Episode 602: Least Likely

This episode was better than I expected it to be. It was pretty obvious with the setting up of conflicts, but it was more entertaining than the last episode.

They're obviously setting it up to make it seem like Nikki will kill Jenny. I laughed at how hilariously awful it was. Is the actor who plays Nikki really good or really bad? Playing someone that stupid must be a talent..unless you're already that stupid.

Some of the awkward moments during the "table wars" at the Planet made me laugh out loud. WTF is up with valet parking? Hit me with some bullshit please.

TiBette's issue of fidelity is getting tired. For fuckssake, just have an open relationship. Elizabeth Berkely is gross. I do not want to see her kiss another woman, especially not Bette.

Their Rock Paper Scissors battle was random. I couldn't decided if it was cute or out-of-character. Bette's frilly-sleeved shirt made me think of the Chiquita banana woman. I was not diggin' her clothes this episode.

Alice and Tasha...sigh. They're adorable. It's nice to see the return of cute Alica after seeing her obliviously bitchy side last season. Can psychotherapists be that blunt and tell a couple that they don't belong together? Even if they don't have a lot in common, they have chemistry. And they're willing to make it work.

Max is pregnant. How original. He also looks like a caveman. I love facial hair, I think Daniela Sea is hot, but he's like the trannyfag version of Paul Bunyan. And isn't Tom, uh, too good for him? Talk about odd couples.

Joyce naked. And I didn't think it could get any more gross than Elizabeth Berkely.

Dylan! I find Alexandria Hedison to be quite sexy, but there was something off about how she looked. Her hair, perhaps?

Shane is less interesting when she's begging. I wasn't sure if Shane was really into kissing Jenny even though she initiated it. I'm 50/50 on Shane and Jenny being a couple. I thing it's an interesting exploration, but the chances of a sustainable relatinoship blossoming are pretty slim. They also have little in common, and they're both dysfunctional, destructive individuals.

Slacker

Wow, this is the first time that I haven't eagerly watched an episode of The L Word. The only thing motivating me to watch it is the fact that Kelka just put out their podcast on the second episode.

I'm behind.

I've said it before, but Ilene Chaiken should be writing KC and Elka a big, fat check.

Palette

I've been feeling different lately. I've been taking a break from my [over]thinking self and tapping into my feeling self. And it's like I'm feeling the emotional version of black (or is it white?). I'm feeling the color that is all colors. I'm feeling the emotions that logically contradict each other. Somehow. Calm, scared, anxious, excited, sad, happy, etc.

I was randomly listening to music from a very depressive phase of my life, and it made me feel uppity.

I spent a portion of my previous Saturday cooking. Cooking for 1) myself and 2) my new potential man. I didn't cook for him because I'm "the woman." I did it because he's been feeding me, and I wanted to return the favor. Besides, I can pull my weight in the food creation department when I put my mind to it.

I grew up rebelling against the notion that it's the woman's job to do the cooking. Now I'm doing it happily. I'm not sure what this means or if it should be interpreted.

I [unintentionally] hurt one person, and I [effortlessly] made another person happy all in one week. I have to embrace paradoxes, contradictions, ironies, ambiguities, etc. Life is and isn't [adjective] all at the same time. I am everything. Life is everything. The lines can be blurred or even removed.

OH, and we have a President who has Muslim family members. Talk about blurring the lines!

It's getting harder and harder to see anything besides gray. And it's not scary anymore.

Dali-esque

Gah! I had a disturbing dream this morning. The residue of it is still sticking to the background of my psyche today.

I had to have sex with a girl on camera. It was a porn set. YUCK. The only amusing part was that I was lauging at some other girl shooting before me who seemed to be faking her orgasm. After she was done getting the fucking of a lifetime, she walked up to me and scowled while saying, "I wasn't faking it, you bitch!"

What's even worse is I had to do a girl I knew in grade school. I was never close friends with her, but she was really nice. And she was a Jehovah's witness. Jeez! My dreams are usually pretty vanilla.

On the bright side, she seemed to enjoy what I was doing to her.

Cats and Dogs

In spite of how much I appreciate what they have to offer outside of their genitalia, I appear to have no close male friends. I certainly have much-appreciated male acquaintances, but I don't have many of them that I have been strictly platonic with. It's not that I'm a big slut; I've always had significantly more female friends.

But in my experience, there are usually ulterior motives between males and females. Why don't I have this issue with girls? Because I spent the first 20 years of my life denying that I like them? Because there are fewer girls for a girl to choose from?

I want to know what it's like to be close to a guy and have no ulterior motives. Maybe it's not possible, but I'd like to give it a try.

Loyal

It felt so good to hear KC and Elka's voices again. I got over my withdrawal from them, but goddaym! It had been too long. I loved all the endearing grammatical offenses.

And something fruitful came out of it: I laughed so hard that my abs tightened into a pleasing burn. This reminded me that I need to stick to my pilates routine in the interest of strengthening my mush-like lower back. Thanks Kelka!

KC brought up a good point that had never occurred to me: in a way, Prop 8 was a good thing because the enormity and shock over something like that happening in California could serve as an eye-opener for the rest of the country.

California is associated with being liberal, vegan, and yogic. And yet it could ban same-sex marriage by a simple majority vote. Who'd have thunk it?

Pissing off a lot of people is often a great catalyst for change. So hopefully Prop 8's passing could play into the gays' hands in the long run.

Yipee!

Oh. my. GAY. KC and Elka are BACK!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Changefest

I was lucky to be able to watch Obama's inauguration with a new special someone. A very snuggly special someone who has managed to figure out where I'm most ticklish rather quickly.

I was obviously not pleased to see Rick Warren give the invocation. Particularly since his words were so hypocritical. But hey, Obama is a politician who has to make nice with pricks. On the bright side, Bishop V. Gene Robinson, the first openly gay Episcopal bishop, said a prayer on Sunday.

As easy as it would be to complain about Obama's potential inadequacies regarding advocating gay rights, I think it's important to remember that the man has a full plate of big problems to attend to, e.g. our deteriorating economy.

Speaking of change, I'm somewhat determined to not fuck things up with Special New Someone. Not that I'm 100% to blame for my past break-ups, but I'd prefer to decrease my contribution to this next possible relationship's deterioration.

Here are some not-so-healthy behaviors I've subjected loved ones to in the past:

-being reserved/secretive about how I feel
-using my own confusion or personal issues as an excuse to push others away
-being neurotically possessive
-overreacting to potential dealbreakers
-freaking out at some small thing and then backing out
-getting naked too soon

Well, I sound like a monster. Maybe I'm more like Shane than I thought--and not in a good way.

Regardless, I'm excited about the changes in progress; growing is too much fun.

Episode 601: Long Night's Journey into the Day

Well I watched the first episode of season 6, and I have a bunch of questions:

1. Why do I always feel giddy when I see Lucy Lawless and her stern brand of femininity?

2. Why do Shane and Jenny keep saying that they're the bestest of friends when they really have little in common?

3. Why does Jenny answer the door in her bra when Molly comes to her house?

4. How do Bette and Tina manage to still be cute together after all these years? I squealed when they simultaneously kissed Angelica.

5. Why do people keep painting Jenny's life as one filled with victimhood? She's not a martyr, and the fact that she dies better not turn her into more of one. She was also a merciless cunt at one point, and I think her anger at Shane, while justified, is a bit excessive and self-righteous.

6. What is it about Tasha and Alice that keeps me hoping that they'll work out there differences? Is it their combined cuteness? Is it the "opposites attract" idea? I must say that I was happy to see Alice in her chunky emo glasses.

7. Did Nikki get exponentially dumber between seasons 5 and 6? Sure, she was an airhead last season, but it's like she's been practicing being stupid and flighty since then. I was very happy to see Jenny calmly tell her off the morning after they fucked.

8. How come seeing two overly femmy girls get it on doesn't do much for me anymore?

9. Why am I growing to love Kit's ridiculous manner of speaking?

10. Who killed Jenny? The first and most obvious guess is Nikki.

I am SO FUCKING STOKED to be hearing KC and Elka again. They are the vegan icing on the refined sugar-free cake that is my life.

Spare time

In my opinion, shows like Six Feet Under, Weeds, Dexter, and Batman: The Animated Series all have quality intros.

Shows like Smallville, CSI, Arrested Development, Rescue Me, and Xena have decent intros with fitting music.

Shows like Desperate Housewives and Gilmore Girls have good/adequate but not necessarily stellar intros.

Shows like Law and Order SVU and Roseanne have minimal and mostly boring intros--although they do fit the tone and content of their respective shows.

Shows like The L Word have hideous intros with shitty music.

This is what I do on my day off from people.

The eternal bender

1. I'm jealous of how it takes men less prep time to look sexy. Sure, they're expected to be buff, but they have short hair, don't wear make-up, and can have hairy legs (although I don't want to grow a forest on my legs).

2. I love how guys who like me are caught off guard when they say something like, "I'm just not into blondes," and I reply, "Mee too!"

3. I had my wifey over for a sleepover. When she said, "Goodnight, my husband," I realized why I go for the tall, somewhat dominant men: they make me feel like "the woman." I don't want to feel imbalanced by always being one or the other.

4. My friend randomly called me up to inform me that the hot-as-hell Stephanie March will be returning for a few episodes of Law and Order SVU. This is nice to hear.

Through you

My goodness. Last night I had one of those amazing nights that I will probably remember for the rest of my life. It makes me feel so grateful. I forgot how much I love getting to know people, even if I'm a grouchy introvert.

I wish I didn't need to sleep. There's too much art and love to absorb.

I've found that interacting with people is so much more enjoyable when you change your expectations of them. I used to say "lower your expectations," but that has a negative connotation.

When you selfishly stop expecting them to scratch some itch and allow them to be who they are (the essence of all queerness), then it's great to not only be pleasantly surprised, but to actually see someone in a more objective, selfless light. And that can be a lovely experience.

Death by dorkiness

I was sifting through my pre-DVD tape collection in the interest of discarding junk. My tapes are pretty gay: they're 98% Xena, 1% Roseanne, and 1% recordings of my dead cat (may his meek, snuggly soul rest in peace).

I didn't have the heart to look at videos of when my baby was a wee little kitten, and I wasn't in the mood for Roseanne. So, yes, I, a relatively intelligent woman in her mid-twenties, watched a few old Xena tapes last night. Whilst flossing (at least I got something else constructive done).

I was curious. Why the hell did I love this show so much? I obviously didn't get caught up in the plot last night; I know how it ends, and a third of each episode is spent making Xena snarl, grunt, and do ridiculously unrealistic acrobatics.

The acting is pretty good, but every episode is yet another epic battle of Good vs Evil and Xena fighting to save her precious friend Gabrielle. And the last season was simply terrible. Not to mention the fact that everyone (except my wifey) has openly mocked my freakish fandom.

In spite of this, my love for her is infinite. She's like the dykey, ass-kicking, scantily-clad mother I never had. I looked up to her as a kid. While I probably can't watch more than a few minutes of an episode every few months, I can't throw these tapes away. They represent my youth, repressed gayness, and desire to be strong and assertive.

BLARGH!

I'll always have a nostalgic, soft spot for 90's type of rock. So when I was listening to the radio and realized that I was bobbing my head to Marilyn Manson's cover of "Sweet Dreams," I had to find the song online.

It was easiest to look it up on youtube first. I found myself repulsed by the video and Manson's style of androgyny. His protruding ribs make me feel ill. I'm sure that's his intention, but...ew. Why must he uglify everything?

In other superficial news, I'm finally starting to get into other Showtime programs besides The L Word, namely Weeds. It's good stuff. And, my goodness, Mary-Louise Parker's big-beautiful-brown eyes are too easy to get lost in. I love her subtlety.

The L Word might overall be the worst show Showtime has aired.

Whatever. Kelka should be returning soon. It's been eight months. Daym.

Short n' Sweet

One: The other day I was complaining to my friend about how much I miss the art of the girly sleepover. Just because I've entered my mid-twenties, avoid junk food, and need a solid seven hours of sleep doesn't mean I'm too old to have sleepovers filled with girl-talk, food, and movies.

So I revived the art this weekend, and while we were planning it, we talked about painting our nails. But that was as close as we were getting to actually doing that. And we went to sleep at midnight. And there was no junk food. I'm hoping to have another one featuring Monopoly. Talk about bein' one bitchin' badass.

Two: It has come to my attention that there are short women out there who wear heels to make themselves look taller. I always thought they wore heels because they look good and make a cool, imposing click-clack sound. When I do wear them, it's for the latter.

I do not understand wanting to be taller. It's easier to get spooned if you're shorter. I'd much prefer being the spoon-ee over the spooner--even if the spooner has a wider range of places where his/her hands can wander. But that's just me.

Three: I was on a music nostalgia kick, and I rediscovered the awesomeness that is this song. Here are the lyrics, and here is an explanation of the lyrics. I like how the ambiguity of the lyrics creates a universal and relatable experience that many are likely to have been through. And it's catchy.

It's not me; it's you.

I used to make the generalization that I cannot be myself around guys, but I can easily be myself around girls. And the dysfunctional relationships I had with my first two boyfriends was proof. .

While it's true that I've gotten more confident over the years, I see that there really was no gender issue at work. It simply was how the chemistry (or rather the lack of chemistry) was with those particular males. I spoke to one of them the other day, and the only reason why it didn't completely feel like pulling teeth was because we talk every few months.

California, rest in peace?

I'm getting a tad annoyed with the word "lifestyle" when it's used to describe how queers live their lives. To me it implies that being gay is some foreign, out there sort of existence. Welll you COULD practice your alternative lifestyle if you really WANT to go to hell. But why should we let your [immoral] lifestyle redefine the oh-so-sacred tradition of marriage?

Yeah, I get that it's different to spend a lifetime romantically pursuing people of the same sex. It's different to gender bend. And apparently women who don't worship cock and men who want anal sex are just SO goddamn offensive (but anal sex between a man and a woman isn't?)

But seriously. Everyone works, plays, fucks, and pursues their version of fulfillment. We're mostly just variations on one theme. These few differences don't have to merit being labeled as lifestyles. Hell, people within the same family, friendship, or relationship can live their lives very differently from each other and still manage a degree of cohesiveness.

So I don't see why the labels need to be so dramatic. In fact, there would be fewer perceived differences between gay people and straight people if they, gasp, had the same fucking rights. How's that for a catch-22?

But then I find myself feeling possessive of things like Kelka, and I realize that my desire to create walls perpetuates the "us vs. them" mentality. Perhaps I'm reacting against those who "started it," but it's not terribly constructive.

Uh oh. Am I going to need to start a "can't we all just get along?" tag?

Vitamin XX

I have found that I feel off kilter if I don't balance out the gender of the people I hang out with. I've been hanging out with boys a lot lately, so I was in some serious girl-talk withdrawal. I got a premium grade, dorky-as-hell fix this weekend, and I feel so. much. better! I must remember to never deprive myself like that again. Nevar!

Say it, bitch

While Itty Bitty Titty Committee (IBTC) was a very manipulative film, I have to admit that it inspired me a little. It inspired me to not be afraid to get educated and be willing to point out inequities. Feminists get a bad rap, and girls who claim that they aren't feminists might want to take a look at the rights that they didn't have to earn.

While I do point some inequities out here, I still feel like a bitch sometimes. I too fear being written off as a feminazi dyke. And I can't stand people who walk around looking for occasions to find offensive. Or people who wait to pounce on a bit of injustice or misrepresentation as if they want to be nailed to a cross.

And I was hesitant to bitch about Rick Warren; what could I say that hasn't been said before? But hey, it's disappointing that Obama invited a man who campaigned for Prop 8 to give the invocation at the inauguration. Okay, so Obama wants to be tolerant to people of differing views. And he only supports civil unions anyways.

But as Dan Savage pointed out, would Obama allow a racist to give the invocation? And why give Rick Warren that potent of a role in the inauguration of our first black President? This is a worthwhile read.

I guess I have to remember that a collective society moves more slowly when it comes to unlearning its prejudices. Right now, it's a victory that our country is becoming more color blind. Maybe in 30 years it will become more sexuality blind. Increasing support of civil unions is progress. So I'm thinkin' it'd be wise to adopt the patience of a tortoise with asthma to win this bitch of a race.