Me

Two posts in one day!

A lot has been going on. Well not necessarily event-wise, but I've been noticing a lot in recent mundane occurrences. I once again feel like I'm on the verge of incorporating new ideas into my perceptions (and consequently my actions). There's a lot to say, but there's not a lot of time to say it. Here's some random shit:

• I'm a pretty good friend. I listen, I try to find the humor and up side to difficult situations, I can be forgiving and non-judgmental, and I'm usually available. No, I'm not trying to toot my own horn. But it dawned on me that I don't apply any of these qualities to myself! I judge most of my thoughts negatively, so I try to tune out to what's going on in my head because I immediately label it all as unacceptable. But on the other hand, I'm so inherently introspective that ideas/revelations will suddenly hit me when I'm doing something completely boring...like the dishes. I need to have some compassion for myself and learn to listen to myself with that patient, observant, and neutral attentiveness that I reserve for my close friends. Disconnecting myself from myself is going to get me nowhere.
• I haven't seen my best friend in two weeks. We live five minutes from each other, but our schedules just haven't been matching. I feel off. I didn't realize how I got used to our routine until now. And it's rare to have people that know about allll of your facets. I find it very relieving to be mushy and affectionate with a friend and to experience no complications or unclear boundaries.
  
• I've been feeling simultaneously gay and straight. This doesn't happen to me often.
• I've been listening to Kelka for a year now. Is it pathetic that a podcast has had such a big impact on my life?
• This article says that the blue/pink distinction for males and females is biological. I'm not sure what I think yet. I remember hating pink as a kid because I thought it was girly and that girliness wasn't cool. Now I love pink because I think it goes well with my non-pasty skin tone. And isn't that the point of wearing different colors? To wear what looks good on you? I'm not sure that's a gender thing.