Angry

I hate living in my body. I have spent a good portion of my life working my ass off to earn priviliges that almost everyone around me takes for granted. It feels like I'm always teetering between -1 and 0. Blah, forget about all of the gender dissociation bullshit. To me, all that stuff seems whiny and self-absorbed now.

Right now, I feel like the next person who complains to me about some superficial dissatisfaction with the skin they're in (looks, weight, cup size, muscle mass) is going to be verbally assualted.

Ironically, I have a healthy appreciation of my own aesthetics. If only being thin, curvy, and proportional solved all of your problems like all of those ads directly and indirectly say. I used to think my body didn't reflect who I am, but now I think the opposite.

But it's like living in a house built by Frank Lloyd Wright: it looks good, but it's a bitch to maintain and starts to fall apart sooner.

This week has ranged from awful crazy to awesome crazy. I'm so in love. I'm so trapped. I'm racking my brain trying to figure out solutions. I realized how awesome it is to know amazing people that I value and can call up for support, advice, laughs, hugs, etc. I need to appreciate what I have.

I am not my limitations though. I need to remember that. I am how I deal with them/what I learn from them. It's what you think and do that ultimately matters.