Only Passing By?

This song is coming to mind.

It's really not difficult for a bisexual female to find a guy who is more than happy to encourage her to go fuck a girl or few.

I've been feeling like a happily monogamous straight girl for the past two months. And I got permission (which I didn't ask for) to chase girls. I get to do whatever I want with a chick and come back to him to give a [very detailed] report.

Furthermore, he thinks it'd be even better if I found someone that I like both physically and emotionally. And, as one might expect, boy is hoping to get a threesome out of it eventually. A threesome in which all parties really like one another.

It's a complex goal to achieve, and there would have to be a lot of communication and negotiation for it run smoothly and be enjoyable for everyone.

But I ended up learning more that I expected to from this formulaic conversation. I haven't had the most pleasant of experiences with girls. He's noticed how I have an almost misogynistic view of them. And in a way, I've given up exploring that side of myself.

So while he admits he wants the stereotypical male fantasy that men are programmed to want (the shyness he exuded while confessing it was too adorable), he also wants to see me have some pleasant experiences with girls. He reminded me that this possibility exists. Somewhere along the line, I stopped even thinking about it.

Maybe it's because I've always found it easier to be a monosexual, and it's obviously easier to be a straight monosexual than a gay one. And, for whatever reasons, I have a thicker skin when it comes to stereotypical male meanness.

It then dawned on me that I've gotten used to believing that I don't deserve what I want. It's not a low self-esteem thing. It's a "this is simply not my lot in life" thing. I've had one too many humbling experiences this past year that have shown me how I'm really just a small, destructible girl with a big head.

And to have a loved one pick up on some of that and point it out to you is kind of like being invited back into playing the game that is life.

I got boyfriend to listen to a few Dan Savage podcasts, and Dan said something that resonated with him: your partner should be making shit happen for you. I guess I've only been with a few people who really had an interest in doing justice to this idea. And now that someone like that is right in front of me, it feels foreign.

I want so badly to be as GGG as I possibly can. I have no idea what will happen or if this fantasy will be realized. We're not looking to jump into anything at this point. I do know that I'm happy with who I am with, and I need to stop shortchanging myself.

At this point, however, I'm almost afraid of kissing anybody else because I know that it won't be as amazing as kissing my boy is.