"Your fat head has lovehandles."

• I caught an episode of Tila Tequila 2. I'm annoyed that I don't really find anyone attractive on the show. Tila's need to advertise her tits is a turn off. I was amused to know that one contestants is a softball coach.

• Speaking of stereotypes, the closeted classmate that I mentioned in this post put a butterfly at the end of a PowerPoint presentation he did. And he giggled as he declared how he likes butterflies. I tried to keep a straight face--lame pun intended.
  

• I have a word of advice for any bi or straight girls who might see this: if you're ever in the position of having to choose between two guys, (for fuck's sake) pick the one who eats pussy better. I'm a dumbass who fell for the cuter boy who could sell himself better and shared my cynicism.

• Testosterone simplifies dating. While feeling straight is easier, putting up with typical penis-related bullshit is less enjoyable than putting up with girl drama.
  

Pulling Back

• Right now, my role models for healthy, long-term relationships are both gay: KC and Elka and Keith and David from Six Feet Under.

• I suddenly want to re-watch The L Word seasons 1-3. I want to be enamored with Shane and hopeful for TiBette and aww at Alice and shake my fist when they kill off Dana.

• I'm pissed off that I can't blog here like I used to.

• I feel like a man hater right now; it's been a long time since I've felt this way. But I'm not going to deal with that feeling by pretending I'm a lesbian or by stereotyping men.

[Heading]

• Yaaay! Gay marriage is legal in California! That's yet another reason to move there. I may or may not have squealed when my friend told me that Ellen and Portia are getting married. Awww!
  
• After seven weeks of seeing a dude, I finally had to put up with shit that I would never have to put up with if I was seeing a girl. I'm not sure if it's fair to compare, but it's the truth.
• Sadly, I'm not impervious to males. A part of me wishes I was impervious to at least one gender; it's more simple that way. Meh, whatever.
• I feel like my sexual orientation is fluid and adapts to the reality of its options. If there were more gay people, then I'd be more of a practicing homo than hetero.
  

Note to Self

In the near future, I hope to comment on the following two quotes:

"I mean men bore me. If one of them behaves like anadult it's cause for celebration, and even when they do act human, they still aren't as good as women in bed."-Molly Bolt (I saw this quote on Green's forum profile)

"Bisexuality is more natural as transgenderism."-Alice Pieszecki

Been a While

Zomg! We now know what Kelka look like! And I had just called them to tell them that I can't make it to Albuquerque pride, but that I hoped pictures would at least be posted. They pretty much look how they described themselves and how I imagined. Having a face to match the voice is a bit odd though; they've been solely oral entities for years now.

Aw, I'm bummed that I can't go. I was going to go scantily clad in hopes of a Kelkian hookup. Sometimes your boobs just need the opportunity to speak for themselves.

"The number two reason why I'm gay rhymes with moobs."-Elka

"It's just some boobies flappin' in the wind"-KC providing a lovely image

"Welcome to the Planet, the podcast for L Word ferns."-Elka being cute as she screws up

"Of course I've seen a whale. I've gone whale watching. I'm a lesbian; that is what we do."-Elka

"How would you like a dolphin burger?"-KC, being her offensive self

"Free" Agent

I feel slightly repulsed with my own heterosexuality today. Like this voice in my head was like, You've been doing WHAT with him for the past six weeks?? Gross! I guess there is such a thing as internalized heterophobia.

When one gender or team irks me, I retreat to the other team. It's a defense mechanism. I guess it can be one good thing about being a free agent, but it's a way to avoid dealing with the issue.

Although I do like the effect monogamy has on me: it calms down the unpredictable fluctuations I feel.

Hopefully I'll never have to say something like, Umm, yeahh, can we skip the sex and just play Monopoly? Your genitalia is disgusting me today.

When L Word Nomenclature Goes Wrong

Dusty
Angus
Winnie Mann
Papi
Phyllis
Ivan Aycock
Max Sweeney

Phyllis+ Alice=Phallis
Papi+Kit=PapKit
Paige+Shane=Pane
Lara+Dana=Lard

Bits

• I was re-re-watching But I'm a Cheerleader, and I'll say it again: Clea DuVall is soo yummy in that movie.

• I was reminiscing about the female crushes I had in high school and college, and I now think most of them are gross.

• To piggyback off the previous bullet point, I think gay girls generally have better (meaning more interesting and intelligent) taste in girls than straight dudes.

• This is interesting.

• I recently learned that wifebeaters sorta look good on me. Ha...