Vagina!

"The L Word," Episode 301: Labia Majora

The gang are at the Planet discussing funny slang words for vagina. This was before the season took a depressing turn. (I was able to document these lines with the help of this website).

Tina: I have a friend in England, and her daughter calls it "front bottom".
Shane: "Front bottom"? Mm, that's twisted.
Alice: I had a girlfriend once - yes, remember when I had a girlfriend -
Alice: - uh, no, but she called it her "pretty, pink pearl". "P-P-P".Carmen: Not to be confused with her "pee-pee."
Bette: You know what's really lovely?
Alice: Hm.Bette: "Yoni".
Alice: Ew.
Carmen: Oh, god.
Bette: It's Sanskrit.
Alice: No, no. I like, like, a non-Sanskrit trashy thing like "tongue-trap".
Shane: Yeah.
Carmen: Or a, uh, "bald man in a boat"!
[Bette chuckles.]
Shane: (holding thumbs up) "Breakfast of champions".
[Everyone laughs.]
Alice: That's good.
Tina: "Munchbox"!
Bette: (to Angelica) "Wee wee".
Carmen: "Ha ha".
Alice: "Hoo hoo".
Bette: "Mimi".
Shane: "Fuckhole."
Shane: What else?
Alice: "Calcunta"!
[The girls laugh madly. Kit sits down with a dour expression.]
Carmen: Hey, Kit!
Alice: What's wrong?
Bette: What's going on?
Kit: I just found out... I've got menopause.
[Bette and Alice give each other 'uh oh' looks.]
Carmen: Oh, Kit. Aw.
Shane: Ooh.
Tina: No, it's okay. No more periods.
Alice: Yeah, you don't have to take Carrie to the prom anymore.
Bette: No more mood swings. Eventually.
Tina: No more Tampons or pads.
Carmen: No more Midol or Excedrin or Tylenol or any of that stuff.
Kit: Yeah. But once the monkey goes south, that's the end of it.
Bette: No, Kit, that's not true. There are a lot of menopausal women who are very sexually active.
Shane: Yeah, that's true. You can still get it on.
Carmen: And you are still gonna be doing the hanky-panky 'til the cows come home. Okay?
Alice: Yeah. Get yourself a little... hot beef injection tonight and feel better.
Carmen: Shit.
Bette: You can dip the chip.
Tina: Bang the box.
Carmen: Sweep our your chimney.
Shane: Ah, you can stretch that leather.
Tina: Bump the uglies!
Carmen: Dip and dive.
Bette: Shake the sheets.
Alice: Oh, crack the nut!
Bette: Get some skank on the hang-low.
Everyone: Ohh aw!
Alice: Ride the baloney pony.
Kit: Alright. Give that dog a bone!
Carmen: There ya go!
Shane: Right!
Carmen: Yeah!
Tina: Shuck the oyster, baby!
Carmen: Okay, um, um, put some beef in yo' taco!
[Everyone laughs.]
Shane: Ride that beef bus to Tuna Town.
Everyone: (groaning) Ohhhhhh.
Carmen: That was so sexy. I'm glad you said that.
Kit: I got one. "The lips between the hips".
Shane: "Furry monkey."
Carmen: "Smurf crease."
Bette: "Bearded oyster".
Alice: "Bikini biscuit".
Carmen: "Cooter"?
Shane: And, uh, "cherry pie".
Alice: "Cat flaps".
Shane: "Cha-cha".
Carmen: "Hairy goblet". Mmm, that's hot.
Tina: "The Grand Canyon".
Kit: Oh, here's another one. "Fish taco".
Shane: Oh, I got a good one. "Cream collector".
Carmen: "Goodie bag"?
Kit: Wait, how 'bout this one: "box of assorted creams".
Shane: Uh, "honey pot".
Alice: "Dugout".
Carmen: "Love mitten"?
Shane: "Mermaid's purse".
Alice: "Skeeky," "skeezy".
Shane: Oh, I got one, I got one, uh - "the pink velvet sausage wallet". That's attractive.
Carmen: "Nonny"?
Alice: "Ham wallet"?
Tina: "Coochie"!
Bette: "Sweet spot".
Shane: "Power slot"?
Kit: "Fu-fu valve". (laughs) I know, "fu-fu valve", who would say "fu-fu valve"?
Bette: "Pork shutters".
Kit: "Bermuda triangle".
Tina: "Grab hole".
Alice: "Squeegee"?
Carmen: "Vertical smile".
Shane: "The vessel tube"?
Carmen: "Monkey's chin".
Alice: "Chewbacca".
Shane: What about "panty hamster"?
Bette: "Roast beef sandwich".
Kit: Uh, "camel toe" - oh, that's so generic.

"Pussy" works just fine for me. But I do enjoy "breakfast of champions" and "tonge trap."