Queer. As. FUCK

Disclaimer: The following conversation is between two sexually fluid female friends who have known each other for a long time. It is sexually explicit, and it openly discusses very kinky sex acts that some might find unsettling. It is, however, very interesting and very queer. And it cracked my shit up.

Me: what kind of kinky sex did you have?
Friend: pegging :D
Me: k i'm gonna hafta google that
Friend: uh
Friend: where i do him w a strap-on
Me: OMG WOW
Friend: :D :D :D
Friend: it is fun
Me: DAYM
Friend: he asked for it!
Me: HAHAHAHA
Friend: also he luuuuuvs it
Friend: <-- so lucky Me: you two are really good for each other
Friend: i think so
Me: so who owns the strap-on?
Friend: we kind of both do
Me: LOL
Friend: the harness and the double dildo were expensive
Me: "the strap-on is in our name"
Friend: so we split it right down the middle
Friend: exactly
Friend: if we were to break up, i don't know
Friend: i'd probably get rid of 'em
Friend: strap-on custody battle
Me: HAHAHAHA
Friend: we also got this vibrating...thing
Friend: which he likes a lot
Friend: he insists he thinks he can come just from having something stimulate his prostate enough, which i believe, but it's also like...
Friend: HURRY UP ALREADY
Friend: i'm not what you'd call a patient lover i guess
Me: LOL
Me: so did he come?
Friend: well i've jerked him off the times we've done it
Friend: he totally turns into this whimpering little boy, eyes all rolling up in his head
Friend: making crazy noises
Me: christ, i'm so happy for your sex life
Friend: lol, thank you. me too
Me: and he dresses like a total DORK
Friend: lol
Me: hahahahah
Friend: he actually wore a shirt with a collar last night
Friend: when he takes a minute and puts on something suitable for his age range
Friend: damn, it's a treat
Me: so were you facing him?
Friend: yeah, i had done it doggy-style before but with the shape of the head of the dildo he says missionary is better for his prostate
Friend: also it is hot
Me: lol, wow
Friend: also i can jerk him off like that
Friend: i highly recommend it
Friend: i've never even done that w a girl!
Me: HAHAHA
Friend: (and now i sort of want to)
Friend: (shhh don't tell :P)
Me: hahahahahaha
Me: oh please, i already knew that
Friend: i know, i was kidding
Friend: what are you up to tomorrow?
Me: blah, reading
Friend: yeah, if you want to come over and study (or i could come there) i'd be down
Friend: i have so much shit to do
Friend: you're good for keeping me motivated
Friend: when i get all overwhelmed and self-pitying you're all like "oh shut the fuck up"
Me: i am? i try to be nice
Friend: yeah but your demeanor is very "oh shut the fuck up."
Me: i don't know how to hide the "oh stfu" demeanor
Me: i've started wondering what it'd be like to date maybe a bi gi whose a bit femmy
Me: and we could just be QUEER as fuck together
Me: ugh, my spelling. wtf. bi guy
Friend: bi gi is cute :-).. it looks korean
Me: haha
Friend: you should look for one! they're fun
Friend: but they tend to be really self-absorbed and vain too
Me: if they're pretty, i can tolerate the vanity
Me: i'd probably encourage it
Me: i'm planning to taste a bit of everything this year
Friend: ha, good girl
Me: you should do a threesome w/ another guy
Friend: i don't know if i could deal with that
Friend: the first time i fucked his butt i got slightly worried, like, "does this mean you're maybe sort of gay"
Me: LOL
Friend: but i know he digs my vag. and it's nice, bc it gives me a vag vacation
Me: hahahaha
Me: um, hello, you're a little gay
Me: your bf is just queer. i was thinking that when you said he likes my voice
Friend: i know, i know it is not fair to be worried about him being gay except that i am possessive like that
Friend: he has to only like ME.
Friend: shrug
Friend: yeah he is totally queer, very much outside of traditional dichotomies
Friend: he says "it's so weird that you're the girl and i'm the boy" and i'm like hm ok yeah
Friend: but it's sort of true, compared to him i'm very practical and unimaginative and earthy
Me: hahaha
Friend: ...and i often tell him to get me a beer
Friend: oh man
Me: LOL
Friend: i should start calling him marge
Me: hahaha
Me: hah, i was talking about the idea of just being into one person with someone else
Me: i've been that way. one person-sexual
Me: ahhh, pretty queer boys
Me: it's on my to do list

I heart my friends.