say that I've been clean for about four years now.
Goals you wish to achieve:
1. Return to a state of sustainable physical fitness
2. Write something that gets published
3. Financial independence
Favorite colors:
1. royal blue
2. the combination of black and pink
3. green
That scare me:
1. Big, ugly bugs.
2. Feeling completely out of control.
3. Feeling completely disconnected from the world.
That I don't understand:
1. Why it's so wrong to swear..words are just arrangements of sounds. It's the meaning behind them that can be offensive.
2. Why most people are mostly heterosexual.
3. How people manage to create brilliant works of art.
Current favorite TV shows:
1. "Six Feet Under"...I'm on season 2, and I'm still enjoying the writing
2. "Curb Your Enthusiasm"...so fucking hilarious!
3. "Oz"...it's so raw
Current favorite films:
1. "Closer"
2. "Fight Club"
2. "The Big Lebowski"
Current favorite bands/musical artists:
1. Bonobo
2. Peaches
3. *cough* Justin Timberlake *cough*
That are good about my personality:
1. Attentive, sincere listener
2. Pretty witty
3. Articulate
That are bad about my personality:
1. Can be too critical/judgemental
2. I can think too much.
3. I can take sarcasm too far without knowing it.
That I like about my body:
1. Relatively petite but relatively curvy
2. Soft/cuddly
3. Eyes
That I dislike about my body:
1. Facial structure
2. My thick hair can be dictated by the humidity, and sometimes de-poofing products can only do so much to prevent an afrosphere from emanating around my head
3. I'm intolerant to several foods/ingredients, and it can be a pain
Words that I say the most:
1. uh
2. fuck
3. bullshit
Things you wish you could do all day:
1. Write
2. Get cardio-induced endorphin rushes
3. Be in bed with someone I care about
Physical features in females that I find attractive:
1. doesn't need tons of make up to be pretty
2. hair that's flatter and straighter than mine
3. relatively slender figure
Physical features in males that I find attractive:
1. GOATEE...guys who look good with facial hair melt my panties off
2. dark hair with blue or green eyes...yummy
3. broad shoulders
That I'm weak for:
1. beautiful interracial people...if I do make babies, they will definitley be mixed
2. watching entire seasons of TV on DVD
3. chocolate
Things that you look for in a partner:
1. complementary personalities...we gotta be able to make each other laugh
2. similar principles...that we both are working towards following
3. intelligence
That piss me off:
1. bigotry/closemindedness
2. how programmed we all are
3. PMS
I can't live without:
1. My iPod
2. the internet
3. Whole Foods
Male celebrities I want to fuck:
1. Wes Bentley
2. Christopher Meloni
3. Clive Owen (if I could pick four, I'd include a younger Dylan McDermott)
Female celebrities I want to fuck:
1. Carly Pope!!
2. Zhang Ziyi...the way she was in "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon"
3. A less anorexic, non-collegen injected Keira Knightley...she was super cute in "Bend it Like Beckham" (if I could pick four, I'd include a younger Lisa Marie Presley)
Pet peeves:
1. People who make you do all the work in the conversation..if you
want to talk to me, then you have to engage me too!!
2. People who interrupt and talk just to hear themselves speak
3. Drunken straight girls who make out for horny guys' benefit.
Superpowers you want:
1. That I could morph my body to express how I feel in any particular moment
2. That I could fly
3. That I could control the weather
Wishes:
1. I want a remote control to life
2. The world should be 70% gay, 15 % bi, and 15% hetero
3. People need to acquire parenting liscenses before reproducing
Things people wouldn't expect from me:
1. In spite of all the bitching I do about breeders, I think it can be cute/hot when I see a guy carrying a baby on his chest or back
2. People know me to be a slightly uptight health nut, but every now and then, I need to drink a bit too much and shake my ass to airheaded pop music
3. I used to be addicted to "Seventh Heaven," but I'm proud to say that I've been clean for about four years now.
Goals you wish to achieve:
1. Return to a state of sustainable physical fitness
2. Write something that gets published
3. Financial independence
Nipple Alert! Abort! Abort!
The Planet Podcast, Off-Season: 5/3/06
Elka: So, um, KC. I can't believe you're doing this. You're telling this story..because this is the podcast where we're supposed to play the interview with my mother.
KC: So?
Elka: [calm] So that means that my mom's gonna listen to this podcast, and [freaking a bit] hear you talking about your Spanish teacher's nipples!
KC: [laughs]
Elka: Do you really want my mother to hear you talking about your Spanish teacher's nipples...for 26 minutes?
KC: You asked!
Elka: I wish that I hadn't said we were gonna play the interview this time.
KC: Are you being serious?
Elka: I dunno! I mean, my poor mother. I mean she's a hip mama, but she's...
KC: We'll just send her the part where she talks. We'll cut out all the rest.
Elka: Oh my god..
Elka then went on to whine about how what she had planned to say was lame and nerdy in comparison to KC's now infamous "Spanish Teacher's Nipples" story. And KC tried to calm her down and get her to talk about her next topic.
KC: Don't be mad!
Elka: I'm not mad; I'm speechless after that nipple story. Nothing I could say...
KC: All right, come one.
Elka: Come on what?!
KC: Come on with your next topic!
Elka: I don't have any topics! I quit! I'm done! I'm not talking about anything I've written on this fucking paper!
KC: All right. I'll ask you some questions, because..
Elka: I just, I wanna end to play the interview with my mom, and just end the podcast...
KC: No! I have some questions that...
Elka: [freaking out whiny voice] We can't talk about anything!!
KC: Oh my god, you're going to explode! You're head's gonna fly up into the ceiling, SPLAT!
Elka: I'm telling you...
KC: You look really intense! You're eyebrows are like touching the top of your hairline!!
Elka is cute when she freaks out!
Elka: So, um, KC. I can't believe you're doing this. You're telling this story..because this is the podcast where we're supposed to play the interview with my mother.
KC: So?
Elka: [calm] So that means that my mom's gonna listen to this podcast, and [freaking a bit] hear you talking about your Spanish teacher's nipples!
KC: [laughs]
Elka: Do you really want my mother to hear you talking about your Spanish teacher's nipples...for 26 minutes?
KC: You asked!
Elka: I wish that I hadn't said we were gonna play the interview this time.
KC: Are you being serious?
Elka: I dunno! I mean, my poor mother. I mean she's a hip mama, but she's...
KC: We'll just send her the part where she talks. We'll cut out all the rest.
Elka: Oh my god..
Elka then went on to whine about how what she had planned to say was lame and nerdy in comparison to KC's now infamous "Spanish Teacher's Nipples" story. And KC tried to calm her down and get her to talk about her next topic.
KC: Don't be mad!
Elka: I'm not mad; I'm speechless after that nipple story. Nothing I could say...
KC: All right, come one.
Elka: Come on what?!
KC: Come on with your next topic!
Elka: I don't have any topics! I quit! I'm done! I'm not talking about anything I've written on this fucking paper!
KC: All right. I'll ask you some questions, because..
Elka: I just, I wanna end to play the interview with my mom, and just end the podcast...
KC: No! I have some questions that...
Elka: [freaking out whiny voice] We can't talk about anything!!
KC: Oh my god, you're going to explode! You're head's gonna fly up into the ceiling, SPLAT!
Elka: I'm telling you...
KC: You look really intense! You're eyebrows are like touching the top of your hairline!!
Elka is cute when she freaks out!
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Sex Rebel
Why is Shane so fucking hot?
I know one thing: it isn't her "nipple confidence."
But why are there so many people obsessed with her? Allow me to rephrase the question so it actually gets to a point: why is it hot to see a pretty, androgynous woman like her wearing mens' clothes?
I have to say that I thought Moira was sexier as a woman in a suit than as a man in a suit. The fact that Daniela Sea looks like a hot guy but really is a girl is this hot mindfuck. And I thought Jaslene from the most recent cycle of "America's Next Top Model" to be more attactive as a guy.
Ironically, my types tend to be more feminine.
Is androgyny hot because it physically expresses both female and male characteristics? I suppose androgynous beauty is more holistic, balanced, and three dimensional.
Is it hot becuase it's rebellious and it breaks the norm of how females are "supposed" to dress? Is that what queers are? Rebels? Is rebellion the basis for this attraction?
I know one thing: it isn't her "nipple confidence."
But why are there so many people obsessed with her? Allow me to rephrase the question so it actually gets to a point: why is it hot to see a pretty, androgynous woman like her wearing mens' clothes?
I have to say that I thought Moira was sexier as a woman in a suit than as a man in a suit. The fact that Daniela Sea looks like a hot guy but really is a girl is this hot mindfuck. And I thought Jaslene from the most recent cycle of "America's Next Top Model" to be more attactive as a guy.
Ironically, my types tend to be more feminine.
Is androgyny hot because it physically expresses both female and male characteristics? I suppose androgynous beauty is more holistic, balanced, and three dimensional.
Is it hot becuase it's rebellious and it breaks the norm of how females are "supposed" to dress? Is that what queers are? Rebels? Is rebellion the basis for this attraction?
Friday, May 18, 2007
The .com Boom Has Had Such a Profound Impact on Our Lives
The Planet Podcast, Episode 202: Lost Weekend
Kelka are discussing the sad scene in which Bette opens up and confesses all her fears to Tina in the middle of the night:
KC: And then they're lying in bed, and Bette's like pouring her heart and soul out, and she's just like looks so sad and obviously needs a big hug, and Tina's just like, [makes snoring noises] "Fuck you, I need cock...," [makes snoring noises] "...weiners..." [makes more snoring noises] "...big weiner sausage."
Elka: dot com.
Classic.
Kelka are discussing the sad scene in which Bette opens up and confesses all her fears to Tina in the middle of the night:
KC: And then they're lying in bed, and Bette's like pouring her heart and soul out, and she's just like looks so sad and obviously needs a big hug, and Tina's just like, [makes snoring noises] "Fuck you, I need cock...," [makes snoring noises] "...weiners..." [makes more snoring noises] "...big weiner sausage."
Elka: dot com.
Classic.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Oh...Phyllis, How I Love Thee
The Planet Podcast, Episode 404: Layup
Elka [sarcastic]: Alice never gets too attached to the women she dates.
KC: No, I don't think she's going to get too attached, but I think she's going to see some trouble.
Elka: You know Alice is. Look how she was with Gabby, look how she was with Dana. Alice gets obsessed with the women she dates; she can't help herself.
KC: Not this one.
Elka: I think Alice is gonna fall.
KC: Nuh uh...for Phyllis? Her name's Phyllis. Phyllis and Alice?
Elka: Phallice!
That was too good. And seriously, can you imagine seductively whispering the name "Phyllis" in bed? Can you imagine seductively whispering the name "Dragomir" in bed?
Elka [sarcastic]: Alice never gets too attached to the women she dates.
KC: No, I don't think she's going to get too attached, but I think she's going to see some trouble.
Elka: You know Alice is. Look how she was with Gabby, look how she was with Dana. Alice gets obsessed with the women she dates; she can't help herself.
KC: Not this one.
Elka: I think Alice is gonna fall.
KC: Nuh uh...for Phyllis? Her name's Phyllis. Phyllis and Alice?
Elka: Phallice!
That was too good. And seriously, can you imagine seductively whispering the name "Phyllis" in bed? Can you imagine seductively whispering the name "Dragomir" in bed?
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Turn Inward First
This week has produced a few helpful insights:
* I've finally, fully realized that part of the reason why I developed certain addictive, self-destructive behaviors in high school was because I didn't want to accept the gay part of my identity. It's much easier to avoid accepting who you are when you're wrapped up in battling an addiction.
* I had an awesome, long, sincere conversation with my former roommate (the first girl I really liked and did anything with). We engaged in the same self-destructive behaviors together, AND were each other's firsts. Needless to say, we went through a very ugly period together. I came to associate her with denial in every sense of the word. But, after our talk, I feel impressed with how much she's grown in acknowledging the causes of her own problems. We shall be having a follow-up conversation in which I will share my revelation as stated in the previous bullet point. I feel some hope that our friendship will survive and that we'll be the lifelong friends we thought we could be. It feels really good.
* Speaking of repression, I hung out with an old friend last Saturday, and she told me that I'm more gay than I think I am. I am inclined to agree. I agree that it's higher than I used to think it was (25%). We disagreed on percentages though. I think my gayness level is 50%, and she thinks it's 75%. Either way, she's known me since middle school, and she's totally right about my repression. Getting bogged down in percentages is a bit much.
* I've finally, fully realized that part of the reason why I developed certain addictive, self-destructive behaviors in high school was because I didn't want to accept the gay part of my identity. It's much easier to avoid accepting who you are when you're wrapped up in battling an addiction.
* I had an awesome, long, sincere conversation with my former roommate (the first girl I really liked and did anything with). We engaged in the same self-destructive behaviors together, AND were each other's firsts. Needless to say, we went through a very ugly period together. I came to associate her with denial in every sense of the word. But, after our talk, I feel impressed with how much she's grown in acknowledging the causes of her own problems. We shall be having a follow-up conversation in which I will share my revelation as stated in the previous bullet point. I feel some hope that our friendship will survive and that we'll be the lifelong friends we thought we could be. It feels really good.
* Speaking of repression, I hung out with an old friend last Saturday, and she told me that I'm more gay than I think I am. I am inclined to agree. I agree that it's higher than I used to think it was (25%). We disagreed on percentages though. I think my gayness level is 50%, and she thinks it's 75%. Either way, she's known me since middle school, and she's totally right about my repression. Getting bogged down in percentages is a bit much.
No More Shadowy Corner Sex for You!
I really miss seasons 1 and 2 of "The L Word." There were good quotes from seasons 3 and 4, but I just don't feel like recording them yet. So, I'll be sticking to Kelka quotes for a while...
The Planet Podcast, Episode 406: Luck Be a Lady
Kelka are discussing when Bette and Jodi have sex for the first time. There were several things wrong with the scene: they fucked before the first date, Bette cried to Jodi (we understand that it's because she's experienced so much loss in the past year, but Jodi doesn't know that), and the unrealistic scene was shot at too much of a distance. (I will say, however, that I liked the music for that scene--"Silver" by Bonobo).
Elka: I think Bette shoulda taken a minute to get to know this woman before she cried in her arms..and had...
KC: Yeah!
Elka: ...shadowy corner sex in a warehouse!
KC: Uh, that was totally unhot...
Elka: Beneath a pile of blankets!
KC: I was like, "What the fuck, is this the PBS Lesbian Sex Show?"
Elka: I'm not convinced that they had sex.
Elka: They coulda just been playing Patty Cake up there.
Elka: I don't even know if that was them!
KC: That was a weird position anyway. They really looked like they were sitting on different chairs. What were they sitting on? A piece of currogated...what the fuck? That didn't look to cozy to me. I think it was supposed to be artsy. All I could think of was having sex inside a refridgerator.
Elka [seductive, pretentious voice]: Let's make love on the art.
That last line by Elka is classic; it's humor cannot quite be captured in writing. But, yeah, "The L Word" did a lot of weird sex scenes this season, and the "shadowy corner sex" was just one of them.
The Planet Podcast, Episode 406: Luck Be a Lady
Kelka are discussing when Bette and Jodi have sex for the first time. There were several things wrong with the scene: they fucked before the first date, Bette cried to Jodi (we understand that it's because she's experienced so much loss in the past year, but Jodi doesn't know that), and the unrealistic scene was shot at too much of a distance. (I will say, however, that I liked the music for that scene--"Silver" by Bonobo).
Elka: I think Bette shoulda taken a minute to get to know this woman before she cried in her arms..and had...
KC: Yeah!
Elka: ...shadowy corner sex in a warehouse!
KC: Uh, that was totally unhot...
Elka: Beneath a pile of blankets!
KC: I was like, "What the fuck, is this the PBS Lesbian Sex Show?"
Elka: I'm not convinced that they had sex.
Elka: They coulda just been playing Patty Cake up there.
Elka: I don't even know if that was them!
KC: That was a weird position anyway. They really looked like they were sitting on different chairs. What were they sitting on? A piece of currogated...what the fuck? That didn't look to cozy to me. I think it was supposed to be artsy. All I could think of was having sex inside a refridgerator.
Elka [seductive, pretentious voice]: Let's make love on the art.
That last line by Elka is classic; it's humor cannot quite be captured in writing. But, yeah, "The L Word" did a lot of weird sex scenes this season, and the "shadowy corner sex" was just one of them.
Monday, May 14, 2007
You Mean It Opens the Garage?
The Planet Podcast, Off Season: KidneyDome
Kelka are discussing whether or not LonelyGirl15 is fake. At the beginning of the podcast, KC thought she was real, and Elka thought she was fake. KC admitted to wanting to believe she was real because they're cute, sweet kids. They discussed the arguments for both sides, and, out of nowhere, KC saw the light and found Jesus:
KC: Oh my god, it's totally fake!
Elka: It's fake!
KC: It's COMPLETEY fake; we are idiots!
Elka: I'm telling you it's fake! I'm not an idiot!
KC: [freaking out] What? No, you bought it at first! We both were like, "They're so sweet, bluh bluh bluh." We are so stupid!! I just realized we are idiots. I'm supposed to see through this stuff! This is the stuff that I'm supposed to create!
Elka: Your company invented viral marketing! The biggest viral marketing campaign ever. That you were a part of.
KC: Yeah.
Elka: And YOU missed this one!
KC: You're totally right! OH MY GOD!! I feel so...I feel like such an idiot! It's completely fake!! It's totally fake! It's so blindingly apparent to me now.
Elka: Oh come on, you're overreacting.
KC: No, I'm not!!
Elka: I'm telling you! I've been telling you for days!
KC: I know, and I was like, "Nah, it's a stupid internet rumor." And now I completely, all of a sudden it's hit me. It's so clean and smooth around the edges. How can you mistake it for anything else? Oh my god.
One minute later...
Elka: Wait a minute. I think it's real.
KC: [pleading with whiny rage] I hate you! I'm gonna strangle you!!
I LOVE how Elka just drove KC mad by slowly convincing her that her cute little illusion was fake, and then changing her mind a minute later. I'd say it's a bit of karma for all those "Marco Polo's" KC pulled. ;)
Kelka are discussing whether or not LonelyGirl15 is fake. At the beginning of the podcast, KC thought she was real, and Elka thought she was fake. KC admitted to wanting to believe she was real because they're cute, sweet kids. They discussed the arguments for both sides, and, out of nowhere, KC saw the light and found Jesus:
KC: Oh my god, it's totally fake!
Elka: It's fake!
KC: It's COMPLETEY fake; we are idiots!
Elka: I'm telling you it's fake! I'm not an idiot!
KC: [freaking out] What? No, you bought it at first! We both were like, "They're so sweet, bluh bluh bluh." We are so stupid!! I just realized we are idiots. I'm supposed to see through this stuff! This is the stuff that I'm supposed to create!
Elka: Your company invented viral marketing! The biggest viral marketing campaign ever. That you were a part of.
KC: Yeah.
Elka: And YOU missed this one!
KC: You're totally right! OH MY GOD!! I feel so...I feel like such an idiot! It's completely fake!! It's totally fake! It's so blindingly apparent to me now.
Elka: Oh come on, you're overreacting.
KC: No, I'm not!!
Elka: I'm telling you! I've been telling you for days!
KC: I know, and I was like, "Nah, it's a stupid internet rumor." And now I completely, all of a sudden it's hit me. It's so clean and smooth around the edges. How can you mistake it for anything else? Oh my god.
One minute later...
Elka: Wait a minute. I think it's real.
KC: [pleading with whiny rage] I hate you! I'm gonna strangle you!!
I LOVE how Elka just drove KC mad by slowly convincing her that her cute little illusion was fake, and then changing her mind a minute later. I'd say it's a bit of karma for all those "Marco Polo's" KC pulled. ;)
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Get Your Lesbian Feet Out of My Shoes!
So I've never pretended to not be attracted to men. For example, when I was watching the marathon of America's Next Top Model, I won't deny imagining what sex with Nigel Barker would be like (how can you go wrong with a half Indian, half British mix?...mmm). But last night, I hung out with friends at a few bars, and I was watching all these girls pining over attention from attractive and not-so attractive males. And I just didn't get it. I'm definitely in gay mode right now because all I kept thinking was, "Why are there so many straight people?" I just felt this huge, sudden disconnect with heterosexuals and the heterosexual side to me.
I don't know. Everything about males strikes me as so easy, and this element has become somewhat of a turn off for me. Testosterone has ensured the fact that male attention will always be easy for females to get. And the male genitalia isn't exactly complicated to figure out. I know I'm being very stereotypical right now, but men can feel like different species at times. And, in this moment, I don't quite get why a woman would want to try to connect with another species. I'm well aware that men are capable of being more than just testero-creatures. I have had strong, deep connections with two men in my life, and I still feel this gap between myself and the heterosexual paradigm.
And suddenly, yesterday, I missed my ex-boyfriend and thought that maybe I made a mistake when I refused to stay friends with him after breaking up with him. I thought maybe we should try to slowly forge a close friendship now that we disposed of the sexual tension. I felt like I could deal with the fact that he quickly replaced me with another intelligent woman who is a better match for him than I was.
Hmmmm...
I don't know. Everything about males strikes me as so easy, and this element has become somewhat of a turn off for me. Testosterone has ensured the fact that male attention will always be easy for females to get. And the male genitalia isn't exactly complicated to figure out. I know I'm being very stereotypical right now, but men can feel like different species at times. And, in this moment, I don't quite get why a woman would want to try to connect with another species. I'm well aware that men are capable of being more than just testero-creatures. I have had strong, deep connections with two men in my life, and I still feel this gap between myself and the heterosexual paradigm.
And suddenly, yesterday, I missed my ex-boyfriend and thought that maybe I made a mistake when I refused to stay friends with him after breaking up with him. I thought maybe we should try to slowly forge a close friendship now that we disposed of the sexual tension. I felt like I could deal with the fact that he quickly replaced me with another intelligent woman who is a better match for him than I was.
Hmmmm...
Friday, May 11, 2007
This One's Optimistic
My emotional volatitility has subsided. Life's too short to be holding onto negative emotions. There will always be the oppressors and the oppressed, and the real victory lies in letting the bullshit bounce off you.
Green (from SloGreenX) is my hero today. The comment thread that originated from this post cracked me up. I'll let the comments speak for themselves.
I'm becoming a compulsive writer. Blogging has been great; it's helped me engage in meaningful dialogue with people that I wouldn't be able to talk to otherwise. And I should be meeting some new people within the next few weeks. Yay for new, queer-friendly buddies!
Green (from SloGreenX) is my hero today. The comment thread that originated from this post cracked me up. I'll let the comments speak for themselves.
I'm becoming a compulsive writer. Blogging has been great; it's helped me engage in meaningful dialogue with people that I wouldn't be able to talk to otherwise. And I should be meeting some new people within the next few weeks. Yay for new, queer-friendly buddies!
WTF?
The Planet Podcast, Episode 312: Left Hand of the Goddess
There were at least two WTF? moments during this podcast. The first was when Elka admitted her feelings for KC, her "best friend." Elka tried to kiss KC. KC screamed, and out of nowhere...
KC: You smell like bananas!
That came out of NOWHERE. Too funny.
Then Elka admitted an odd attraction:
Elka: She had chubby toes, and I'm a sucker for that.
I'm glad she's no foot fetishist, but, uh, WHAT??
There were at least two WTF? moments during this podcast. The first was when Elka admitted her feelings for KC, her "best friend." Elka tried to kiss KC. KC screamed, and out of nowhere...
KC: You smell like bananas!
That came out of NOWHERE. Too funny.
Then Elka admitted an odd attraction:
Elka: She had chubby toes, and I'm a sucker for that.
I'm glad she's no foot fetishist, but, uh, WHAT??
Thursday, May 10, 2007
More Peggy Peabody Goodness
"The L Word," Episode 103: Longing
Bette is meeting Peggy Peabody for the first time. She manages to find her at Peggy's hotel, and begins to try to convince her to send the Provocations art exhibit to the CAC. Then Peggy interrupts her:
Peggy: You're the lesbian!
Bette: Excuse me?
Peggy: The lesbian museum director.
Bette: ... I'm sorry...
Peggy: I was a lesbian in 1974.
[Peggy walks across the room to the couch.]
Bette: Just 1974?
Peggy: Just 1974. (sits) That was all I needed.
Bette: Well, you know, that is what we refer to as a...[hesitates] "has-bian."
[SILENCE. Bette smiles awkwardly, then looks scared. After a moment, Peggy chuckles.]
Peggy: (chuckles) A "has-bian." (chuckles, then laughs hard)
[Bette laughs nervously.]
Peggy: That's hilarious! I must tell Joanne that one.
The comedic timing was perfect here. Peggy waited just the right amount of time during that moment of silence; she kept a straight face, and it had me afraid of what her reaction would be too. And it was nice to see Bette a bit afraid. I love the cute, dorkiness of the "hasbian" joke, and the fact that something cute and dorky came out of Bette's mouth during a situation where she had to make a good impression made it all priceless.
Bette is meeting Peggy Peabody for the first time. She manages to find her at Peggy's hotel, and begins to try to convince her to send the Provocations art exhibit to the CAC. Then Peggy interrupts her:
Peggy: You're the lesbian!
Bette: Excuse me?
Peggy: The lesbian museum director.
Bette: ... I'm sorry...
Peggy: I was a lesbian in 1974.
[Peggy walks across the room to the couch.]
Bette: Just 1974?
Peggy: Just 1974. (sits) That was all I needed.
Bette: Well, you know, that is what we refer to as a...[hesitates] "has-bian."
[SILENCE. Bette smiles awkwardly, then looks scared. After a moment, Peggy chuckles.]
Peggy: (chuckles) A "has-bian." (chuckles, then laughs hard)
[Bette laughs nervously.]
Peggy: That's hilarious! I must tell Joanne that one.
The comedic timing was perfect here. Peggy waited just the right amount of time during that moment of silence; she kept a straight face, and it had me afraid of what her reaction would be too. And it was nice to see Bette a bit afraid. I love the cute, dorkiness of the "hasbian" joke, and the fact that something cute and dorky came out of Bette's mouth during a situation where she had to make a good impression made it all priceless.
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
Jesus Hates Us All
I am feeling aggravated:
-I think I have a semi-serious crush on a girl. Crushes are fun. But they can also be painful, especially when there is potential for things to work. Because if things don't work, then you feel a loss. She seems to have yet to realize that,in my opinion, we could make a great match. I hope that doesn't sound arrogant. I'm probably rushing things. Patience is a fucking virtue.
-I'm PMS'ing, so I'm already emotionally volatile. And this volatility made me feel pretty crappy when I read about how Massachussets might ban gay marriage in June. This quote from some bigoted prick there made my day: "I don't believe in gay marriage. I strongly support voters right to vote on these issues. If you allow this, anything goes. You could marry a seven-year-old to a dog."
I think I need to go dope up on some Kelka love.
-I think I have a semi-serious crush on a girl. Crushes are fun. But they can also be painful, especially when there is potential for things to work. Because if things don't work, then you feel a loss. She seems to have yet to realize that,in my opinion, we could make a great match. I hope that doesn't sound arrogant. I'm probably rushing things. Patience is a fucking virtue.
-I'm PMS'ing, so I'm already emotionally volatile. And this volatility made me feel pretty crappy when I read about how Massachussets might ban gay marriage in June. This quote from some bigoted prick there made my day: "I don't believe in gay marriage. I strongly support voters right to vote on these issues. If you allow this, anything goes. You could marry a seven-year-old to a dog."
I think I need to go dope up on some Kelka love.
???
The Planet Podcast, Episode 407: Lesson Number One
Kelka are starved for nudity in "The L Word." They discuss what you can catch a glimpse of during the scene that Catherine Rothberg strips for Helena after losing at "strip Gym Runny."
KC: The scene with Catherine Rothberg, when she takes off her panties...I was like, "Ooh, we're gonna see something. She's taking her panties off, and of course it's like the side view. She lifts her legs, carefully...
Elka: We're desperate!
KC:...probably watching herself on a screen. No! But okay, I was like, "We're gonna see something here, at least some pubic hair. Anything! And you could see something. If you freeze it...as her leg reaches the highest...
Elka: This is embarrassing
KC:...point. And if you pause it, you can see some pubic hair.
Elka: I don't think you can. I really don't.
KC: Well she doesn't look like the type of girl who would have pubic hair, but I think she does.
Elka: You think she has the runway?
KC: No, I think she has...
Elka: The landing strip?
KC:...the kind that's trimmed way low...
Elka: Like the Hitler mustache?
KC:...like the French something...THE HITLER MUSTACHE?! I don't want anything on me to be called the Hitler mustache!
Agreed. Let's leave Hitler out of a discussion of pubic hair trimming styles, please.
Kelka are starved for nudity in "The L Word." They discuss what you can catch a glimpse of during the scene that Catherine Rothberg strips for Helena after losing at "strip Gym Runny."
KC: The scene with Catherine Rothberg, when she takes off her panties...I was like, "Ooh, we're gonna see something. She's taking her panties off, and of course it's like the side view. She lifts her legs, carefully...
Elka: We're desperate!
KC:...probably watching herself on a screen. No! But okay, I was like, "We're gonna see something here, at least some pubic hair. Anything! And you could see something. If you freeze it...as her leg reaches the highest...
Elka: This is embarrassing
KC:...point. And if you pause it, you can see some pubic hair.
Elka: I don't think you can. I really don't.
KC: Well she doesn't look like the type of girl who would have pubic hair, but I think she does.
Elka: You think she has the runway?
KC: No, I think she has...
Elka: The landing strip?
KC:...the kind that's trimmed way low...
Elka: Like the Hitler mustache?
KC:...like the French something...THE HITLER MUSTACHE?! I don't want anything on me to be called the Hitler mustache!
Agreed. Let's leave Hitler out of a discussion of pubic hair trimming styles, please.
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
Black Plastic Touching Black Plastic
I always felt like these lyrics (to a Ladytron song) were dirty and homoerotic. Or maybe I’m just seeing gay everywhere.
"The L Word" hasn't exactly done the greatest job of exploring transgendered issues with the FTM character of Moira/Max. But there was one thought-provoking, well-written dialogue between Max and Kit in episode 309. Kit expresses her skepticism of Max's desire to get top surgery. I couldn't find a transcript or youtube clip of it, but the conversation went something like this (by the way, this counts as the quote of the day):
Kit: I don't have a problem with it. I'm just worried about you.
Max: Can't you understand? I've just never felt comfortable in this body.
Kit: So removing your breasts and becoming a man will solve everything?
Max: No, I don't expect that. But at least people will be able to see me for who I really am.
Kit: What if I felt white inside, and there was a surgery that could make my skin and features white. Would you encourage me to do that?
Max: I dunno. Do you feel white inside?
Kit: What is white inside? What's male inside? What's female inside? Why can't you be the butchest butch in the world and keep your body?
Max: Because I wanna feel whole. I want the outside of me to match the inside of me.
Kit: You'll be giving up the most precious thing in the world.
Max: What? My tits?
Kit: No. Being a woman.
This scene made me wonder what does it mean to feel male or female inside? And to be honest, I don’t entirely know how to answer this question. The only reference points we have are stereotypical gender roles and characteristics. And those are mostly subjective, social constructs. So what the fuck?
I’ve known guys who can be nurturing, sensitive, emotional, needy and plenty of other characteristics that are stereotypically associated with females. Women can be aggressive, strong, promiscuous, blunt, etc. So the lines that distinguish the two genders are already very blurry to me.
According to stereotypical sexual gender roles, the man fucks and the woman gets fucked. The man is active, and the woman is passive. So do gay men want to be fucked? And do gay women want to fuck? Is that what it all boils down to? I don’t think it’s that simple, and that just clings to heterosexual stereotypes.
I can only speak from my experience and say that I don't feel especially male or female inside. There are times when I feel more feminine and there are times when I feel more masculine. But I've always just felt like a person. Apparently this would make sense because I’m bi?
I don't think I was born in the wrong body the way a transgendered person would. But, when I started to go through puberty and get hips, I thought I was getting fat. And I continued to perceive having curves as an indicator that I was putting on weight; I wanted my body to be a stick. It wasn't until friends in college and my first serious boyfriend indicated to me that this is what is known as "the hourglass figure," and it's apparently an aesthetic body type to have. My reaction was, “Oh. I see. Well then.”
I am okay with being a girl and with having a feminine-shaped figure. But sometimes I wish my body was more like Katherine Moennig’s (not quite as thin though). This relates to a (hopefully) future post on the possible connection between sexual orientation and eating disorders. Did I want a stick-like figure because our fucked up culture emphasizes unrealistic thinness or because I wanted my body to reflect my mental androgyny? It's probably a combination of both.
And as a kid, I felt lame when I was forced to wear a dress; I thought boyish clothes and interests were cooler. When I was about 13, I didn’t like looking girly: I felt uncomfortable and like I was trying to be somebody else. I developed somewhat of a complex for not being able to conform to THE standard of femininity that my parents and society reinforced. It has taken me a while to begin to unlearn this complex.
Do people who transtion feel male or female inside because of how they look? Do they figure that if they already look like the sex that is the opposite of the body they were born in, then they should transition to feel unified? And doesn’t what is socially accepted as “looking female” and “looking male” influence how they see themselves?
For me, I perceive some of my features as being slightly androgynous (I have a few ex’s who disagreed, but I think men are pretty easily blinded by a decent pair of boobs), so I think I look incongruous when I’m in a situation where I have to go the whole nine yards with wearing a dress, getting my hair done, etc.
I guess I’m saying that, for me, my gender identity is formed by a combination of how I feel on the inside, how I look on the outside, and how I’ve been programmed to perceive myself. So, for example, I liked watching Batman as a kid. This is considered a more boyish interest, and I consequently perceive myself as being more boyish.
I feel like I’ve created more questions than answers by writing this. There’s nothing wrong with that, but it does leave me wanting to just know more.
"The L Word" hasn't exactly done the greatest job of exploring transgendered issues with the FTM character of Moira/Max. But there was one thought-provoking, well-written dialogue between Max and Kit in episode 309. Kit expresses her skepticism of Max's desire to get top surgery. I couldn't find a transcript or youtube clip of it, but the conversation went something like this (by the way, this counts as the quote of the day):
Kit: I don't have a problem with it. I'm just worried about you.
Max: Can't you understand? I've just never felt comfortable in this body.
Kit: So removing your breasts and becoming a man will solve everything?
Max: No, I don't expect that. But at least people will be able to see me for who I really am.
Kit: What if I felt white inside, and there was a surgery that could make my skin and features white. Would you encourage me to do that?
Max: I dunno. Do you feel white inside?
Kit: What is white inside? What's male inside? What's female inside? Why can't you be the butchest butch in the world and keep your body?
Max: Because I wanna feel whole. I want the outside of me to match the inside of me.
Kit: You'll be giving up the most precious thing in the world.
Max: What? My tits?
Kit: No. Being a woman.
This scene made me wonder what does it mean to feel male or female inside? And to be honest, I don’t entirely know how to answer this question. The only reference points we have are stereotypical gender roles and characteristics. And those are mostly subjective, social constructs. So what the fuck?
I’ve known guys who can be nurturing, sensitive, emotional, needy and plenty of other characteristics that are stereotypically associated with females. Women can be aggressive, strong, promiscuous, blunt, etc. So the lines that distinguish the two genders are already very blurry to me.
According to stereotypical sexual gender roles, the man fucks and the woman gets fucked. The man is active, and the woman is passive. So do gay men want to be fucked? And do gay women want to fuck? Is that what it all boils down to? I don’t think it’s that simple, and that just clings to heterosexual stereotypes.
I can only speak from my experience and say that I don't feel especially male or female inside. There are times when I feel more feminine and there are times when I feel more masculine. But I've always just felt like a person. Apparently this would make sense because I’m bi?
I don't think I was born in the wrong body the way a transgendered person would. But, when I started to go through puberty and get hips, I thought I was getting fat. And I continued to perceive having curves as an indicator that I was putting on weight; I wanted my body to be a stick. It wasn't until friends in college and my first serious boyfriend indicated to me that this is what is known as "the hourglass figure," and it's apparently an aesthetic body type to have. My reaction was, “Oh. I see. Well then.”
I am okay with being a girl and with having a feminine-shaped figure. But sometimes I wish my body was more like Katherine Moennig’s (not quite as thin though). This relates to a (hopefully) future post on the possible connection between sexual orientation and eating disorders. Did I want a stick-like figure because our fucked up culture emphasizes unrealistic thinness or because I wanted my body to reflect my mental androgyny? It's probably a combination of both.
And as a kid, I felt lame when I was forced to wear a dress; I thought boyish clothes and interests were cooler. When I was about 13, I didn’t like looking girly: I felt uncomfortable and like I was trying to be somebody else. I developed somewhat of a complex for not being able to conform to THE standard of femininity that my parents and society reinforced. It has taken me a while to begin to unlearn this complex.
Do people who transtion feel male or female inside because of how they look? Do they figure that if they already look like the sex that is the opposite of the body they were born in, then they should transition to feel unified? And doesn’t what is socially accepted as “looking female” and “looking male” influence how they see themselves?
For me, I perceive some of my features as being slightly androgynous (I have a few ex’s who disagreed, but I think men are pretty easily blinded by a decent pair of boobs), so I think I look incongruous when I’m in a situation where I have to go the whole nine yards with wearing a dress, getting my hair done, etc.
I guess I’m saying that, for me, my gender identity is formed by a combination of how I feel on the inside, how I look on the outside, and how I’ve been programmed to perceive myself. So, for example, I liked watching Batman as a kid. This is considered a more boyish interest, and I consequently perceive myself as being more boyish.
I feel like I’ve created more questions than answers by writing this. There’s nothing wrong with that, but it does leave me wanting to just know more.
Monday, May 7, 2007
I Would Probably Feel This Way If I Was Straight
When I feel down, watching clips of Ellen dancing cheers me up.
She may not be the best dancer, but there's something about her style that keeps me watching. I love how cute and dorky she looks! I hope I can retain such a high cuteness factor when I'm her age.
Here are two more.
Happy Monday!
She may not be the best dancer, but there's something about her style that keeps me watching. I love how cute and dorky she looks! I hope I can retain such a high cuteness factor when I'm her age.
Here are two more.
Happy Monday!
"I'm not a lesbian! I'm mysexual!"
The Planet Podcast: Episode 307
Elka: Well you know how some of the straight people say, "Well how do you know you're gay if you've never had sex with the opposite sex before?"
KC: Yeah, well how do they know they're straight?
Elka: Well, I think that's a legitamite thing!
KC: That's bullshit.
Elka: I mean, you might as well try it. I think the straight people should try some of that girl-on-girl action in college, and the homos, you know... I don't think you should feel obligated like you've gotta have sex with some dude after the prom, but college is all about, I mean you get your menage on, you're living in the dorms. Anything could happen.
KC: Okay, but you feel that way because you're a certain sexuality which shall be unnamed at this point in time, but it rhymes with "mysexual."
I don't know why it cracks me up when KC is like, "It rhymes with_______." I guess it's because I don't expect it.
Elka: Well you know how some of the straight people say, "Well how do you know you're gay if you've never had sex with the opposite sex before?"
KC: Yeah, well how do they know they're straight?
Elka: Well, I think that's a legitamite thing!
KC: That's bullshit.
Elka: I mean, you might as well try it. I think the straight people should try some of that girl-on-girl action in college, and the homos, you know... I don't think you should feel obligated like you've gotta have sex with some dude after the prom, but college is all about, I mean you get your menage on, you're living in the dorms. Anything could happen.
KC: Okay, but you feel that way because you're a certain sexuality which shall be unnamed at this point in time, but it rhymes with "mysexual."
I don't know why it cracks me up when KC is like, "It rhymes with_______." I guess it's because I don't expect it.
Saturday, May 5, 2007
A Self-Help Moment
Writing is so theraputic.
I've been feeling kinda down lately. I feel like a minority in almost every sense, and that I'm in between every world there is: I'm not an adult, but I'm not a child; I'm not gay, but I'm not straight; I'm not masculine, but I'm not feminine; I'm not fat, but I'm not skinny; and I'm not white (although I feel like it), but I don't exactly do justice to my Asian heritage either. Furthermore, I don't eat the way most (dumbass) carnivore Americans do.
A part of me wants to be easily defined and labeled. It's getting a bit tiring to always be in a grey area, and it's easier to be neatly categorized.
But is anyone's identity so easy to define? This isn't high school anymore; cliques no longer explain who we are, and they didn't even explain how we were back then. I'm sure that there are people who exist in a more "black or white" state of being. But the truth is that people and the world aren't as simple as they seemed when you're a kid. Part of becoming an adult is learning to accept and thrive in this reality.
I got some good advice from an LJ comment. She basically said that there is no ONE way to be bi, and that trying too hard to define myself will only lead to frustration. It's true. I need to go with the flow and let go of the need to fit into a rigid definition that will only serve to limit and aggravate me. I'd venture to say that it's more difficult to unlearn than it is to learn.
And the other day, I thought to myself. It boils down to one choice: you can choose to be strong, or you can choose to be weak. It takes strength to accept and be yourself. It takes strength to embrace the complex facets of your identity instead of reducing everything to black and white. And, most importantly, it takes strength to tune out the bullshit standards that we've been programmed to live up to.
My analytical, introspective mind is both a strength and a weakness. It's a strength because it helps me understand and manage myself; it's a weakness because, well, I can think too damn much! Finding the words is helpful. But it also gets to a point where I should just tell my brain shut the fuck up.
*Turns off brain and goes to do something else*
I've been feeling kinda down lately. I feel like a minority in almost every sense, and that I'm in between every world there is: I'm not an adult, but I'm not a child; I'm not gay, but I'm not straight; I'm not masculine, but I'm not feminine; I'm not fat, but I'm not skinny; and I'm not white (although I feel like it), but I don't exactly do justice to my Asian heritage either. Furthermore, I don't eat the way most (dumbass) carnivore Americans do.
A part of me wants to be easily defined and labeled. It's getting a bit tiring to always be in a grey area, and it's easier to be neatly categorized.
But is anyone's identity so easy to define? This isn't high school anymore; cliques no longer explain who we are, and they didn't even explain how we were back then. I'm sure that there are people who exist in a more "black or white" state of being. But the truth is that people and the world aren't as simple as they seemed when you're a kid. Part of becoming an adult is learning to accept and thrive in this reality.
I got some good advice from an LJ comment. She basically said that there is no ONE way to be bi, and that trying too hard to define myself will only lead to frustration. It's true. I need to go with the flow and let go of the need to fit into a rigid definition that will only serve to limit and aggravate me. I'd venture to say that it's more difficult to unlearn than it is to learn.
And the other day, I thought to myself. It boils down to one choice: you can choose to be strong, or you can choose to be weak. It takes strength to accept and be yourself. It takes strength to embrace the complex facets of your identity instead of reducing everything to black and white. And, most importantly, it takes strength to tune out the bullshit standards that we've been programmed to live up to.
My analytical, introspective mind is both a strength and a weakness. It's a strength because it helps me understand and manage myself; it's a weakness because, well, I can think too damn much! Finding the words is helpful. But it also gets to a point where I should just tell my brain shut the fuck up.
*Turns off brain and goes to do something else*
Friday, May 4, 2007
Yay For Bigotry!!
I'm just going to let this speak for itself.
I think a good cardio workout is in store for me right now.
I think a good cardio workout is in store for me right now.
Vagina!
"The L Word," Episode 301: Labia Majora
The gang are at the Planet discussing funny slang words for vagina. This was before the season took a depressing turn. (I was able to document these lines with the help of this website).
Tina: I have a friend in England, and her daughter calls it "front bottom".
Shane: "Front bottom"? Mm, that's twisted.
Alice: I had a girlfriend once - yes, remember when I had a girlfriend -
Alice: - uh, no, but she called it her "pretty, pink pearl". "P-P-P".Carmen: Not to be confused with her "pee-pee."
Bette: You know what's really lovely?
Alice: Hm.Bette: "Yoni".
Alice: Ew.
Carmen: Oh, god.
Bette: It's Sanskrit.
Alice: No, no. I like, like, a non-Sanskrit trashy thing like "tongue-trap".
Shane: Yeah.
Carmen: Or a, uh, "bald man in a boat"!
[Bette chuckles.]
Shane: (holding thumbs up) "Breakfast of champions".
[Everyone laughs.]
Alice: That's good.
Tina: "Munchbox"!
Bette: (to Angelica) "Wee wee".
Carmen: "Ha ha".
Alice: "Hoo hoo".
Bette: "Mimi".
Shane: "Fuckhole."
Shane: What else?
Alice: "Calcunta"!
[The girls laugh madly. Kit sits down with a dour expression.]
Carmen: Hey, Kit!
Alice: What's wrong?
Bette: What's going on?
Kit: I just found out... I've got menopause.
[Bette and Alice give each other 'uh oh' looks.]
Carmen: Oh, Kit. Aw.
Shane: Ooh.
Tina: No, it's okay. No more periods.
Alice: Yeah, you don't have to take Carrie to the prom anymore.
Bette: No more mood swings. Eventually.
Tina: No more Tampons or pads.
Carmen: No more Midol or Excedrin or Tylenol or any of that stuff.
Kit: Yeah. But once the monkey goes south, that's the end of it.
Bette: No, Kit, that's not true. There are a lot of menopausal women who are very sexually active.
Shane: Yeah, that's true. You can still get it on.
Carmen: And you are still gonna be doing the hanky-panky 'til the cows come home. Okay?
Alice: Yeah. Get yourself a little... hot beef injection tonight and feel better.
Carmen: Shit.
Bette: You can dip the chip.
Tina: Bang the box.
Carmen: Sweep our your chimney.
Shane: Ah, you can stretch that leather.
Tina: Bump the uglies!
Carmen: Dip and dive.
Bette: Shake the sheets.
Alice: Oh, crack the nut!
Bette: Get some skank on the hang-low.
Everyone: Ohh aw!
Alice: Ride the baloney pony.
Kit: Alright. Give that dog a bone!
Carmen: There ya go!
Shane: Right!
Carmen: Yeah!
Tina: Shuck the oyster, baby!
Carmen: Okay, um, um, put some beef in yo' taco!
[Everyone laughs.]
Shane: Ride that beef bus to Tuna Town.
Everyone: (groaning) Ohhhhhh.
Carmen: That was so sexy. I'm glad you said that.
Kit: I got one. "The lips between the hips".
Shane: "Furry monkey."
Carmen: "Smurf crease."
Bette: "Bearded oyster".
Alice: "Bikini biscuit".
Carmen: "Cooter"?
Shane: And, uh, "cherry pie".
Alice: "Cat flaps".
Shane: "Cha-cha".
Carmen: "Hairy goblet". Mmm, that's hot.
Tina: "The Grand Canyon".
Kit: Oh, here's another one. "Fish taco".
Shane: Oh, I got a good one. "Cream collector".
Carmen: "Goodie bag"?
Kit: Wait, how 'bout this one: "box of assorted creams".
Shane: Uh, "honey pot".
Alice: "Dugout".
Carmen: "Love mitten"?
Shane: "Mermaid's purse".
Alice: "Skeeky," "skeezy".
Shane: Oh, I got one, I got one, uh - "the pink velvet sausage wallet". That's attractive.
Carmen: "Nonny"?
Alice: "Ham wallet"?
Tina: "Coochie"!
Bette: "Sweet spot".
Shane: "Power slot"?
Kit: "Fu-fu valve". (laughs) I know, "fu-fu valve", who would say "fu-fu valve"?
Bette: "Pork shutters".
Kit: "Bermuda triangle".
Tina: "Grab hole".
Alice: "Squeegee"?
Carmen: "Vertical smile".
Shane: "The vessel tube"?
Carmen: "Monkey's chin".
Alice: "Chewbacca".
Shane: What about "panty hamster"?
Bette: "Roast beef sandwich".
Kit: Uh, "camel toe" - oh, that's so generic.
"Pussy" works just fine for me. But I do enjoy "breakfast of champions" and "tonge trap."
The gang are at the Planet discussing funny slang words for vagina. This was before the season took a depressing turn. (I was able to document these lines with the help of this website).
Tina: I have a friend in England, and her daughter calls it "front bottom".
Shane: "Front bottom"? Mm, that's twisted.
Alice: I had a girlfriend once - yes, remember when I had a girlfriend -
Alice: - uh, no, but she called it her "pretty, pink pearl". "P-P-P".Carmen: Not to be confused with her "pee-pee."
Bette: You know what's really lovely?
Alice: Hm.Bette: "Yoni".
Alice: Ew.
Carmen: Oh, god.
Bette: It's Sanskrit.
Alice: No, no. I like, like, a non-Sanskrit trashy thing like "tongue-trap".
Shane: Yeah.
Carmen: Or a, uh, "bald man in a boat"!
[Bette chuckles.]
Shane: (holding thumbs up) "Breakfast of champions".
[Everyone laughs.]
Alice: That's good.
Tina: "Munchbox"!
Bette: (to Angelica) "Wee wee".
Carmen: "Ha ha".
Alice: "Hoo hoo".
Bette: "Mimi".
Shane: "Fuckhole."
Shane: What else?
Alice: "Calcunta"!
[The girls laugh madly. Kit sits down with a dour expression.]
Carmen: Hey, Kit!
Alice: What's wrong?
Bette: What's going on?
Kit: I just found out... I've got menopause.
[Bette and Alice give each other 'uh oh' looks.]
Carmen: Oh, Kit. Aw.
Shane: Ooh.
Tina: No, it's okay. No more periods.
Alice: Yeah, you don't have to take Carrie to the prom anymore.
Bette: No more mood swings. Eventually.
Tina: No more Tampons or pads.
Carmen: No more Midol or Excedrin or Tylenol or any of that stuff.
Kit: Yeah. But once the monkey goes south, that's the end of it.
Bette: No, Kit, that's not true. There are a lot of menopausal women who are very sexually active.
Shane: Yeah, that's true. You can still get it on.
Carmen: And you are still gonna be doing the hanky-panky 'til the cows come home. Okay?
Alice: Yeah. Get yourself a little... hot beef injection tonight and feel better.
Carmen: Shit.
Bette: You can dip the chip.
Tina: Bang the box.
Carmen: Sweep our your chimney.
Shane: Ah, you can stretch that leather.
Tina: Bump the uglies!
Carmen: Dip and dive.
Bette: Shake the sheets.
Alice: Oh, crack the nut!
Bette: Get some skank on the hang-low.
Everyone: Ohh aw!
Alice: Ride the baloney pony.
Kit: Alright. Give that dog a bone!
Carmen: There ya go!
Shane: Right!
Carmen: Yeah!
Tina: Shuck the oyster, baby!
Carmen: Okay, um, um, put some beef in yo' taco!
[Everyone laughs.]
Shane: Ride that beef bus to Tuna Town.
Everyone: (groaning) Ohhhhhh.
Carmen: That was so sexy. I'm glad you said that.
Kit: I got one. "The lips between the hips".
Shane: "Furry monkey."
Carmen: "Smurf crease."
Bette: "Bearded oyster".
Alice: "Bikini biscuit".
Carmen: "Cooter"?
Shane: And, uh, "cherry pie".
Alice: "Cat flaps".
Shane: "Cha-cha".
Carmen: "Hairy goblet". Mmm, that's hot.
Tina: "The Grand Canyon".
Kit: Oh, here's another one. "Fish taco".
Shane: Oh, I got a good one. "Cream collector".
Carmen: "Goodie bag"?
Kit: Wait, how 'bout this one: "box of assorted creams".
Shane: Uh, "honey pot".
Alice: "Dugout".
Carmen: "Love mitten"?
Shane: "Mermaid's purse".
Alice: "Skeeky," "skeezy".
Shane: Oh, I got one, I got one, uh - "the pink velvet sausage wallet". That's attractive.
Carmen: "Nonny"?
Alice: "Ham wallet"?
Tina: "Coochie"!
Bette: "Sweet spot".
Shane: "Power slot"?
Kit: "Fu-fu valve". (laughs) I know, "fu-fu valve", who would say "fu-fu valve"?
Bette: "Pork shutters".
Kit: "Bermuda triangle".
Tina: "Grab hole".
Alice: "Squeegee"?
Carmen: "Vertical smile".
Shane: "The vessel tube"?
Carmen: "Monkey's chin".
Alice: "Chewbacca".
Shane: What about "panty hamster"?
Bette: "Roast beef sandwich".
Kit: Uh, "camel toe" - oh, that's so generic.
"Pussy" works just fine for me. But I do enjoy "breakfast of champions" and "tonge trap."
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
It's Okay to Be Grey
So, through the awesomeness that is the internet, I happened to engage in a lengthy conversation with a girl whose degree and manifestation of bisexuality almost exactly matches mine. We also have very similar stories about the first girls we fell for. I've been feeling disconnected from people lately, so it was really nice to feel some connection with someone, even if they live in Toronto.
It basically boils down to the fact that we both have different standards/expectations for males and females. I feel more of an emotional pull towards women and more of a sexual pull towards men. I'm definitely sexually attracted to women, but I have to already be very emotionally and physically attracted to them to desire sex. With men, I can be more casual, and my standards haven't always been so high.
Perhaps this reflects how our culture puts significantly more pressure on women to maintain their appearances?
There's nothing wrong with wanting to establish a solid connection before having sexual relations with a women. I just think it's odd that I haven't always adhered to this standard with men. Maybe because, stereotypically speaking, men have lower sexual morals?
I also think I've repressed and suppressed a lot of my homosexual attractions, and now that I've been making a conscious effort to undo my internalized homophobia, everything is slowly resurfacing. So, who knows, perhaps at some point in the future I'll feel the same attractions to both men and women.
She showed me this yesterday. I'm still reading it all, but she shared this quote from the linked website:
Both male and female bisexuals report falling in love with women more often than with men, although many report falling in love with both genders. These data are interesting because they echo observations of many gay men, who say they are more sexually attracted to men but more emotionally attracted to women (and thus define their orientation on the basis of their sexual preference). And some lesbians, who say they are sexually attracted to men and women, are emotionally satisfied by women (thus defining themselves by emotional preference).
It obviously hit home for me. So maybe it is relatively "normal" to perceive different genders differently.
I wonder if there are bisexuals out there who are an exact 3 on the Kinsey scale; in other words, they are equally attracted to men and women both emotionally and sexually.
It basically boils down to the fact that we both have different standards/expectations for males and females. I feel more of an emotional pull towards women and more of a sexual pull towards men. I'm definitely sexually attracted to women, but I have to already be very emotionally and physically attracted to them to desire sex. With men, I can be more casual, and my standards haven't always been so high.
Perhaps this reflects how our culture puts significantly more pressure on women to maintain their appearances?
There's nothing wrong with wanting to establish a solid connection before having sexual relations with a women. I just think it's odd that I haven't always adhered to this standard with men. Maybe because, stereotypically speaking, men have lower sexual morals?
I also think I've repressed and suppressed a lot of my homosexual attractions, and now that I've been making a conscious effort to undo my internalized homophobia, everything is slowly resurfacing. So, who knows, perhaps at some point in the future I'll feel the same attractions to both men and women.
She showed me this yesterday. I'm still reading it all, but she shared this quote from the linked website:
Both male and female bisexuals report falling in love with women more often than with men, although many report falling in love with both genders. These data are interesting because they echo observations of many gay men, who say they are more sexually attracted to men but more emotionally attracted to women (and thus define their orientation on the basis of their sexual preference). And some lesbians, who say they are sexually attracted to men and women, are emotionally satisfied by women (thus defining themselves by emotional preference).
It obviously hit home for me. So maybe it is relatively "normal" to perceive different genders differently.
I wonder if there are bisexuals out there who are an exact 3 on the Kinsey scale; in other words, they are equally attracted to men and women both emotionally and sexually.
The 11th Commandment
The Planet Podcast, Episode 408: Lexington and Concord
This episode of "The L Word" had some fucked up, disturbing scenes: Catherine Rothberg put cash on or in Helena's vagina, Tasha sucked Alice's toes, and PapKit dirty danced and madeout. Kelka discussed the grossness of licking feet:
Elka: What's grosser? Licking someone's feet or licking someone's ass?
KC: Depends on the person!
Elka: What if it was Alice Piezecki, for instance?
KC: Feet.
Elka: Is grosser?
KC: Yes.
Elka: I know! It's so gross! I would rather lick someone's butthole than lick someone's toes.
KC: Of course!
Elka: EW. Just EW EW EW...EW!
KC: Well, I think that your feet are probably germier than your ass. I dunno! You should know, which one's germier? Well, your ass doesn't have assnails...I hope.
Elka: But your toes have assnails.
KC: Toenails. If your feet did not have toenails, it'd be okay. I think it's okay to kiss the tops and the bottoms of the feet, but the toes need to stay out of the equation. Especially if it involves entry into thine mouth.
Elka: KC hath proclaimed!
KC: I'm just, ew.
Elka: [dramatic, deep voice] "Let it be known, thou sucketh not the toeth."
KC: I want it to be known throughout the land.
I love how their analytical minds know no bounds.
This episode of "The L Word" had some fucked up, disturbing scenes: Catherine Rothberg put cash on or in Helena's vagina, Tasha sucked Alice's toes, and PapKit dirty danced and madeout. Kelka discussed the grossness of licking feet:
Elka: What's grosser? Licking someone's feet or licking someone's ass?
KC: Depends on the person!
Elka: What if it was Alice Piezecki, for instance?
KC: Feet.
Elka: Is grosser?
KC: Yes.
Elka: I know! It's so gross! I would rather lick someone's butthole than lick someone's toes.
KC: Of course!
Elka: EW. Just EW EW EW...EW!
KC: Well, I think that your feet are probably germier than your ass. I dunno! You should know, which one's germier? Well, your ass doesn't have assnails...I hope.
Elka: But your toes have assnails.
KC: Toenails. If your feet did not have toenails, it'd be okay. I think it's okay to kiss the tops and the bottoms of the feet, but the toes need to stay out of the equation. Especially if it involves entry into thine mouth.
Elka: KC hath proclaimed!
KC: I'm just, ew.
Elka: [dramatic, deep voice] "Let it be known, thou sucketh not the toeth."
KC: I want it to be known throughout the land.
I love how their analytical minds know no bounds.
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
It's Official
I was watching random clips of "Oz" on youtube, and I have come to the conclusion that men should kiss more often.
Zing!
"The L Word," Episode 302: Lost Weekend
Carmen has managed to get Shane to agree to wearing a dress. Shane enters, pouting, and we get to hear some good comedic commentary from Carmen:
Carmen: Aw, you look like you're five.
Shane: I feel like a pinata.
Carmen: You're too small to be a pinata, but how about the top of a tranny wedding cake?
Carmen has managed to get Shane to agree to wearing a dress. Shane enters, pouting, and we get to hear some good comedic commentary from Carmen:
Carmen: Aw, you look like you're five.
Shane: I feel like a pinata.
Carmen: You're too small to be a pinata, but how about the top of a tranny wedding cake?
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