Bullets

• I just realized that I've been listening to Kelka almost every day since August. I'm guessing that the longest I've went without listening to them is maybe three days. I wonder what would happen if I renounced myself from anything Kelkian for a whole week. Maybe I'd turn straight? Maybe I'd suffer severe withdrawal symptoms. Or maybe the podcasts would be just as funny as they were when I first heard them.
  
• I'm making attempts to befriend my ex. I tested out how I feel by looking at flattering pictures of him. I still think he's pretty, but I'm sure that I don't want him back. I just miss his brain and talking to him. He is open to this idea, so we'll see where it goes. I've never done the "stay friends" thing before, so I want to give it a try, test my limits, and hopefully learn something about myself.
• I really want to see "Itty Bitty Titty Committee." I couldn't find theatres that showed it when it came out. The trailer and the cast look hot, and Carly Pope is in it!!

Scientific Research

ShaneMo: yo, how was your pride?
RevengeGirl: hey
RevengeGirl: it was awesome
RevengeGirl: i got grabbed way too many times but hey
ShaneMo: lol
ShaneMo: by girls or boys?
RevengeGirl: everyone
RevengeGirl: lol
ShaneMo: yeah, it was so crowded
RevengeGirl: did you go to pride?
ShaneMo: at first i was like, "YAAAY pride, i love humanity!"
ShaneMo: then all the crowds of people pushing each other took that feeling away
RevengeGirl: yea thats why i didnt go where it was that crowded
ShaneMo: smart
ShaneMo: were you wearing just a bra on top the whole time?
RevengeGirl: lol
RevengeGirl: yeah
ShaneMo: RevengeGirl:i got grabbed way too many times but hey
ShaneMo: *ahem
RevengeGirl: lol


ShaneMo: and it's like...i'm so bisexual. that's the end of it.
RevengeGirl: lol
RevengeGirl: im feeling more like that too recently
ShaneMo: yeah? catching the gay in the air?
RevengeGirl: actually i feel really straight at pride
ShaneMo: hah!
RevengeGirl: no cause like....these girls would check me out or grab me or something and i didnt like it
RevengeGirl: but then when a guy would do it i would
ShaneMo: that's a good way to test your sexuality...walk around in a bra
RevengeGirl: LOL
ShaneMo: good research
RevengeGirl: it is

So, if anyone reading this is in the position of counseling someone who is confused about his/her sexuality, tell them to go to a pride parade with no shirt/just a bra on top. Then have them take note of how they feel when various people grab them. Sounds like a pretty solid plan to me.

Oh, Jenny

So I cheated from my so-called hiatus from watching seasons 1 and 2. I blame youtube. And I totally forgot about one of the funniest guest characters: Annette. She was Jenny's friend and randomly visited her. Jenny ended up telling her the story with Marina. They discussed sexuality, and then they go find Marina so Annette can see what she looks like. I liked Annette's bold sense of humor; they should totally bring her back in season 5 to give Jenny some tough love so Jenny will stop being a self-absorbed cunt.

"The L Word," Episode 108: Listen Up

Annette's way of asserting her sexual preferences made me laugh:

Annette: So, Jen, were you always a lesbian?
Jenny: I never said I was a lesbian.
Annette: So it just... came outta nowhere and bit ya on the ass? Just like that? Because I mean, y'know, I love women. Yeah, for companionship, I figure I could do without the company of men entirely. Except, dude, can't get down with the puss. I love a dick!

Then they discuss Marina's girlfriend:

Annette: What's the girlfriend's name?
Jenny: Francesca Wolff.
Annette: Oh, barf.

Then they hide outside The Planet to catch a glimpse of Marina:

Annette: See, all I can see right now is her butt. Which is nice for a girl, but you know, I'm not an expert in women's asses. C'mon. Turn around.
Jenny: Please...
Annette: (after seeing Marina) Wow. Wow.
Jenny: Can we go now?
Annette: No, no, keep your panties on, seriously. I'm trying to wrap my head around... I just, I wanna ask you something.
Jenny: What?
Annette: You had sex with that woman?
Jenny: Please?
Annette: You slept with that woman?
Jenny: Please?
Annette: Did you go down on her? And everything?
Jenny: Please.
Annette: No, this is important. Do girls still look pretty when they're getting eaten out?
Jenny: Okay...
Annette: Because guys are just so dorky when you're giving them blowjobs.

Yeah, uh, there's some truth to that.

"The Boys Wanna Be Her/The Girls Wanna Be Her"

I've finished watching the first five seasons of "Sex and the City." I'm totally hooked, and I can't wait to finish season six to find out how everything ends for the characters. One thing I've noticed is how surprised I am at how much I like Samantha's character (played by Kim Cattrall). She's superficial, hedonistic, and promiscuous. She often wears a fake smile and excessive amounts of make-up.

At the same time, I admire how open-minded, non-judgemental, and confident she is. I like how she challenges sexual decorum for women: she doesn't apologize for wanting to get off or for being a sexual older woman. If she was a man, her behaviors would be more acceptable. But she has the attitude of a womanizing man, and yet she's in a woman's body. She honestly objectifies men the way horny men can objectify women.

And, she cracks my shit up. When she tried a lesbian relationship, I loved how she put a humorous spin on it.

Then I realized that Samantha Jones is the straight version of Shane McCutcheon. Forget Papi. Let's do a comparison of these two sex goddesses:

vs.

• They both fear the intimacy of relationships.
• They're both fiercely loyal to their friends.
• They both have NO problems having sex with pretty much whomever they want.
• They don't judge their friends' mistakes (e.g. Sam didn't judge Carrie cheating, and Shane didn't judge Bette cheating).
• They're both usually wise and articulate.
• They both know fashion and hair (although, in my opinion, Shane's is way better).
• They're both successful at their jobs.
• They're both hot and can model.
  

Shane, however, isn't quite as concerned about her image as Samantha is. She doesn't think of herself as a player, and she doesn't really care about her reputation. Samantha, on the other hand, has more ambition and knows how to navigate through the competitive, appearance-oriented world better than Shane does.

I have respect for both of them, but I obviously like Shane better.

Loud and Proud, Motherfuckers

So I went to the Pride Parade. It was very crowded. My second favorite part was watching all the hot gay guys dance in scantily clad "outfits" And by "outfits," I mean "panties."

My favorite part of it all was being surrounded by queers and non-homophobes. It was very theraputic.

All the loud music and screaming gave me headache though. And inching back to the el while having my personal bubble get popped by a plethora of bodies wasn't fun.

But I'm so glad I went.

Holy Kelka!

I started watching "The L Word" about a year ago. I rented the DVD's 1) to revel in Katherine Moennig's hotness and 2) because I had watched a season 1 episode with an ex. No, he actually liked the show for the writing and not for the girl-on-girl action; he probably doesn't watch it anymore because the show has neither of these things anymore. Anyways, I thought it was funny at the time, so one day I randomly made a trip to Blockbuster.

Little did I know that I would get completely sucked into the drama. Within a week, I had watched all of seasons 1 and 2 on DVD. Then I found Kelka's podcast last August, and the rest is a history with a lot of laughing. Gay laughing.

It's amazing how much a TV show and a podcast can affect your life. They've both helped me feel less alone and more in touch with myself.

Slo and Green are a prime example of being affected: I recently learned that they're moving in together. That is so fucking awesome! I can't think of a better love story: the idea of two cute gay girls meeting through two of the funniest gay girls (and people, for that matter) alive fills me with warm fuzzies.

Warm fuzzies!

Nipple cupcakes!

Severing the Body From the Mind

I've been very introspective and insightful in the past few months. It's been worth it: I've come to piece together a better understanding of my identity and psychological problems. No, being queer isn't one of those problems, but the way that I have reacted to it has been.

I've been so objective and scientific about it all in some ways. Yeah, I've "solved the equation" so to speak, but I haven't processed all the emotions that come with putting together a large puzzle of self-destruction and confusion. Because the emotions are hitting me now, and I'm overwhelmed. I find myself fighting and resisting some things still. And it's so frustrating.

I had one of those "Why can't I just be normal?" moments a few days ago. It totally came out of nowhere, so I was caught off guard. I felt so separate and disconnected. And I feel very different from the person I was six months ago. It creeped me out.

Yes, I know that "normal" doesn't really exist and that most standards are subjective constructs. But it would just be so much easier to be a het.

I'm so tired of all the labels and stereotypes; they're so limiting and binary. I like how one of Chuck Palahniuk's characters said it in Invisible Monsters: "I'm not straight, and I'm not gay. I'm not bisexual. I want out of the labels. I don't want my whole life crammed into a single word." I feel this way sometimes.

I'm aggravated with other people's ignorant assumptions, and I'm aggravated with the ignorant assumptions that I myself have internalized. It's annoying when the enemy is in your own head and you have to extract it via unlearning and reprogramming yourself.

And I happened to see an interesting quote on someone's blog: "Without gender there is no sexuality." I thought about it, and it's so true. That would be heaven: a society that embraces the fluidity of gender.

Blah. This post is vague and emo; I don't write vague and emo posts very often. I need to stop thinking so much, start feeling, let the negativity go, and just be.

Hypermediocrity

(The appropriate subject line is a Fischerspooner reference to the song "Emerge").

The Planet Podcast, Episode 412: Long Time Coming

Kelka are bitching about the disappointing season 4 finale of "The L Word." They address how there aren't really any compelling cliffhangers and how they're complaining too much:

Elka: We can't do this; it's the podcast for "L Word" fans, not the podcast for "L Word" haters.
KC: Maybe we should change the name.
Elka: "The Podcast For People Who Can Barely Tolerate "The L Word" But Only Watch It Because There's No Other Lesbians on TV!...[pause] dot com!"

Hmm..., let's make this a URL for their blog:

http://www.thepodcastforpeoplewhocanbarelytoleratethelword
butonlywatchitbecausetheresnototherlesbiansontv.blogspot.com

I'm guessing that part of the reason why there were no huge cliffhangers in the finale was because Ilene didn't know if Showtime would renew the show for season 5. But if that was the case, they should have established a bit of , oh, I dunno closure for the characters. But I guess they just didn't know, so they had to leave it mediocre.

The only thing I'm looking forward to about season 5 is getting more podcasts. It's disappointing to see a solid work of art deteriorate, but at least there's Kelka.

There Are No Words

This is why the hate crimes laws need to protect all queers.

Can't We All Just Get Along?

I happened to stumble across this blog community. They're aristocratic. They're subjective. They're catty. And somehow I find this all amusing and fascinating. Maybe it's because they're so honest and in the open about how superficial and bitchy they can be.

I love how they shun the ever so obnoxious bi-curious girls. I like how they usually reject boring-looking girls (I know that this is a subjective judgement). I also like how their group happens to represent a diverse range of looks. And I get that one of their functions is to debunk the stereotype that all queer women are ugly and have no fashion sense.

But they use the word "hate" in their title. Hate? That's a bit much. I don't think that word belongs in a forum like this. It only serves to perpetuate another hierarchy. I think people are already catching too many of the infectious hierarchies, labels, and stereotypes that are floating around.

And the idea of posting pictures of yourself so a bunch of strangers on the internet can tell you whether or not you turn them on is so devolved. Do people really need that kind of approval from others?

It's like reality TV, 7th Heaven, and car crashes: I want to take a peak.

I Love You...?

The Planet Podcast, Episode 405: Lez Girls

Kelka are discussing how Phyllis accidentally told Alice that she loves her. And then Kelka share some good related stories:

KC: Maybe the person you talk to most of the time on the phone is your girlfriend. And you're like, "Okay, yeah, I'll see you later, I love you, bye." And then sometimes, I have almost done that with just friends. I'll be like, "Okay, yeah, I'll talk to you later, I...[awkward] gotta go."
Elka: [laughs]
KC: I'm like, "Oh my god, I almost just told my boss that I loved him."
Elka: I've never done that, but, I dunno if you remember this: one time, after I got off the phone with my friend, you tired to convince me that I had done that...
KC: [laughing] You DID!
Elka: ...and then I didn't know! And we argued about it for 20 minutes. And then I called her back and asked her. No, but I was like, "No I didn't." And you were like, "You totally just did." I was like, "NO, I really, I would remember if I said that."
KC: [laughing] The funny thing is that you had to call her back and ask her...[laughing]
Elka: Well, you were so convincing!
KC:[laughing hysterically]...you asked her if you told her that you loved her! And she's like, "WHAT??"
Elka: I hate you! I hate you!
KC: It's so funee!! Especially because the person that it was, I'm sure she was just like, cus she's one of those straight girls who always thinks that if you're nice to her you might be hitting on her. So then you call her back, and you're like, "Did I just tell you that [laughing] I loved you?!" Ahahahah!
Elka: I am not your friend anymore.

This cracked me up, and KC's contagious laughter is icing on the cake.

"Well, you know, all that fucking with no art is really rather dreary."

I was analyzing the film "Closer" with a friend. It was awesome because she really appreciates the witty dialogue and how it's done. Then she pointed out that in terms of eye candy, it's a bisexual's dream. And I remember Slo and Green saying that it's a good movie to watch naked.

In my opinion, they're all right: everyone in the film is ridiculously attractive. Although I personally am not into Julia Roberts, Natalie Portman's balance of brains, beauty, and sexiness make her attractive enough to count for two hot people. Clive Owen is so fucking sexy; his deep voice and thick accent are yummy. On top of that, he looks like the type of manly man who would fuck your brains out. Jude Law is a different flavor: he's scrawny and beautiful.

Hormones aside, I love "Closer." I watched it for the second time a few months ago. I watched it through the eyes of my ex; he would have laughed throughout the film because he is polyamorous and would assert that the problems the characters face could be solved through open relationships. I also watched it because, at the time, I was questioning my ability to be monogamous. It was interesting to view this film with a different perspective.

I like how you never see any of the cheating; you only see the scenes where the cheating is admitted and the people involved get hurt. It'd be great to derive voyeuristic pleasure from witnessing some sinful sex scenes with these gorgeous people, but the audience is denied this.

The film focuses on the damage that the infidelity causes, and this fills my two favorite scenes with raw emotion:

1) In this scene, Clive Owen's character reacts to finding out that his wife, played by Julia Roberts, had been cheating on him with Jude Law's character. When Clive Owen cried, I felt so sad to watch the rug get pulled from underneath his emotions. And when he quietly implied that she was a whore, the insult carried so much weight and pain.

2) Then, to cope with what happened, he went to a strip club and happened to find Alice (Natalie Portman) whom Jude Law's character cheated on and left for Julia Roberts. He had briefly met her before. This is one of my favorite film scenes ever. No, it's not because we get to see Natalie Portman's perfect figure. First off, the music is so appropriate: the first song is electronic, sexy, and impersonal. The second song ("How Soon is Now?" by The Smiths) has sentimental lyrics voicing the human need for love.

Throughout the scene, desperately tries to connect with her, especially because she was also hurt by Jude and Julia. He tries to get her to admit her real name, and he tries to relate to her pain. But she deflects all his attempts at sincerity with smarty, mocking remarks. She's polite, and she willingly strips for him, but she's never emotionally open. She's practically naked, but, as he points out, she wears the armor. She repeatedly reminds him that they can't physically touch; the symbolism of that is fairly obvious.

When he realizes that his attempts to get closer to her are futile, he tries to assert his dominance on the situation by ordering her to strip and bend over for him. When she asks him if that's what he wants, he replies, "What else could I want?" Well, he obviously wants more: he wants intimacy and honesty. The camera focuses in on his eyes, just as he focuses on her body parts. And you never see Natalie Portman's face as she strips. He has reduced himself to the stereotypical male sexual animal, and she voluntarily reduced herself to a sexual object. It's incredibly sad. This sadness taints another potentially sexy scene: it'd be great to watch the two fuck, and it'd be great to just gawk at Natalie Portman prance around and flirt in her skimpy little outfit. But there's more going on underneath the surface.

And the moment when she stands up and bends over takes place at just the right time in the song where it slows down. I fucking love it.

The power dynamics are reversed from what you'd stereotypically expect: the woman is the emotionally unavailable and dominant one. I like how the film shows emotional vulnerability in both men and women; it's accurate.

Also, there never is the stereotypical scene where the two men physically fight over the woman they both want, and the women never get in a cat fight. Instead, the men play games with each other's relationship to fuck with the other's heads. And in the beginning, even though Natalie Portman knows that Jude Law wants to cheat with Julia Roberts, she allows Julia Roberts to photograph her.

The whole film is so satisfyingly anti-climatic as it plays with gender roles and the traditional love story.

Crushes

I have several crushes. None of them, however, are real. This is what I mean:

-I have a crush on SloganX's voice. Green's voice is cute too, but Slo's is sexy and Shane-like.
-I have a blog crush on Riese because her writing, especially on her L Word blog, makes me laugh out loud. I hope she and her girlfriend laugh a lot.
-I have a crush on the voice of Ladytron's singer.
-I love KC and Elka dearly, but I don't have any sort of hypothetical crush on them.

Hmmmm...

A (Sex) Dream Come True

So apparently, in 1994, the Air Force considered developing a non-lethal "love bomb" that would make enemy troops want to fuck each other instead of fight.

Oh my. A bomb to turn people gay. My mind is going to explode. This idea is hilarious, ridiculous, brilliant, and fantastical.

They obviously didn't invest in this idea. If only.

"We're not faggots; we're dykes, you asshole!"

I would venture to say that the quote in the title is the best thing that came out of Jenny's mouth.

I'm in some serious Kelka withdrawal here. Getting new podcasts (almost) every week has spoiled me and probably thousands of other podcracked out Kelkians.

The Planet Podcast, Off Season: SamaaDome

Kelka are bickering over who is stereotypically gayer:

KC: And you're hairier than me.
Elka [offended]: Uh, that's because I'm Romanian, not because I'm gay!
KC: Well, it's more gay to have body hair. I'm body hair-free. I am shaven!
Elka [indignant]: No, because I cancel that out and bring me over back over to the not dykey side...
KC: No, there's no canceling out
Elka: ...because I go get waxed! I go to the salon..
KC: Well I don't have go get waxed.
Elka: Well that's what women do; they go to the salon...
KC: I would if I needed to!
Elka: Well, men think they don't need grooming either.
KC: *gasp* You think I need to go get waxed! Is this what you're telling me?
Elka: I'm saying that just because I have giant eyebrows...
KC: [laughs]
Elka: ...does not make me dykey!


Later on, Elka turned the tables on KC by exposing KC's tool collection, HAH:

KC: If I didn't own the tools, you would have to. That's all; I happen to know what tools to purchase.
Elka: Okay, I , never in my life, to this point, and never in my life in the future, will I need [pause] an orbital sander.
KC: [laughs] You might!
Elka: Nothing that I own, says "Ryobi" on it!
KC: Okay, whatever. But you enjoy the benefits of the sanding; do you not?
Elka: [laughs] I do.

I would do the part with the frog story, but print just doesn't do it justice.

I love it when they bicker; it's SO cute.

Take THAT!

Massachussets decided to reject the amendment to ban gay marriage. Thank goodness.

Yay, the United States still has ONE out of 50 states where it's legal for gay people to get married.

I just realized how embarrassing that is.

Hey Playgirl

I was having two amusing conversations regarding bisexuality (all AIM names have been changed):

ShaneMo: i kinda can't handle liking both simultanously
blueyedju: yeah you're like olivier
blueyedju: you have your periods
blueyedju: i always like both simultaneously but for different reasons
blueyedju: it's confusing as hell, i don't recommend it
ShaneMo: my point exactly
ShaneMo: i feel like i'm going through puberty twice
ShaneMo: first i had all this curiosity about guys
ShaneMo: and it's like, "great, not THIS feeling again"
blueyedju: hahahaaaa
blueyedju: oh bisexuality. you suck.
blueyedju: you are so like communism, bisexuality.
blueyedju: brilliant on paper and a bitch in practice.
ShaneMo: exactly!

RevengeGirl: so what happened to the male sex partner idea?
ShaneMo: well, i feel really gay today
RevengeGirl: hahahaha
ShaneMo: so in this moment, i'm not thinking about that
ShaneMo: that's another thing about bisexuality that sucks
RevengeGirl: i find that if you take birth control pills, it eliminates any lesbian tendency
RevengeGirl: it makes you straight
RevengeGirl: im not even joking
ShaneMo: really?
ShaneMo: interesting
RevengeGirl: well, i found that for me it happened
RevengeGirl: maybe its just psychological
RevengeGirl: or a coincidence
RevengeGirl: lol
ShaneMo: a pill to make me straight. this could make my life easier
RevengeGirl: well, it wont take it away completely
RevengeGirl: itll just make you more straight
RevengeGirl: i guess it depends where on the kinsey scale you lie

Wow, I should conduct and experiment to see if birth control has any effect on my sexuality. It sounds kinda futuristic: take a pill to conform to the masses. Take a pill to get through the week feeling like you belong to one team. It sounds kinda boring, but it also sounds safe and easy.

Humor Me

The Planet Podcast, Episode 306: Lifesize

Kelka are discussing partner health benefits, and they share a story that made me smile:

Elka: Do you remember that time I had to take you to the Emergency Room KC?
KC: Which time?
Elka: The time when you cut your hand on that piece of glass?
KC: [joking] Yeah, and you were like, "How many stitches did she get?" And they were like [mocking serious professional voice], "We can't release that information."
Elka: I know [fake laughs]. No, actually, um, I had to take KC to the Emergency Room to get stitches, and I was trying to be all supportive and stuff. FIRST of all, KC's, her thumb is like hanging by a flap of skin, blood is like spurting out, and she's like, "Oh, it's fine, I'll just put some duct tape on it! I'll just get a bandaid; I'll be fine."
KC: I still don't think I needed stitches.
Elka: You obviously needed [giggles].
KC: So anyway, what happened was Elka came in the room while they were..all they were doing was cleaning it, and you started to, like, wobble.
Elka: [laughs]
KC: And the nurse was like, "Um, you need to leave the room because you're gonna pass out."
Elka: [laughs] I was trying all supportive and like, "I'll go with you and hold your hand, don't be scared." I took one look at it and I had to leave!
KC: You looked unwell.

So cute! I recommend listening to it for the amusing voices. I love how they can take a serious issue (e.g. inequality in insurance) and tell a story or joke to make you laugh about it.

Re: Panties

American Eagle's boybrief line makes me happy. I know it's superficial, but it's rare when I can find cute clothing that combines masculine and feminine characteristics in a way that actually expresses how I feel.

Plus it makes dancing around the house (while listening to embarassingly catchy music of course) in panties and a bra much more fun.

I'm quite fond of this new coping mechanism.

Sticks and Stones Part II

This clip from "Oz" amuses me. Christopher Meloni is the sex. And the fact that he portrayed a bisexual makes him even hotter to me.

Is it okay for gay people to say homophobic slurs like "fag"? I'll admit that I have used it in a non-offensive way; it's a habit I picked up from Kelka. So, two semi-famous lesbians (well, one is a bisexual) say it, so that makes it okay?

Is it okay for black people to say "nigger"?

With close friends, you can be a little mean. You can make fun of them. Do minorities have "the rights" on taking a slur about themselves and flipping it into a benign, joking term?

A part of me thinks they think they do, and a part of me thinks that no one should be saying any slurs. I think words are arrangements of sounds and what you mean behind them is what matters the most. And I think it's important to consider who is hearing what you're trying to say.

Sticks and Stones...

I found this news story to be interesting: a teacher in Nashville was suspended for comparing the misuse of the word "gay" with the word "nigger."

He heard a female African American middle school student misuse it and asked her how she would feel if he used "the N word." She told her parents, and he ended up getting three days with no pay.

Is misusing the word "gay" the same as calling someone a "nigger"? I'm inclined to say that the two are comparable, but that "nigger" has a bit more historical venom to it. I think "faggot" and "nigger" are on equal ground because "faggot" is a blatant, intentional slur and insult. When kids say "gay" to mean "stupid," it's likely to be a habit they picked up. I think a lot of them don't know better or bother to question the implications of what they're saying.

And the teacher was trying to get them to know better. He was trying to get through to the student by striking a chord in her. I think he was right to use that moment to teach something. His comparison might have been a bit exaggerated, but I certainly don't think he should have been suspended.

I wonder if he would have been suspended if that student wasn't African American. The student's mother didn't think the teacher was trying to insult her daughter, but she thought that middle school students are too young to discuss this. Kids generally aren't fully able to discuss the power of language until they are about 16; however, they know full well that words hurt. And I think it's best to get them in the habit of knowing which words are hurtful and which aren't.

So Easy an Ill-Conceived Character Could Do It!

The Planet Podcast, Epiosode 407: Lesson Number One

Kelka are discussing this scene in which Max goes to work after coming out as a transsexual, and he's afraid of being mocked:

KC: And then Max does a Geico commercial [laughs].
Elka: [laughs]
KC: It seriously looks like the Geico commercial where the caveman...
Elka: "So easy a tranny could do it."
KC: [laughs]
Elka: It's just like where the caveman is on the people walker at the airport
KC: Yeah, the people mover.
Elka: Except that Max is the caveman. It's not really much of a stretch.

No offense is intended towards transgendered people here, but Kelka are SO right in their comparison. Here is the Geico commercial if you need proof; the similar music seals the deal.

Unfortunately, "The L Word" didn't portray Max with enough depth or intelligence. That's why comparing him to a caveman isn't a big stretch.

Officially Hooked

Samantha: In the new millenium, everyone will be pansexual. It won't matter if you're gay or straight.
Carrie: Just if you're good or bad in bed!
Samantha: Exactly!
-"Sex and the City"

Link Me

I feel like such a stereotypical gay girl for thinking that this is yummy. Justin seems like a smug fuck who is too aware of his own hotness; this doesn't seem to distract me from his hotness.

So apparently Enrique Iglesias serenaded a gay guy on stage during one of his concerts. It's cute and sweet.

This short/skit featuring the lovely Leisha Hailey and Clea Duvall is pretty funny.

"I see gay people."

I like this commercial. It came out like five years ago. I love how everything is communicated without words. I love it when a song seamlessly complements what's on the screen. The timing and music ("One Million Miles Away" by J. Ralph) are perfect as they build up to the inevitable climax of the "Speak now or forever hold your peace" moment.

Is it just me, or does it seem possible that the blonde guy had an affair with the groom?

Yup, I'm seeing gay everywhere.

Thank You, KC

The Planet Podcast, Episode 402: Livin' La Vida Loca

Kelka are discussing how the episode wasn't interesting, and KC brought in reinforcements: embarrassing quotes from Elka...

KC: Okay, I planned ahead for this. I knew that okay, what, 5 minutes into the podcast I’m already bored out of my mind because… the show sucked. So, I planned ahead… What is this look on your face?
Elka: I’m waiting
KC: And so… since this is probably gonna be a little bit boring, because the show was a little bit boring, I have decided to recite some quotes that I heard from Elka throughout the week.
Elka: Uh…
KC: What?
Elka: WHAT?!
KC: You heard me.
Elka: What does that… that doesn’t have anything to do with "The L Word!"
KC: Well like I said..
Elka: [trying to avoid the quoting that she knows will make her look like a damn fool] We have a LOT to talk about in this episode.
KC: Yeah. Okay.
Elka: We’ve got new characters; we can’t possibly have anytime for that!
KC: Alright, well let’s move on, but I’m just telling you that from time to time throughout the podcast, I will have a few quotes. And the way we’re gonna do it is [takes authoritative tone] I’m gonna say the quote, and all you get to say is whether or not you did say it. I don’t want any reasoning, I don’t want any explanation. I just want you to tell our listeners if it was an actual quote by you.
Elka: So you have fake quotes?
KC: No no! They’re real!
Elka: Well then. So you’re just trying to get me to admit to saying stuff that I actually said.
KC: Yes! Okay… I’ll give you an example. Here’s the first quote…
Elka: This is bullshit.
KC: [laughs] Why? The first quote that I jotted down from Elka this week was: “Oh no! I accidentally took off my pants and now I can’t find them!” True or false?
Elka: [laughs True.
KC: [takes professional tone] Alright, let’s move on.
Elka: I hate you!

I was disappointed to later find out that this happened on a video game Elka was playing; Elka explained this on the forum. It would have been funnier if it actually happened to her.

Michael Landon?

The Planet Podcast: OrcaDome Off-Season Podcast

Kelka are discussing things that they say while asleep:

Elka: We were camping. So we're in the tent, KC's asleep, all of a sudden, clear as day, she's like "Michael Landon."
KC: [laughs] [embarrassed] Oh, shit! Wait, I just said Michael Landon not with any emotional...
Elka: There's nothing else! It wasn't part of senten...[laughs] It wasn't part of a sentence. You weren't weren't distressed; you were just laying there,...
KC: Let me explain!
Elka: ...easily sleeping, and then outta nowhere, "Michael Landon."
KC: Pleease, allow me to explain this.
Elka: Please explain this, because there is no..
KC: You know the explanation, sort of. Well, first of all, my explanation of this is that I'm secretly in love with Mr. Engles.
Elka: [laughs]
KC: Apparently my life has been kind of affected by "Little House on the Prairie."

KC then went on to explain that Michael Landon is the father figure in her dreams because his character was sweet and kin on "Little House on the Prairie."

KC: Yeah, it's him from "Little House on the Prairie" transported to now. Well not now..to [laughs] modern day.
Elka: And you think somehow that this is normal and acceptable for you to have frequent and recurring dreams about Michael Landon?
KC: I wouldn't say frequent. Well it's weird that I would say, "Michael Landon"...
Elka: I know!
KC:....out loud. Maybe I was surprised to see him. Like, "Oh my god! Michael Landon! What the hell are you doin' on this boat?"
Elka: And at that moment, I'm like in a tent in the middle of nowhere, and I'm like, "This is pure comic gold!"
KC: I think I woke up!
Elka: I woke you up cus I was laughing so hard!
KC: Yeah, cus you're like, "What the fuck?! You're talkin' about Michael Landon!" I was like, "He's my dad."
Elka: And at first you tried to deny it!
KC: [laughs]
Elka: And I was like, "No, there's nothing that rhymes with "Michael Landon" that I could have mistaken this for.
KC: Maybe I said "Teena Brandon."
Elka: Oh, that's better, somehow.

Perhaps I should admit that I have had a few dreams in which the father figure is Stephen Collins from "7th Heaven."

Huzzah!

Governor John Lynch, of New Hampshire, signed a law allowing same-sex couples the same rights as married couples.

Tuning In

I recently finished watching season one of "Sex and the City" on DVD. I love HBO. I love how their programming is intelligent, witty, and well-written. I wouldn't put "Sex and the City" up there with my favorite shows, but I definitely enjoy the humor and the thought-provoking questions that Carrie Bradshaw poses. It says a lot if I can enjoy a TV show with characters that I don't relate to on most levels. If anything, I'm a bit of both Miranda (haha, the cynical one played by a lesbian, of course) and Carrie.

Anyways, the show totally reminded me of a bunch of heterosexual paradigms (and paradigms about relationships in general) that I almost forgot about. At the end of season 1, Carrie breaks up with Mr. Big because she realizes that he's not as serious about her as she is him. She desperately wants to be "the one" for him. And Charlotte's dream is to get married. She's so desperate to know when, that she goes to a few psychics to find out. It's gross.

I have nothing against people who want to be happily married to that one person for the rest of their lives. It's great if some people can find that. Who knows, I may end up being that person. But I don't think it's entirely realistic, and I don't know if it's for me. I see myself as a serial monogamist. And it's not just because I'm a bisexual with very diverse tastes.

I'm all for working to make a relationship last. But at the same time, people's feelings, goals, desires, and personalities can change drastically. Sometimes relationships just naturally run their couse, and it's best to accept that and move on. It doesn't mean that they lacked meaning just because they didn't last forever.

I'm glad that I'm tuning into what I really want and what fits me.

Unnatural? I Think Not

I'm sure most people have heard about the gay flamingos, but I'd figure I'd link to it anyways.

Here's an article about a museum exhibit about homosexuality and bisexuality in nature.

I'm clearly getting a bit lazy about blogging.