Isn't love just love?

I was listening to SloGreenX's fifth podcast, and Green was talking about how she doesn't get the desire to kiss males. She said that it always felt scripted and unnatural for her. She wondered if straight girls were genuinely attracted to men, or if they just went for men because they were supposed to.

It's a good question, and I've asked myself that regarding some of my relations with guys. Has my interest in them been genuine, or has it been reinforced by years upon years of subliminal heterosexual programming? Or has it been reinforced after years of repressing my gay side? Nature or nurture? The chicken or the egg? Ad fucking nauseum.

As a bisexual, I see both sides. I kind of don't want to be able to. I wish I could be so gay that I couldn't tell the difference between Ewan McGregor and Jude Law. I wish I could write posts about how men are inferior to women (no offense intended towards KC or SloGreenX whatsoever). Why? Because it's easier to be one-sided (of course, if one were to be one-sided, it'd be the easiest to be on the het side). I think it's easier to play for just one team because understanding both sides of any situation merits more mental/perceptual responsibility.

It can be overwhelming to have such diverse tastes. And to be able to fall for a friend regardless of their sex. I remember one of my best friends in high school was (and still is, ha) bi. And one day, out of nowhere, she said, "I'm really glad you and I haven't had sex. It's nice to be able to rely on you for that." It felt like both a compliment and an insult at the time, but now I know that it was the former.

I know I'm generalizing and making it sounds like I like EVERYONE by virtue of my bisexuality. That is not the case. But being bi does lend itself to more romantic options. And it can be confusing at first, especially with all the stigma that both gay and straight people throw at bi people.

I've realized that I am somewhat of a "people not the parts" person. I've loved/had strong feelings for three different people. "Different" is the key word in this sentence. It's actually a bit freakish when I objectively think of how diverse they are: the first was a man old enough to be my father, the second was a girl from college, and the third was a relatively normal guy a few years older than me. Regardless, when the intellectual and emotional connection was established, then I cared about enjoying the parts.

But from these relationships I've learned that women are way more emotionally fulfilling to be with than men. I feel like men are good for fuck and cuddle sessions. And short, intense relationships. Women, on the other hand, are for relationships that are more stable and lasting.

Blah. I don't feel like elaborating on this issue anymore today.