I'm going to be Xena for a Halloween party we're going to. Boy sorta convinced me. It's partly exciting to be my childhood hero, and it's partly nerve racking since I feel so strongly about her and can do a season-by-season critique of the series. Laaaame.
Me: I dunno if I want to be Xena for Halloween.
Boy: Why not?
Me: Because everyone has mocked me for liking her over the years. I dunno if I can share my love for her with a buncha strangers at a party. Plus I'm in the closet.
Boy: I doubt that anyone is going to be like, Ooh, look at that girl being Xena! I bet she's a queer!
Me: Noo! I'm in the Xena-loving closet.
Boy: Let's watch some Xena together.
Me: [whining] You can't understand my love for her! It's a retroactive passion! I grew up with a shitty mother figure! Xena is strong, smart, and kicks ass. Besides, we don't watch TV.
Boy: I'm sure I could at least appreciate what you see in her.
Me: Well, I have to warn you that my IQ drops like 20 points when I watch her.
Boy: I'm going to enjoy this. Plus you said there was eye candy.
Me: I don't like how there's some blonde modeling a Xena costume on this package. She wasn't blonde. And Xena didn't wear that much blush or wear lame boots like that.
Me: This costume comes with a cape. I won't be wearing it.
Boy: Why not?
Me: Xena didn't wear a cape, and she's above the cliche of wearing capes.
Boy: Your obsession is adorable.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Uh oh.
1. Boy and I have been practicing cohabitation during this past week. It has been going well so far. I find myself enjoying doing domestic things with/for him: the dishes, cooking, taking out the trash. When the hell did this happen?
2. I am somewhat pleased to report that the sporty spice part of me is coming back in bits. I don't foresee myself being a gym whore with workout goals anytime soon. But it's certainly nice to whip a little ass on the basketball court and glide a frisbee around.
3. I am gaining weight. My love for dark chocolate is helping. I know that this is good; even I was starting to feel like I looked too much like someone from a third world country. I am eating more on purpose. But this doesn't mean that I'm doing what I really want to do. I'm just doing the right thing, because, well it's the right thing. I do not want the right thing.
I am coming to accept that I will always be playing a bit of a game with myself that bounces between scratching an old itch and being "normal." Luckily I am not putting my health at risk.
4. I am finding, more and more, that finding a female visually pleasing does not necessarily mean that I have any desire to touch her.
5. I wish I wasn't such a bitchy hypocrite about pudginess. A tiny bit of girl pudge is cute and tactile; a bit too much of girl pudge turns my head away. It's worse that I don't judge males as harshly. I feel like such a bot.
2. I am somewhat pleased to report that the sporty spice part of me is coming back in bits. I don't foresee myself being a gym whore with workout goals anytime soon. But it's certainly nice to whip a little ass on the basketball court and glide a frisbee around.
3. I am gaining weight. My love for dark chocolate is helping. I know that this is good; even I was starting to feel like I looked too much like someone from a third world country. I am eating more on purpose. But this doesn't mean that I'm doing what I really want to do. I'm just doing the right thing, because, well it's the right thing. I do not want the right thing.
I am coming to accept that I will always be playing a bit of a game with myself that bounces between scratching an old itch and being "normal." Luckily I am not putting my health at risk.
4. I am finding, more and more, that finding a female visually pleasing does not necessarily mean that I have any desire to touch her.
5. I wish I wasn't such a bitchy hypocrite about pudginess. A tiny bit of girl pudge is cute and tactile; a bit too much of girl pudge turns my head away. It's worse that I don't judge males as harshly. I feel like such a bot.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Lowered Expectations
I haven't really hung out with my female friends much as of late. I could stand to not be in the presence of testosterone for an evening. Not that I don't enjoy being desired, and I am currently in a state of aching boyfriend withdrawal, but I sorta forgot what it's like to interact with people and not get groped.
I'm realizing that a part of me doesn't really want to try to find a girl to date. I feel like this is wrong; I should stop being afraid and try to experience different things. I'm young, my tits are still perky, and life is short. But, ugh, I feel like I don't have it in me. I suppose this would change if an amazing girl was in the picture. Then I'd have no choice because I don't say no to amazing people unless they repeatedly treat me like shit.
But amazing girls don't really fall into one's laps. At least they don't fall into mine. I'd have to look. Do I look casually or with some drive? Meh, it never hurts to keep your eyes open.
I need to remember that girls can be as mean as boys. We all expect men to be douchebags, particularly about sex. And they pretty much all are douchebags about sex at some point (to varying degrees). So the blows I've taken from boys have hurt less in a way because I hold them to a lower standard; I need to adopt this same standard for girls.
In some ways, I have the potential to romantically "have it all," but I can't help but be skeptical.
I'm realizing that a part of me doesn't really want to try to find a girl to date. I feel like this is wrong; I should stop being afraid and try to experience different things. I'm young, my tits are still perky, and life is short. But, ugh, I feel like I don't have it in me. I suppose this would change if an amazing girl was in the picture. Then I'd have no choice because I don't say no to amazing people unless they repeatedly treat me like shit.
But amazing girls don't really fall into one's laps. At least they don't fall into mine. I'd have to look. Do I look casually or with some drive? Meh, it never hurts to keep your eyes open.
I need to remember that girls can be as mean as boys. We all expect men to be douchebags, particularly about sex. And they pretty much all are douchebags about sex at some point (to varying degrees). So the blows I've taken from boys have hurt less in a way because I hold them to a lower standard; I need to adopt this same standard for girls.
In some ways, I have the potential to romantically "have it all," but I can't help but be skeptical.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
