Ouch

I think I might have had my first experience with open bigotry this evening. I'm not entirely sure though because I don't know what criteria was being held against me.

I got off work and went to a health foods store that I regularly shop at. I was perusing the aisle when this middle-aged woman gave me a look of irritation and them mumbled something like, "I don't even know why you're here other than to annoy me." Then she rushed away to a different aisle as if my presence was irritating her. I was dumbfounded and decided to shrug it off.

But then we coincidentally ended up in the same aisle again and she said the same thing, except she said it louder and looked me directly in the eye when she said it. I replied with confused, half-chuckling, "Whaaat?" And she mocked me like a child by repeating what I said in a condescending tone. My heart thumped. I was officially pissed.

After I bought my stuff, I went up to her and very calmly asked her what her problem was. She told me to go away and that she didn't want to talk to me. I told her I didn't do anything to her, and she replied, "That's right, you didn't do anything." I told her she needed help, gave her the finger, and said "Fuck you" in a monotone voice as I exited the store. It probably wasn't worth the effort to confront a bitch like that, but I managed to express myself without making a scene.

For a minute I considered what I could have done to offend her. But nothing came to mind. I don't think there's anything inherently offensive about my appearance. I suppose I could be considered odd-looking because my ethnicity isn't always obvious to most people. But I think I'm a relatively normal-looking person.

Did she think I'm some punk kid with no job? I could pass for a 16 year old. Is she a racist? Could she somehow tell I'm queer? Who fucking knows. All of these thoughts ran through my head. I know they shouldn't have. I know she clearly was taking out her own issues onto me. But I still felt hurt. And I wish I could have at least known what her problem with me was, even if it probably was ignorant, irrational, or not even related to me. For all I know the cunt could be psychologically unstable.

I guess I'm writing this here because if this minor incident hurt, I don't know how I'd deal with discrimination that's even more blatant, offensive, or bigoted.