Confessions of a Post-Adolescent Queer Girl

These are pretty random, but they're all queer:

• I look at online FTM communities almost daily. I consider it eye candy. I'm not sure I'd date one, but who knows.

• My ideal girl is a switch in terms of both gender identity and roles. And she'd encourage me to be the same way.

• This isn't much of a surprise to anyone who reads my blog regularly, but I generally (there are exceptions) see boys as toys and girls as relationships. Sometimes I wonder if I'm a sincere bisexual or just bouncing around in an odd grey area.

• I allow my indecisiveness to prevent me from acting at all.

• I occasionally feel afraid of getting physical with someone of either gender and not being into them, even if I like them as a person.

• I used to hate having hips because I felt like they forced me to look...child-rearing. Then I realized that they're just the right size for me in order to express both boy-ness and girl-ness.

• This is one I actually feel embarrassed about: I sort of think Ilene Chaiken can be attractive. The second she opens her mouth, however, my attraction evaporates.
  

• I never feel complete no matter how I choose to present myself: I wish I could physically express all facets of my gender identity simultaneously while still looking coherent. I'm not sure that's possible. Some Hindu deities give it a try, and it isn't exactly a unified look. Oh well. Who said feeling complete is part of existence anyways?