Thursday, January 31, 2008

Hotness Overload! Abort! Abort!

Sigh, life is great during Kelka season; I wish I could explain it to people outside the Kelkaverse. I have to admit that I'm getting sucked back into The L Word. Season three broke my heart, and season 4 made me yawn (with the exception of a few hilarious scenes). Season 5 appears to be both light and engaging.

There are a bunch of things that I'm not a fan of though:
  • I think there's a bit too much nakedness. I'm not necessarily opposed to it, but I don't want to feel like I'm watching softcore porn that could easily facilitate a straight male's orgasm.
  • I'm hoping for some sort of a twist with Shane so she doesn't just continue to be a sex fiend. She's clearly not satisfied with just sexing all the time, but she's not capable of swearing off it either.
  • They need to make Max a little less lame. I am from the Midwest; I am not that lame. He danced pretty well in 304. Transitioning to malehood does not mean one should forfeit one's ability to dance. I wanted him to be with Grace, but, she's way too good of a dancer for him.
  • I don't want to dislike Alice, but they're making it hard for me not to! She was SO much cooler in the first two seasons.
In spite of all this, I have a confession to make: the hilariousness of Jenny's bitchiness is growing on me a bit. I must admit I'm guilty of re-playing that flirtation scene with Shane several times. Everything about that scene was perfect: Jenny's demeanor, Shane's facial expressions, Shane's clothing, Jenny's timing, etc. I want to know whose idea was it for Jenny to grab her own boob like that. My goodness. I'm guessing it was Mia Kirshner's. I have to give her props for that. HOT HOT HOT.

Sigh.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Some Homework

According to this and this, there is some truth to the Tasha/Alice storyline. Apparently 10,000 service personnel have been discharged since Don't Ask Don't Tell took effect. 54 of them know Arabic.

I guess they aren't just going to keep who they can get.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Episode 504: "Let's Get This Party Started"

I noticed a bit of a theme regarding maintaining a public image that is safe, conformist, and/or lucrative vs. being honest with yourself and/or pushing the envelope. This applies to Tasha/Alice trying to lie to keep Tasha in the military, Jenny fighting for a less-than-fuckable actor to be in her movie, and Max and Alice fighting over including transgendered issues on Our Chart.
Opening Scene:
It was entertaining. Niki Stevens is only hot when she doesn't talk and just kisses. I do not agree with Tina's assertion that she's "gorgeous."

Self-Defense Class: Gotta love all the passive-aggressiveness. It reminds me of the WB/CW-like drama in college. Girl drama is aggravating, but it can be fun.

Max: Well, Alice just came out with her bitchiness towards him. Again, out of character. He needs to get more friends of his own. And I don't get why BETTE (someone who is sophisticated and advocates challenging norms) was even making fun of him being with Tom. I understand that these characters have to be flawed and occasionally unlikeable, but I think it should at least be realistic.

I love how I have little to say about Max himself; all my commentary is about how he is treated. Okay, we get it: trannies can be discriminated against. Could we please see some probing into his psyche?

Alice: For a moment, I was slightly glad that she was discriminated against right after she verbally chewed Max out. The at whole scene in which she was basically interrogated was scary, but it didn't seem too realistic. At least I hope it wasn't realistic.

It was cute when Tasha's lawyer ended up being a nice guy. And you know the fact that she took that picture of the closeted basketball player with another dude is going to cause trouble. Or not.

Shane: I loved her South Beach diet line.Without sex, Shane acts the way she looks: like a 15-year-old boy. Video games and chocolate? Nuh uh. The couple she finally fucked at the end...didn't do it for me. I liked the music though.

One thing I realized about Shane is that she doesn't expect people to be anything other than what they are (which is how she wants to be treated, as indicated in the episode in which she went to confession). She accepts what people have to offer, and I admire that. That's why she's one of the few people who still likes Jenny, even though I never understood how they were "best friends."

Jenny: Sigh, this week I am actually going to acknowledge her. Mainly because I agree with her opinion of Niki Stevens. I like how she was impervious to Niki's groveling, even if it seemed sincere. Everything about Niki (demeanor, voice, gayness) seems fake to me.

I enjoyed Jenny's flirtation with the sexually-repressed Shane. I don't think those two should hook up, but when Jenny was standing there in a bra, I was reminded by the fact that she's pretty. Her bitchiness blinds me to her beauty. But she needs to stop wearing so much goddamn eyeshadow. I am curious to see how Adele is going to fuck Jenny over; we saw glimpses of her non-Jenny groupie self this episode.

Kit: Maybe her potential fight to keep The Planet alive and find out who robbed her will be interesting storylines.

TiBette: Sigh, they FINALLY kissed. I was glad, but I would have enjoyed it more if I didn't think they both looked like ass. Bette's hair is annoying because you KNOW she can look better. And I wasn't a fan of Tina's dress. It was a good kiss though, and I like how you couldn't hear Bette crying. Her crying reminded me of all the shit she went through in season 3. I really hope they end up being a healthier couple this time around.

The episode was interesting. This season is doing a pretty good job of manipulating me into wanting to know what happens next. I wasn't attracted to very many people though. I hope that changes next week.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Great Converter

I'm so proud! I created a local Kelkian whom I spotted on Riese's blog:

Me: a-HA!
Me: you're a kelkian now!
Her: hey stranger
Her: you changed me LIFE!!!
Her: haha
Me: really??
Her: yes i love love love
Me: i'm so happy!
Her: i have been listening to all the old ones as well as new
Her: like multiple times a day
Her: i call their hotline a lot lately haha
Her: seriously like my LIFE yo
Me: yeah...pretty much all of them are really funny
Her: and btw we are going to pride together haha
Her: you and i
Me: in albuquerque!?
Her: yes
Me: !!!
Her: want to?!
Me: yes!

FINALLY!

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Hmmm...

In the previous post, I was wondering why Kelka asserted that, if they were men, they'd want to be gay men. And I think it boils down to not wanting to be part of an interaction in which a female is subjected to the wang. Maybe it's a feminist thing. Maybe it's a lesbian thing. Maybe it's a slightly "heterophobic" thing. I'm not sure.

But preferring to interact with the wang as a gay male indicates a desire for equality since both partners have the same equipment and are capable of imposing on each other.

But interacting with the wang as a female doesn't necessarily mean she's being subjected to it. And some women enjoy varying degrees of subjection (just like some men do, gay or straight). Furthermore, it's not like there can't be subjection between two females. Ironically, my friend just showed me this link.

To each their own. I see both sides.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Well Now Don't You Just Suck?

Don't ask me why, but I was craving a film with some historical escapism to it. So I watched Alexander knowing it probably wouldn't be that good. In the film, Alexander (played by Colin Farrel) is in love with Jared Leto's character. They prepetually declare their love for each other and hug. And in every scene in which they leaned in close to each other, I was sitting there thinking, "Okay, shut up and kiss already!"

But they never did! It coulda been really hot! But NOOO! And, to make it even more irritating, they were more than willing to show Colin Farrel kissing, de-clothing, and having sex with Rosario Dawson. So she can be buck naked, but they couldn't even humor me by letting me see Jared Leto and Colin Farrel kiss just once? LAME! And Rosario Dawson's character was just there for her eggs and uterus. Hhmph!

I think it's interesting how, in their most recent podcast (503), Elka and KC were saying how they'd be gay men if they were males. Logically speaking, that's a bit odd considering that KC has repeatedly declared her disgust for the wang, and Elka appears to prefer sex with women.

Although, somehow, I get it. I can't quite put it into words yet, but I think I get it. If I was a guy, I'd still be bi, and I think kissing boys would be hotter if I was one too. Buh?

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Ha?

I googled "kelkian army" just for the heck of it, and this was the first hit.

The most accurate definition on there is "faggotry." (You know, an army of faggots).

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Bah!

Today I was going to write a post on an article I saw about a study indicating that gay couples are happier than straight couples. But I feel like bitching about The L Word instead. I specifically want to bitch about the way Max is being treated by the main characters. Right now, only Kit and Shane are being nice to him.

Actually, I've been a bit confused about the way they treated him since he's been in L.A. I could understand how things were awkward when he (then Moira) had dinner with everyone in "Lobsters." I understand that the flannel vest he wore was horrifying and that he didn't fit in. I understand why everyone hated him when he was an asshole on testosterone (which I honestly think was another one of Ilene's PSA's: "If you decide to transition, get testosterone through a doctor!").

Are these "lipstick lesbians" so oblivious to and offended by the concept of female masculinity? I'd love to rip apart some of the writing during the dinner in "Lobsters" at a later date.

But I really don't understand why Alice is being a smug bitch to him. He redeemed himself in all of season 4. He demonstrated that he could be a nice guy, and I could see why anyone would be hesitant to be his friend at first.

But Alice agreed to work with him. Was she just using him? How could she, of all people, be bigoted against an FTM? In seasons 1 and 2, she declared that she likes the wang, asked Dana to fuck her with a strap-on, and even posed the, "Why do girls shave their legs?" question. And in 304, when Max wore a suit (and looked damn fine in it), she said, "She looks like a hot guy; I like it." Alice is pretty queer; her current bigotry towards Max is completely out of character.

(Hah, I clearly know my L Word. I acknowledge my lameness).

Are there gay people out there who really do look down on transgendered individuals? I could understand how they would find it odd, confusing, or tedious. But I really don't understand how someone who has probably been judged for their orientation at least once would judge another queer person.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Episode 503: "Lady in the Lake"

Opening scene: I laughed out loud. If only those "gaydar guns" really existed.

Bette: She needs to dump Jodi's ass pronto. "Fuck David Hockney"? I happen to like David Hockney and this painting of his. Jodi isn't worth it. And that friend of Jodi's seemed to be trying to deliberately piss Bette off. I always love watching Bette in conflict: either she maintains her composure admirably, or she hilariously loses her shit. They're clearly trying to show growing differences between Bette and Jodi to make room for the inevitable TiBette re-fuck session.

Alice: Her unrealistic job is...getting on my nerves. Why does she continue to be a bitch to Max? It's not like her character to do that. In fact, I would have thought she'd have found him attractive since she hinted at that possibility in season 3. I really don't like to see Leisha act bigoted like that.

Max: He should find a job where he isn't treated like shit. And he should fuck Tom. They aren't giving his character enough time. Surprise surprise.

Tasha: Similarly, she should find a career where her identity isn't despised. Big duh here. And she should fuck Alice more often. I have no idea if they're portraying "Don't Ask Don't Tell" accurately. My guess is they aren't.

Kit: The voice of the guy who robbed her sounded like the Manny to me. I'm probably wrong, but that's the first thought that popped up into my head.

Tina: I'm glad she finally got laid. Wow, um, that sex scene was uh...filled. I'm not sure I'd fuck a woman who got an augmentation. But I guess Tina can't be too picky at this point. I felt slightly dirty watching that...not in a good way I think this season is overcompensating for the dry spells from last season. It's not BAD, but it's very obvious.

Shane: It's cute she's trying to be celibate, but everyone knows that's as futile as her trying to marry Carmen. I didn't like seeing Shane embarrassing herself on (literally) Helena. It'd be so great to see Carmen come back and witness a conversation between her and Shane.

Helena: Wow, go Helena. I hope she and Dusty run off into the sunset. I didn't like Peggy as much in this episode as I have in the past.

More happened in this episode, but it still felt transitional. It was enjoyable, and I liked some of the music. But I'm not feeling "L Word fuzzies" right now either.

"All in all is all we are."

I'm a bit surprised that I've managed to put up so many posts about bisexuality, but I guess it's not really surprising. I'm just going to let this conversation speak for itself:

Friend:
i have always wanted to be a mother for instance
Friend: whether that has to do with a het relationship or not is what i've grappled with
Friend: before i ever came out to my mom, she told me, "you can just get pregnant with a man and tell him you don't want a relationship with him. that's fine." she seemed very insistent on that.
Friend: and in retrospect i think that's what she did with her first husband
Friend: hedging her bets like
Me: hm
Friend: but now that i'm out to her
Friend: and she knows i prefer Relationships With Guys
Friend: and that i mostly just like to have sex with girls, and haven't been able to commit to a relationship with one
Friend: she says, "it's best if you have a baby with a man who'll commit to you and to raising the child"
Friend: so there's a double standard
Friend: if my bf was a girl she'd say completely different things
Me: how...adaptive of her
Friend: well, i read your blog posts about what bisexuality is
Friend: regarding whether or not you're bi if you're in a committed het relationship
Friend: that stuff troubles me
Friend: i know i am
Friend: i know i want and love women
Friend: there is never any doubt in my mind that i'm thoroughly bisexual, and percentages don't matter
Friend: and that the man i'm with satisfies all of that
Friend: the masculine i want and the feminine i want
Friend: but it's still weird. am i less bi for wanting to get pregnant?
Me: there are lesbians who want to get pregnant
Friend: of course
Friend: but i want to have a baby with a man
Friend: one specific man
Friend: so where does that put me
Me: that's why i make a distinction between actual and current sexuality
Friend: i don't think that's fair though.
Friend: your sexuality is not a biography.
Friend: it's in your head.
Friend: it's always there.
Me: hmm
Friend: i will love and want girls until i die.
Friend: and i will continually attempt to be with them until i die.
Friend: : because i am bisexual.
Me: okay, so there's what's in your head and there's what you're doing
Friend: right.
Me: you're doing your bf
Me: but girls are still in your head
Me: if you continue to have them in your head, then you're bi
Me: hmm
Me: but even that is limited
Friend: sure, cause my bf will never have tits or a vagina or a female psyche.
Me: you'd still be bi if you had babies w/ him
Me: but...your participation for the bi team would be less
Me: just makes you a less active member, but you're still a member
Friend: i don't think making babies with a dude makes a person less bi
Friend: i think making babies with a dude who restricts bi ideation and behavior makes a person less bi
Friend: my bf is more actively bi than i am at this point
Friend: he's more curious
Friend: he's more enthusiastic about the idea of kissing boys
Friend: bisexuality is about the ability to love and want anyone
Friend: : he and i both have that
Me: well...i think making babies does generally make you less focused on sex for a while
Friend: the fact that we choose each other for a life mate or wtfever is not a sign of orientation
Friend: maybe, but who knows?
Friend: some couples fuck like bunnies during and after
Friend: i've always looked forward to pregnancy
Me: i'm sure, but if you're having kids, priorities change
Friend: i always thought the idea of childbirth was horrifying, but pregnancy, shit, that's hot
Friend: you're a goddess
Friend: you're making a new person
Friend: from your body
Friend: : and depressed
Friend: and hungry
Friend: and anorexic
Friend: and pissy
Friend: and sad
Friend: and craving
Friend: and screaming
Friend: such are goddesses
Me: *rolls eyes
Friend: come on
Me: overrated
Friend: meditate on the idea of making a person in your belly
Friend: with no men or women or anyone else
Friend: and try and tell me the idea isn't spiritually beautiful
Me: you're so dead set on converting me
Friend: no
Me: it's a nice idea
Friend: i'm dead set on the beauty of motherhood, despite how ugly it's always been in my mind
Me: well, i admire that considering your relationship with the woman who gave birth to you
Friend: right
Friend: it's not about being a mother
Friend: it's about making someone inside you
Friend: that's hot
Friend: and beautiful
Friend: and queer as hell
Friend: i'm not gonna yell that it's for everyone
Friend: i just think it doesn't necessarily have to do with heteronormative structures
Me: fair enough
Friend: mother doesn't have to mean wife is all i'm saying
Me: it's definitely cool
Me: true
Friend: i'm just saying, being in a maternal or het relationship doesn't have to make one less bi.
Me: ok, i agree

Friday, January 18, 2008

Picking Teams

Up until I heard the podcast in which Kelka had a heated debate over bisexuality (411: Literary License to Kill), I was unaware of the double standard that bisexuals in straight relationships would simply identify as straight, but bisexuals in gay relationships would identify as bisexual.

I was confused as to why that would be. The last time I was in a relationship with a male, I was very vocal about the fact that I play for both teams; he called me a "free agent." But I guess there is a "safety" in being bi: you can still be a part of the massive hetero world where your sexuality isn't judged. It reminds me of the idea of light-skinned black people passing off as white to avoid discrimination.

Remember when it seemed like everyone (gay, straight, bi, male, female) was obsessed with Angelina Jolie? She was like the acceptable straight girl crush for a while. I have no idea how popular she is now, but I certainly liked her for a while (now I think she's sort of fake, anorexic, and odd-looking, but that's another topic). Now she's with Brad, and I don't blame her for wanting to settle down with a man that beautiful (part of the reason why I watched Fight Club so many times was to stupidly stare at him).

But Angelina was somewhat of a bisexual icon who was very vocal and sincere about her diverse tastes, and this (slightly bitter) article talks about how she's done with the diversity now that she's with Brad. So was it all fun and games? Would she have ever considered settling down with a woman? I must admit I feel annoyed, but if you're committed to one person, then there's only so much you can do--literally (not really funny).

I think if you're bisexual, you have two sexualities: actual and current. Currently, Angelina is straight, and it looks like she'll stay that way assuming she stays monogamous. I guess you can't avoid pissing someone off, especially if you're a free agent. If Brad is meeting all her needs, then more power to her.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Return of the Shane

The Planet Podcast, Episdoe 501: "LGB Tease"

Kelka are discussing the moment when Paige catches Shane cheating:

KC: And this is when we see the shimmering light that is Shane back in session.
Elka: Yes, this is our Shane that we know and love and missed.
KC: [laughs] Yes, this is our Shane: open the door, there's a boob on her head, and she's like, "Hi!"
Elka: [laughs]
KC: I felt so proud. That was great. Some may call it a problem; some a call it a..what?
Elka: If there's a boob on your head, I don't see the problem.
....
Elka: I hope that happens in every episode, like some person is walking into a room and randomly Shane is there with a boob on her head.

I'm still re-enamored with Shane's hotness comeback. Sigh. Even Kelka's myspace page seems to be indicating the Shane/Kate- love.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

It's Funny Cus It's True

This isn't very nice. But. Just click and laugh. That's all you can do.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Episode 502: "Look Out, Here They Come!"

Two posts in one day! I'm a blog whore! I just saw 502. I have plenty of work to get to, but I'm so fucking high off of L Word and Kelka love right now. And I'm listening to the Gossip remix from last week's episode. I feel like such a groupie.

This episode was directed by Jamie Babbit. I like Jamie Babbit. I still really need to see Itty Bitty Titty Committee.

Opening Scene: Seeing Shane and Bette kissing was just weird. As were all those other hypothetical hookups. But it was sort of hot because it was so weird. Or maybe because all the actresses look amazing this season. It was amusing though.

Shane: Oh my. Shane is back! I was drooling over her. Her hair, her outfit, her demeanor. Daym. That was the Shane that drives the URL of my blog. I think the title of this episode is a reference to all the women Shane fucked. But I think they overdid her player status, and I'd like to see her somehow grow without losing her charisma. I think they foreshadowed to a return from Carmen when Shane told the bride she reminds her of someone.

Alice: I wished she could have been funnier this episode, but I like how they treated her like a real person who has problems and can't always turn everything into a punchline. I really want her and Tasha to work because Alice deserves to be happy.

Bette: Her hair is too short. She needs to stop kissing Jodi in public so much. I loved how she re-delivered the "Some lesbians you have to break up with more than once" line to Phyllis.

Tina: Her date sorta looked like Lara. She's acting all Bette-crazy the way she was in season 1, and she doesn't appear to be fully aware of it.

Helena: I laughed out loud when Helena was describing Dusty to Kit and making her crush evident. Did you ever think, when Helena first came onto the show, that she'd be in prison and fucking a burly woman named Dusty? That was hot.

Kit: I also laughed as Kit strut her way into prison.

Max: He doesn't pass as a man, but, whatever, Daniela Sea looks the part, so I'll forgive that. I'm really hoping to see Max and Tom get it on.

Jenny: I'm not going to dignify this "character" with any commentary.

Overall, the episode was entertaining. It didn't feel overly crowded the way episodes from last season felt. In terms of plot progression, it felt a bit slow, but I have a feeling it'll be worth the wait and that there will be some twists. I hope the whole season is good, but I'm predicting some inevitable inconsistencies.

Confessions Part II

  • Even though I bitch about breeders and don't intend on having children, kids can still make me gush.
  • I've searched youtube for clips of guys making out twice now. I'm a pervert!
  • Sometimes, when I can't fall asleep, I listen to Kelka, and it helps.
  • My crush on Leisha Hailey intensifies each year; when I saw season 1, I was too focused on Bette and Shane to notice her. But now I see that she's consistently the cutest.
  • I occasionally wish I could be happy just being straight.
  • I like my boyish voice.
  • I, uh, own one season of Xena on DVD. Sometimes I still watch it to feel like a kid again.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

"Not that there's anything wrong with that!"

I was watching Curb Your Enthusiasm a few weeks ago. It's like a more in-your-face version Seinfeld. The supporting cast isn't as funny, but Larry David manages to create hilariously offensive storylines. And I like how the actors improvise based on diagrams of the scenes; The L Word would probably be better if the actors could just stay true to their characters and talk instead of reading from Ilene's preachy writing.

Larry David really pays attention to detail; how else could he make millions off of creating two shows that over analyze social decorum? I think someone with his type of mind should create a gay version of Seinfeld/Curb Your Enthusiasm. I can think of a few "culprits" or predicaments that a gay Larry David-type would put under the microscope:
  • A character who is a combination of KC and Shane: she enjoys converting straight girls to dykehood, but she doesn't want to commit to them.
  • A character who claims to be straight but exhibits several gay stereotypes. Much like the person I discussed in this post.
  • A character who pretends to be queer for some sort of social benefit. This could be a stretch, but it reminds me of the Seinfeld where Jerry is upset at Tim Watley (?) for converting to Judaism for the jokes.
  • Women kissing and finding each other attractive is encouraged much more than it is with men. I'm not sure how to make this funny. Again, I'm no Larry David.
  • Do you ever confront someone who is very obviously gay (I'm talking Richard Simmons gay here) but still claims to be straight?
Perhaps more will come to me later.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Confessions of a Post-Adolescent Queer Girl

These are pretty random, but they're all queer:
  • I look at online FTM communities almost daily. I consider it eye candy. I'm not sure I'd date one, but who knows.
  • My ideal girl is a switch in terms of both gender identity and roles. And she'd encourage me to be the same way.
  • This isn't much of a surprise to anyone who reads my blog regularly, but I generally (there are exceptions) see boys as toys and girls as relationships. Sometimes I wonder if I'm a sincere bisexual or just bouncing around in an odd grey area.
  • I allow my indecisiveness to prevent me from acting at all.
  • I occasionally feel afraid of getting physical with someone of either gender and not being into them, even if I like them as a person.
  • I used to hate having hips because I felt like they forced me to look...child-rearing. Then I realized that they're just the right size for me in order to express both boy-ness and girl-ness.
  • This is one I actually feel embarrassed about: I sort of think Ilene Chaiken can be attractive. The second she opens her mouth, however, my attraction evaporates.
  • I never feel complete no matter how I choose to present myself: I wish I could physically express all facets of my gender identity simultaneously while still looking coherent. I'm not sure that's possible. Some Hindu deities give it a try, and it isn't exactly a unified look. Oh well. Who said feeling complete is part of existence anyways?

Nightmare!

Gahhh! I want a new Planet podcast! I saw Green's impatient message on Kelka's myspace page:

ok! we've waited our obligatory 48 hours! where the hell is the new podcast???? huh?? where is it??

where's the new season of the planet?!! c'mon, guys! you haven't split up, have you? omigod, you have. you guys! you have to get back together! don't break up! you're too perfect for each other!!! and who would do the podcast?!!! i hate all of Elka's friends, and KC doesn't have any! you guys have to stay together, for the sake of the podcast!!

xxx,
g

I could just hear Green saying that. I know she was just joking, but the thought of KC and Elka breaking up genuinely scares me. And it's not just because they'd stop podcasting. It'd be such a depressing let down for 20,000 listeners to find out that the most awesome and hilarious lesbian couple alive is no more.

I remember when, I first got sucked into The L Word, I felt really sad when Bette and Tina broke up; KC and Elka breaking up would be approximately a million times worse.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

I'm Looking Through You

It's fun to observe other people and look for clues that could indicate what team they play for. For example, there's a health foods store near me that I've been frequenting for the past few years. And there's a woman working there who is at least a few years older than me. I sensed she could be gay from the second I walked in. I can't say I'm attracted to her, but I still like to look for clues. Here's my supporting evidence:
  • Uh, she works in a health foods store. I've heard her express joy at finding foods that are healthier/vegetarian.
  • She's not masculine, but she's not super femmy or into make-up.
  • I saw her wearing flannel once (why the hell does this hideous article of clothing have to be a lesbian stereotype?)
BUT, today I took a look at her fingernails, and they are pretty long. Maybe she's a pillow queen. Or not looking to get any. Or straight.

Hmmm. The mystery continues...

Sunday, January 6, 2008

EDIT: "They're real, and they're SPECTACULAR!"

I finally gave in and started watching season 1 of Desperate Housewives. I'm about 1/3 of the way through. It's definitely engaging. Eva Longoria looks like Carmen, and everytime I see her, I think of Shane and Carmen and how hot they were.

You know you're getting more queer when you find yourself getting more and more turned off by conventional standards of beauty. Teri Hatcher, for example, is disgustingly thin. And I hate how Eva Longoria always dresses like a skank and wears gobs of make-up. I can't even tell if she needs make-up. She doesn't look like a real person; I can't even see her character as someone with emotions.

I'm not anti-make-up, but I don't get why some women wear so much of it. Even Shane could stand to ease up on the eyeliner. Whatever happened to leaving stuff to the imagination and natural beauty? Artificiality is not hot.

Saturday, January 5, 2008

Like a Ping Pong Ball

I was thinking about New Boy (whom I've gone on three dates with). I haven't heard from him in a week. [*snaps fingers*] Darn. I was definitely infatuated for a while, but now, I honestly feel neutral. My ability to emotionally detach from males so easily sort of creeps me out. I wasn't always this way.

If I could have it my way, we'd be friends, experience an increase in sexual tension, have sex a few times, be affectionate for a while, and then just go back to being friends. I wonder if that'd fly with him. The idea of being in a monogamous relationship with a guy sounds rather weird to me at the moment.

Maybe he hasn't gotten under my skin yet. I occasionally feel bits of straight girl competitiveness with my ex's girlfriend, even though she seems like a mostly cool and respectable person.

Who the fuck knows? It is what it is.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Episode 501: "LGB Tease"

I'm so lame. I criticize the deterioration of The L Word, but when I discovered episode 501 on youtube, I literally squealed with joy. I can't be objective the first time I see a new episode because I get so excited about there being a new episode, and I keep expecting it to be good like it used to be. Whatever. They're baaack! Here are my thoughts:
  • I.hate. Jenny. She's not a creative artist; she's a self-indulgent cunt with no control over her obese, gluttonous ego.
  • Bette looked damn fine, especially at the beginning.
  • Jodi did not. I do like how she challenges Bette, but, bleh, I want TiBette back!
  • I think it's interesting that Max decided to not get top surgery because he feels like he's enough of a male without it (if I was an FTM, I wouldn't get my boobs cut off because I'd HATE to lose sensitivity there). I wish they could have explored that further.
  • Alice is so fucking cute! Leisha Hailey is the cutest lesbian EVAR!
  • I didn't like how Alice was a bit mean to Max. That's not something Alice would say; Ilene just put that in there to insert some conflict between lesbians and FTM's.
  • It was funny to see TiBette getting competitive over how diverse they are with a gay couple since they all want to get their kids into private school.
  • Shane's odd hair is tolerable, but I don't think she's quite as hot or charismatic as she used to be. I liked her jacket with the diagonal zippers though. I want one of those. I hope her character doesn't revert back to just being a slut all the time though.
  • I'm glad Tina is back in with the group. Her facial expressions were funny, and I sort of felt bad for her. Then I remembered how she fucked Bacne Man in Bette's house.
  • Why did Tina randomly undo her bikini top? It was amusing to see Bette try not to get "boobie vision." I laughed out loud at the seductive music; it was a bit much.
  • I liked the Gossip remix playing when first they showed Helena in prison.
  • When Alice got a knock on the door and it ended up being Tasha, I thought it was going to be the ghost of Dana. But seeing Alice and Tasha kiss is good too.
  • If Paige was the one who set Shane's workplace on fire, then Paige is a crazy bitch that Shane shouldn't have lived with in the first place. Plus, I was getting tired of seeing how disproportionate they look. They really do look like mother and child, especially when Paige (all huge and voluptuous) bent down to kiss Shane (puny and adolescent-like) on the cheek.

Devoted

I was thinking about all of the things I don't really believe in: God, reincarnation, perfectionism, karma, etc. As I get older, the list of things I believe in gets shorter.

But I sure as hell believe in KC and Elka's ability to make me laugh this year. Although I guess it doesn't take a huge leap of faith to believe that.

I appear to have a lot of faith in them:
  • I quote them the way one might quote any religious book.
  • I have a tag/label on my blog that says "praise Kelka."
  • I've been listening to them almost everyday for the past 1.5 years.
  • I don't even know what they look like! I can only read or hear them.
  • I overlook some of contradictions in things they say out of unconditional love for them.
  • I get giddy and jump up and down when they post a new podcast.
  • I gushed when I read the holiday card I got from them last year (I guess I'm not THAT devoted since I forgot to send one in this year).
  • I look up to them for being so out.
Hmmm. I'm not sure if this makes me pathetic. At least I know they aren't omnipotent, omnipresent, invincible, and all those other ridiculous hyperboles that some attach to those they worship.

I guess I believe in the power of humor. If you can't laugh at the deterioration of what was an awesome TV show, then you might as well not watch it because you won't enjoy it. If you can't laugh at the sick joke that is existence, then you might as well not live it anymore because you won't enjoy it either.

[Insert star rainbow here]*The More You Know*

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

You Probably Don't Want to Know This

So a few months ago, I had found THE cure for PMS (which I'm hesitant to share at this point). I'm not joking though. It totally worked: I had no food cravings, emotional volatility, or rampant hormones. It was great to not feel like my frontal lobe had been disabled. But I currently can't use it because it'd aggravate another health issue I'm waiting out on.

As a result, I have been feeling very all over the place in the past week. I forgot what it feels like. It's pissing me off (surprise, surprise).

Typically, when the hormones get all crazy, they say something along the lines of, "OMG DICK IS THE GREATEST THING EVER." I'm sorry if this grosses out any lesbians, but it's true. And my general opinion of the wang doesn't even support this vehement sentiment: I think wangs are fun, but they have their limitations. (And I've been considering generalizing this opinion to most men). But I can't control what the hormones scream.

Lately, however, the hormone rages are becoming more balanced between focusing on males and females. Yay! I'm a slightly more genuine and balanced bisexual!

But yesterday, in an estrogen dominant fit of irritation, I admitted that I have a crush on a guy to myself. I sort of have for a few years now, and I sense a possibility with him. He's totally not right for me in a serious way, but I'm blinded by his wit, charm, looks, and slight badboy-ness (are you really blind if you're aware of your blindness?).

WHAT THE FUCK? Bad boy? I'm a heterosexual cliche now!

Bisexuality IS gross.

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

The Superficial

  • I have to admit that I'm getting excited about season 5 of The L Word. I haven't exactly be waiting in eager anticipation, but it's hard to not still care about Alice, Shane, and Bette. (Although I don't have Showtime, and I have a feeling that youtube won't be able to provide the way it did for me with season 4). But, I'm happy about new Kelka podcasts and Riese episode recaps. It's gonna be GREAT! Teehee.
  • Dirt should be coming soon too. I didn't exactly follow the storylines from last season; I basically just gawked at Carly Pope as she played a super hot domme lesbian. Yum. I just realized that I've had a huge crush on her for seven years now. I don't know what to make of this.
  • I did a Google image search of the phrase "Jesus fucked my unicorn in the neckhole," and I got these results. I like the pole of people, and the fact that Google asks if I meant, "Just kicked my unicorn in the neck hole"?
  • I'm a bit surprised I've kept this blog for so long. I'm glad I have; it's been fun to post to it somewhat regularly. I'm looking forward to a new year of gay entertainment. Happy New Year!