No.

This evening I got a call from my best friend's boyfriend. I hadn't heard from her in a while, and she hadn't been responding to my calls/texts. I was starting to worry, but she does things like get busy with life and lose her cell phone charger, so it wasn't anything out of the ordinary.

But my gut instinct was correct: she tried to kill herself. My best fucking friend who I can say anything to. She's the first person I outed myself to way back in high school. I had so much respect for her in high school and prided myself on winning her over because she intimidated so many people. The friend that I've always been able to get support, insight, humor, and understanding from tried to say goodbye to existence forever.

I feel like a crappy friend. I feel like I shoulda been more keen and diligent about watching out for her. I knew she wasn't feeling terribly happy with her life, but I didn't think she would do something like this. We are, after all, mildly depressive people. But I shoulda seen through the her tough exterior.

I need to step it up and be a better friend. I need to give more.