Death by dorkiness

I was sifting through my pre-DVD tape collection in the interest of discarding junk. My tapes are pretty gay: they're 98% Xena, 1% Roseanne, and 1% recordings of my dead cat (may his meek, snuggly soul rest in peace).

I didn't have the heart to look at videos of when my baby was a wee little kitten, and I wasn't in the mood for Roseanne. So, yes, I, a relatively intelligent woman in her mid-twenties, watched a few old Xena tapes last night. Whilst flossing (at least I got something else constructive done).

I was curious. Why the hell did I love this show so much? I obviously didn't get caught up in the plot last night; I know how it ends, and a third of each episode is spent making Xena snarl, grunt, and do ridiculously unrealistic acrobatics.

The acting is pretty good, but every episode is yet another epic battle of Good vs Evil and Xena fighting to save her precious friend Gabrielle. And the last season was simply terrible. Not to mention the fact that everyone (except my wifey) has openly mocked my freakish fandom.

In spite of this, my love for her is infinite. She's like the dykey, ass-kicking, scantily-clad mother I never had. I looked up to her as a kid. While I probably can't watch more than a few minutes of an episode every few months, I can't throw these tapes away. They represent my youth, repressed gayness, and desire to be strong and assertive.

BLARGH!

I'll always have a nostalgic, soft spot for 90's type of rock. So when I was listening to the radio and realized that I was bobbing my head to Marilyn Manson's cover of "Sweet Dreams," I had to find the song online.

It was easiest to look it up on youtube first. I found myself repulsed by the video and Manson's style of androgyny. His protruding ribs make me feel ill. I'm sure that's his intention, but...ew. Why must he uglify everything?

In other superficial news, I'm finally starting to get into other Showtime programs besides The L Word, namely Weeds. It's good stuff. And, my goodness, Mary-Louise Parker's big-beautiful-brown eyes are too easy to get lost in. I love her subtlety.

The L Word might overall be the worst show Showtime has aired.

Whatever. Kelka should be returning soon. It's been eight months. Daym.

Short n' Sweet

One: The other day I was complaining to my friend about how much I miss the art of the girly sleepover. Just because I've entered my mid-twenties, avoid junk food, and need a solid seven hours of sleep doesn't mean I'm too old to have sleepovers filled with girl-talk, food, and movies.

So I revived the art this weekend, and while we were planning it, we talked about painting our nails. But that was as close as we were getting to actually doing that. And we went to sleep at midnight. And there was no junk food. I'm hoping to have another one featuring Monopoly. Talk about bein' one bitchin' badass.

Two: It has come to my attention that there are short women out there who wear heels to make themselves look taller. I always thought they wore heels because they look good and make a cool, imposing click-clack sound. When I do wear them, it's for the latter.

I do not understand wanting to be taller. It's easier to get spooned if you're shorter. I'd much prefer being the spoon-ee over the spooner--even if the spooner has a wider range of places where his/her hands can wander. But that's just me.

Three: I was on a music nostalgia kick, and I rediscovered the awesomeness that is this song. Here are the lyrics, and here is an explanation of the lyrics. I like how the ambiguity of the lyrics creates a universal and relatable experience that many are likely to have been through. And it's catchy.

It's not me; it's you.

I used to make the generalization that I cannot be myself around guys, but I can easily be myself around girls. And the dysfunctional relationships I had with my first two boyfriends was proof. .

While it's true that I've gotten more confident over the years, I see that there really was no gender issue at work. It simply was how the chemistry (or rather the lack of chemistry) was with those particular males. I spoke to one of them the other day, and the only reason why it didn't completely feel like pulling teeth was because we talk every few months.

California, rest in peace?

I'm getting a tad annoyed with the word "lifestyle" when it's used to describe how queers live their lives. To me it implies that being gay is some foreign, out there sort of existence. Welll you COULD practice your alternative lifestyle if you really WANT to go to hell. But why should we let your [immoral] lifestyle redefine the oh-so-sacred tradition of marriage?

Yeah, I get that it's different to spend a lifetime romantically pursuing people of the same sex. It's different to gender bend. And apparently women who don't worship cock and men who want anal sex are just SO goddamn offensive (but anal sex between a man and a woman isn't?)

But seriously. Everyone works, plays, fucks, and pursues their version of fulfillment. We're mostly just variations on one theme. These few differences don't have to merit being labeled as lifestyles. Hell, people within the same family, friendship, or relationship can live their lives very differently from each other and still manage a degree of cohesiveness.

So I don't see why the labels need to be so dramatic. In fact, there would be fewer perceived differences between gay people and straight people if they, gasp, had the same fucking rights. How's that for a catch-22?

But then I find myself feeling possessive of things like Kelka, and I realize that my desire to create walls perpetuates the "us vs. them" mentality. Perhaps I'm reacting against those who "started it," but it's not terribly constructive.

Uh oh. Am I going to need to start a "can't we all just get along?" tag?

Vitamin XX

I have found that I feel off kilter if I don't balance out the gender of the people I hang out with. I've been hanging out with boys a lot lately, so I was in some serious girl-talk withdrawal. I got a premium grade, dorky-as-hell fix this weekend, and I feel so. much. better! I must remember to never deprive myself like that again. Nevar!

Say it, bitch

While Itty Bitty Titty Committee (IBTC) was a very manipulative film, I have to admit that it inspired me a little. It inspired me to not be afraid to get educated and be willing to point out inequities. Feminists get a bad rap, and girls who claim that they aren't feminists might want to take a look at the rights that they didn't have to earn.

While I do point some inequities out here, I still feel like a bitch sometimes. I too fear being written off as a feminazi dyke. And I can't stand people who walk around looking for occasions to find offensive. Or people who wait to pounce on a bit of injustice or misrepresentation as if they want to be nailed to a cross.

And I was hesitant to bitch about Rick Warren; what could I say that hasn't been said before? But hey, it's disappointing that Obama invited a man who campaigned for Prop 8 to give the invocation at the inauguration. Okay, so Obama wants to be tolerant to people of differing views. And he only supports civil unions anyways.

But as Dan Savage pointed out, would Obama allow a racist to give the invocation? And why give Rick Warren that potent of a role in the inauguration of our first black President? This is a worthwhile read.

I guess I have to remember that a collective society moves more slowly when it comes to unlearning its prejudices. Right now, it's a victory that our country is becoming more color blind. Maybe in 30 years it will become more sexuality blind. Increasing support of civil unions is progress. So I'm thinkin' it'd be wise to adopt the patience of a tortoise with asthma to win this bitch of a race.