Concerning Breeders (Part 1)

Heterosexuals can be annoying.

Yeah, I'm part-hetero, but I still have days when I find the breeders irritating.

I wonder how many people really are bisexual or homosexual. Obviously, the vast majority of the world's popoulation is heterosexual, but how many people would express their non-heterosexuality if society didn't operate based on the heterosexual assumption? The truth is that homosexuality is denounced and heterosexuality is pervasively reinforced by societal and religious programming. The gay and bisexual people that do come out of the closet are the ones who 1) are in tune with what their sexual orientations are telling them, and 2) are brave enough to deviate from the hetero norm.

But what about those people who, say, aren't quite straight and aren't quite bi? Or the people who are bi? Or the gay people who don't at all look like the stereotypical lumberjack lesbian or flamboyant fag? Do they suppress their homosexual desires to fit in?

I don't hate straight people or men. I'm not seething with rage and bitterness. But there are times when I feel some aggravation with various social and legal heterosexual privileges:

1) They don't have to go through a process of acknowledging, understanding, accepting, and defending their sexuality.

2) They are far more likely to be able to safely assume that the person they are interested is heterosexual; they don't really need "straight-dar."

3) People don't question why they're heterosexual. People don't blame it on sexual abuse or a dysfunctional relationship with a parent.

4) No one opposes their right to reproduce regardless of the fact that most people aren't psychologically or financially stable enough to be decent parents.

5) No one opposes their right to get married.

6) They don't have to face demeaning remarks, behaviors, or stereotypes for wanting to fuck someone of the opposite sex (even though men and women often think of sex very differently).

Most organized religions consider gay sex to be immoral, dirty, unholy, etc. Well, what good has heterosexual sex done for humanity? At least gay sex doesn't lead to teen pregnancies, accidental pregnancies, and abortions (I'm pro-choice, but that doesn't mean that I'd want myself or anyone in the position of having to get an abortion because it can be a difficult choice to make). At least gay sex doesn't make incompetent people into unfit parents. At least gay sex doesn't lead to unwanted children who flood public school systems with loads of emotional baggage that underpaid teachers have to manage.

I'd venture to say that a dick in a vagina has done more global damage than a dick in the ass. So I really don't get why heterosexual sex is revered as the sexual archetype.

Maybe I'm just aggravated because most females want the wedding dress, husband, kids, baby showers, etc. ad nasueum. And I don't entirely understand that.

10 Good Things About Season 4

I'm almost tempted to put "(seasons 1 & 2)" after "The L Word" in my list of my favorite TV shows on my myspace and facebook profiles. Yeah, seasons 3 and 4 had some significant disappointments. But because I still don't want to hate the show, I want to write about some good things (in no particular order) about season 4:

1) The humor. Season 3 definitely had humor, but killing Dana and turning Tina into an inconsiderate heterosexual was pretty fucking depressing. It was nice to get some more lightheartedness in season 4. The basketball game had me laughing in spite of myself (Elizabeth Ziff did write that episode, but that scene was mostly ad libbed, so we don't have to give ez girl credit for it).

The phone tree and the discussion over whether or not Helena should whore herself to Catherine Rothberg were comedic gold in both writing and visual presentation.

2) Tasha. I'd say she's the best new character this season. And it's not just because they finally put a black lesbian on the show. She's masculine, she's hot, and she's a deviation from the rich fashion-obsessed focus of the show. Even though it's annoying that Ilene is obviously trying to do a PSA on gays in the military, I think Tasha's mysterious character and role in the army brings a nice change to the show.

3) Alice finally found some love. If you think about it, she really hasn't had much luck in this department since the beginning of the show: Lisa the lesbian man and Gabby didn't work out so well for her in season 1. And while she had fun with Dana in season 2, Dana was still in love with Lara and hesitated to declaring her love for Alice. Tasha and Alice really seem to complement each other, and they are the best couple of season 4.

4) The return of AlphaBette (sorta). It sucked to see Bette unemployed, wearing baggy Buddha clothes, and celibate in season 3. I felt happy to see her getting some play and an authoritative, art-related job. She's adorable and hilarious when she's angry and wearing a suit. Yummy. And the way she stood up to the homophobes in a calm, dignified way at the "gay/straight mixer" in "Lassoed" was inspiring. Too bad Jodi has her by the leash now.

5) Tina got some karma for her behavior in season 3 (constantly eye rolling at Bette, flirting and having sex with Henry in Bette's house). Any idiot who leaves the gorgeous Bette for gross Henry deserves to feel alienated from her friends and then experience regret and jealousy over her mistake.

6) We got to see Shane grow. Shane has come a long way since season 1. I think Katherine Moennig did a good job of realistically showing Shane slowly grow into a responsible parental figure.

7) There were no obvious Betty appearances.

8) Alice. She's just consistently funny, and she brings out the humorous, cute side in Helena.

9) Max wasn't an asshole. His role as the victimized, alienated tranny got kind of predictable. But it seems realistic, and we didn't have to deal with testosterone-induced behavior.

10) People like KC, Elka, and Riese have helped to make season 4 more enjoyable by finding the humor in its flaws. Praise the Kelkian Army!

A few thoughts for later

• I am bisexual (and I've unsuccessfully tried to entertain the idea that I'm just gay or straight). And I don't particularly want to date a bisexual because I've internalized the stereotype that being bi means you're indecisive, and you'll eventually end up with men. And yet I know that there's a very good chance that I won't want a man to be my life partner.
  

Hmm...ironic? Hypocritical?

• I just remembered when I was in 6th or 7th grade, I had a few ideas for remedying the world's overpopulation:

• 1) Put piranas in the pools of the rich
• 2) Make all men be gay for a year

I guess I've always had a bit of contempt for the breeders.

Danaaaa!

Dana was never my favorite character. When I started watching "The L Word," I got sucked into the Bette/Tina drama and loved checking out Shane.

And while I get really emotionally engaged in my favorite TV shows and movies, I've never actually cried.

But seeing Dana in the finale of season 4 put a lump in my throat. I forgot how much she brought to the show. Watching her go through the process of coming out and learning to be her gay self was a solid, realistic part of the show.

Stupid Ilene. She could have stayed on the soapbox with her breast cancer awareness message and still let Dana live.

But the scene with Dana as a ghost/hallucination/Alice's conscience broke my heart, especially when Alice teared up. I loved how Dana was sassy, bossy, wise, and sincere all at the same time. She challenged Alice while being sympathetic with her.

I liked the "all you know is that you don't know" message. It's so true; we really don't know what is in store for us, and that uncertainty is one of the only reliable constants in life.

I also liked it when Dana asked Alice if she wished she never met her. If she wished Dana never existed so Alice's life could have been easier without having to suffer losing her to 1) Lara and 2) breast cancer.

Alice doesn't answer, but I think that even though she lost Dana, she shouldn't regret knowing her or wish that Dana never existed.

We've all experienced hurt and loss with people, but life would be empty and one-sided if we never met the people that will eventually cause us pain as a result of the inevitable connection between love and hurt.

Why the Kelka podcast is so good

When I first started listening to the Planet Podcast in August, I found myself overwhelmed at how laugh-out-loud funny it was to listen to two girls discuss "The L Word." It was almost too funny. Eventually, I ate up all the podcasts and found myself laughing at them after listening to them several times each. It was a bit amazing how they could be consistently funny.

When season 4 started, like the thousands of other Kelkians, I joined in on keeping up with the blog and forum. I noticed that there are many listeners who are more addicted than I am. I noticed many demanding, cracked-out fans who admitted to constantly refreshing the blog page in anxious anticipation for the next podcast. I noticed people saying they "needed their fix."

I'm not this obsessed, but I'll admit I've had a few dreams in which my subconscious entertains ideas as to what they look like.

I'm in awe of the community they've established. With the help of technology, they've created a worldwide social network. And I think, as a minority, the homos could always use more networking.

So why are KC and Elka so good? They're funny. Duh. But what specifically is it about them and their podcast that has so many of us hooked? I have a few thoughts that begin to answer this question (in no particular order):

1) The quality of "The L Word" has been declining since season 3. We gay girls need our gay media fix, so we keep watching the show in hopes that it'll be as good as seasons 1 and 2. They make this decline bearable to watch by finding the humor in it.

2) They have complementary styles of humor. There are definitely overlaps, but Elka goes for more wit (e.g. "It's like Papi found the cheat code for the vagina..."), and KC goes for more sillyness (e.g. the voices during the second Valentine's Day podcast). Together, they are an unbeatable comedic duo.

3) Their chemistry. They have known each other for nine years. They are in a committed relationship. They bicker. They make fun of each other. And it's fun to listen to.

4) They are spontaneous and unscripted. They tangent (yes, I'm using it as a verb) often. As a result, we get to hear funny stories that we wouldn't otherwise hear if they were more formal.

5) They are uncensored and feel free to mock just about everyone.

6) They keep some ambiguity and mystery: even though they admitted that they were a couple on the SloGreenX podcast, they still try to make (half-assed) attempts at pretending they're just friends. We don't know how old they are (although we have a rough idea), and we probably will never find out what they look like. Mystery keeps people on their toes wanting more.

7) Their laughter is too contagious.

8) They are role models. They are both out, and they sincerely promote the importance of being out. They're confident in themselves, and this is attractive to young, confused queers.

9) They're observant and analytical. The more you notice in a TV show, the more there is to laugh about.

10) They maintain two-way communication. They participate on the blog, forum, exchange holiday cards, and write personable e-mails. They're smart about keeping their privacy, but they are still awesome about being a part of the community they've created.

Identity Vol. 1

I started watching "The L Word" because of Shane/Katherine Moennig. I had seen a few floating LJ icons of her, and her image caught my eye. She physically exemplifies androgyny: she has the skinny boy hips, and she looks super in sexy male clothing. She rocks the boy arms, the messy short hair, and the Converse (which takes me back to my fashion sense in high school). And her pronounced chin has her looking like a dude from certain angles. And yet she has a big beautiful smile, glowing green eyes, and wears eye make up.

When I started watching the show, I noticed that her mannerisms exuded a calm, suave, sexy confidence that only made her deep, sultry voice even more attractive.

I found her painfully hot. It was hard to look at her because it felt like an overload of sexiness.

But I don't want to fuck her.

The way she looks physically is how I feel on the inside. I remember asking a friend in high school if I was (physically) androgynous, and I didn't quite hear what I wanted to:

Me: Am I androgynous?
Her: Sorta, but your boobs are too big in comparison to the size of your hips.
Me: Dammnit!

I remember telling an ex-boyfriend that I thought I was androgynous, and, after seeing me without my clothes on, he told my that my body was too petite and too feminine for that. He did tell me that he could see how I'm mentally androgynous because I have a more boyish sense of humor (blunt, crass, sarcastic). A part of me has learned to accept and embrace all this.

Growing up, I had a bit of a complex for not being as girly as I "should" have been. I hated shopping, dresses, wearing my hair down, make-up, and the color pink. All that made me uncomfortable and like I was not being myself. My mom made me feel like I wasn't the right type of girl. I've become more well-rounded: I love pink, I occasionally wear a bit of make up, and I love showing off my curly hair when the humidity doesn't turn it into an afro. But, on the inside, I still feel that androgyny. There are some days where I love to feel girly, and there are other days when that grosses me out.

I'm starting to accept my own diversity and see that I don't have to live up to any standard of femininity that isn't me. But it's still confusing and a bit of a struggle at times. I simultaneously feel like and insider and an outsider with my more normal hetero friends.

This also applies to my fluctuating sexual identity. I'll save another post for that can-of-worms issue.