"I'll bet you need nigga repellant."

Friend: there was some cute woman hitting on me, and i was sooo not interested
Me: why not?
Friend: cause im not a lesbian lol
Me: but you're kinda bi'ish
Friend: meh kinda. but when i really like someone, i get chemically monogamous to them
Friend: so im kinda (name of female crush)-sexual
Me: awwww

Friend: have you ever seen a vagina up close?
Me: yeah...
Friend: they look really gross
Me: i don't think that
Me: you have one
Me: you think your own genitalia is gross?
Friend: yes well i dont mind my own
Me: lol
Friend: and im not my girlfriend
Friend: so it doesnt bother me
Me: lol
Me: you don't have to eat your own pussy
Friend: exactly
Me: pussies are kind of like an intriguing challenge
Friend: how so?
Me: making a girl happy is WAY more of an accomplishment than making a guy happy
Friend: oh. yesterday i got these long fake nails. now i can repell the lesbians, they wont hit on me
Me: you vagophobe
Me: with your anti vag nails
Friend: lol
Friend: my lesbian repellant