"Fatherhood has turned you into a dithering idiot."

I'm starting to think I have some issues with breeders. Not necessarily straight people, but people who choose to have babies. But most people who have babies happen to be mostly straight people.

Disclaimer: I do have maternal instincts! I smile at cute babies in public (until they start crying). I enjoy playing and bonding with kids at most ages. I understand the joy in caring for and helping youth, and if you created those youth, then that joy must be unimaginable to someone who isn't a parent. Hell, I felt happy when Miranda decided to not abort her child on "Sex and the City." She wanted a child and seemed like a potentially competent parent. (Too bad her son Brady turned out to be a not-so adorable baby).

And it must be special to create another human being with someone you love. I will also admit that I can see myself as a parent. I only get brief flashes of mental images, but I acknowledge that it is a possibility.

However, it's a possibility that I don't want. And I hope that my biological clock doesn't change that. I don't want to give exorbitant amounts of time, money, and energy to another human. It needs to be a completely selfless act, and such an act clashes with several of my goals.

I guess I just question people's motives for having children with quite a bit of cynicism:

• The idea of wanting something to care and love for sounds codependent; care and love should first go to oneself.
• The idea of wanting a younger version of yourself sounds egotistical; children are entire other human beings with minds of their own, and they weren't created so they could be fashioned in another's likeness.
• The idea of wanting a child to give you purpose in life sounds pathetic; children shouldn't be used to be lived through vicariously or to fill voids.
• The idea of perpetuating one's blood so one's family can continue to make its mark on the world sounds presumptuous to me; do people stop to think whether their genetic code and values could help the world?
  

Not all parents operate from these faulty premises; there are competent, rational, and nurturing parents out there. But, in my opinion, they are outnumbered by the incompetent, irrational, and selfish parents.

I don't like how having children is considered the way to "mature" when people can have children for immature reasons. I'll admit that I look down on the idea of reproducing because it's biologically imprinted in most people and because it's a goal that is reinforced with heterosexist programming. People can be judged for not having children: women can be seen as "barren" and men can be seen as "unwilling to settle down."

I like how it was put in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" by Toula, the main character: "There are three things that every Greek woman must do in life: marry Greek boys, make Greek babies, and feed everyone. " And I like how she explains family occasions:

So, what happens is my dad and uncles, they fight over who gets to eat the lamb brain. And then my aunt Voula forks the eyeball and chases me around with it, try to get me to eat it, 'cause it's gonna make me smart. So, you have two cousins, I have 27 first cousins. Just 27 first cousins alone! And my whole family is big and loud. And everybody is in each other's lives and business. All the time! Like, you never just have a minute alone, just to think, 'Cause we're always together, just eating, eating, eating! The only other people we know are Greeks, 'cause Greeks marry Greeks to breed more Greeks, to be loud breeding Greek eaters.

Furthermore, parents can have such a strong impact on their children. They can teach them bigotry, self-hatred, and dogma. They can project their own emotional baggage onto their offspring. I know that it's a radical, presumptuous, and unrealistic idea, but I do think there should be parenting licenses. If people need to take a class and pass some tests to learn how to drive (so they don't hurt other people on the road), then why shouldn't potential parents prove that they won't endanger their children with destructive ideas and abuse?

Pro-life people want to protect babies who haven't been born yet, but what about protecting babies from parents who could hurt their children in other ways? Some children spend their lives trying to unlearn the crap their parents instilled in them.

I know I'm being very negative and cynical. I know that defining parental fitness would be very hard in America considering all the cultural differences. And I know that such social controls contradict America's ideal of freedom and diversity.

But a girl can dream.

Here's a random bit of a conversation I had with Kelkian:

ShaneMo: the world should be 90% gay and 10% straight
CAGirl: and there should be parenting licenses
CAGirl: haha, you are my people!!!!
ShaneMo: ;-)
CAGirl: "What the world should be" by us
ShaneMo: indeed!
ShaneMo: i'm bi, and i don't get why heterosexual sex is revered as the archetype
ShaneMo: all it does is lead to more babies that most ppl can't take care of or raise properly
CAGirl: I am bi as well...and couldn't agree more! I think that when we are babies we should all be made so that we can not procreate...once we reach a suitable age, and pass the required tests, then the procedure is reversed and we are allowed to have children.
ShaneMo: haha!
CAGirl: :-)
CAGirl: I mean....I am not overly opinionated!
ShaneMo: yeah, i gotcha
ShaneMo: i'm usually not. but every now and then, i just get this wave of disgust for the breeders
CAGirl:haha, ok...I lied i usually am too opinionated....but still very open minded!
ShaneMo: LOL