During high school and college, I always confused attraction with admiration/jealousy. I couldn't tell if I liked a girl because I wanted her or if I wanted to be more like her. It was confusing, and sometimes I'll still get mixed up. But now I pretty much just classify crushes as sexual or non-sexual.
The following is from a very amusing and Seinfeld-like series of conversations about my friend "Amanda" having a non-sexual "crush" on a classmate named "Nancy." Nancy is beautiful and popular, of course. Amanda is completely straight, but she still gets excited at receiving approval from Nancy and feels jealous and competitive when Nancy gives her "affections" to other girls (bear in mind, these people are in graduate school).
MouseGirl: quick love life update
ShaneMo: yes?
MouseGirl: orgasmic moment: yesterday, i looked hideous
MouseGirl: BUT i ran into my female crush, and ....
MouseGirl: SHE ASKED ME OUT!!!!
ShaneMo: HAHAHAHAHA
ShaneMo: i thought this was going to be about YOUR BOYFRIEND
MouseGirl: oh lol
ShaneMo: you said LOVE LIFE
MouseGirl: err.
ShaneMo: i love you
MouseGirl: :-)
ShaneMo: you're making it sound like a DATE
MouseGirl: lol well....
ShaneMo: this is like george and the mimbo!!
MouseGirl: i knowwwwwwww
ShaneMo: hahahaha
MouseGirl: her boyfriend will be there
ShaneMo: uh oh, don't get jealous
MouseGirl: naw its a guy
MouseGirl: i would be jealous if she asked another woman out
ShaneMo: LOL competition!
MouseGirl: AND she asked me to be secretary of her club
ShaneMo: yr going to be her right hand!
MouseGirl: i spent 25 minutes trying to formulate a reply email
ShaneMo: awww
MouseGirl: that didn't sound too needy or eager, but appropriately (and
heterosexually) enthusiastic
ShaneMo: hahaha
MouseGirl: she was like "we wanted you to be secretary because you're so cute and positive and upbeat!"
MouseGirl: "you're always smiling when i see you!"
ShaneMo: your ego must have been through the roof
MouseGirl: (duh...im smiling because i see her!)
ShaneMo: yeah, yr smiling b/c yr infatuated w/ her
MouseGirl: lol tru, thats why the moment was orgasmic
But alas...trouble in paradise is inevitable:
MouseGirl: someone irritating is attempting to usurp nancy's affections
ShaneMo: HAHAH
MouseGirl: i need to squelch her
ShaneMo: so what's your competition's name?
MouseGirl: kate
ShaneMo: do tell more
MouseGirl: i hate her!
ShaneMo: hahah
MouseGirl: she wasnt even going to be ON our club's board but nancy had to ask her b/c kate's dad is the faculty sponser
ShaneMo: ohhh! politics
MouseGirl: i talked to her friday and she was like "whats that girls name?"
MouseGirl: and i was like "HER NAME IS NANCY."
ShaneMo: LOL...protective are we?
MouseGirl: and NOW the bitch is like best friends with nancy
ShaneMo: nancy doesn't seem like she has high standards for friendship
ShaneMo: she seems like a generally nice people person
ShaneMo: ohhh now SHE'S the right hand
MouseGirl: yes she is very friendly
MouseGirlnot yet, the bitch is going down
ShaneMo: hahaha
ShaneMo: i love you
MouseGirl: i dont care how much money her daddy gave
ShaneMo: i'm sorry babe
ShaneMo: you'll kick her ass
MouseGirl: AND
MouseGirl: kate she thinks she looks like me!
ShaneMo: HAHAHAH
MouseGirl: shes been telling people that!
ShaneMo that's so seinfeldian!!
MouseGirl: i KNOW
MouseGirl: but her nose is bigger than mine
ShaneMo: hahaha
ShaneMo: you've got bigger boobs tho i'm sure
MouseGirl: oh ive kicked her ass in that dept
ShaneMo: lol, well, anyone who has bigger boobs than you would probably look like a freak
MouseGirl: lol tru
MouseGirl: BUT
MouseGirl: i know i have a small head
ShaneMo: LOL
MouseGirl: but she has a pin head
MouseGirl: and a big body
MouseGirl: and freakishly large hands
ShaneMo: i haven't noticed...your small head
MouseGirl: KATE POINTED IT OUT
MouseGirl: she was like "you have a small head"
ShaneMo: dude you're killing me here...it hurts to laugh, my throat is going to explode
MouseGirl: "i thought my head was small until i saw yours"
MouseGirl: LOL
ShaneMo: i really haven't noticed your "small head"
MouseGirl: good
ShaneMo: furthermore, i doubt nancy critiques and compares you two on the basis of head size
ShaneMo: you're projecting your own insecurities...about your small head..onto her
MouseGirl: perhaps
MouseGirl: i do have a small head, but i think hers is smaller!
ShaneMo: LOL AMANDA
ShaneMo: you're so missing the point!
MouseGirl: lol i think i might have a new nemesis
ShaneMo: admit it, you just want to use the word "nemesis"
MouseGirl: lol maybe, but its true
ShaneMo: don't worry, you will kick her ass
ShaneMo: you're so hot
MouseGirl: well i do have better style
MouseGirl: seeing as how kate wears the same blue scrubs every single dasy
ShaneMo: you kick kate's ass in living vicariously off of nancy!
MouseGirl: basically i kick her ass in every area that counts!
MouseGirl: head size, style
MouseGirl: living vicariously
ShaneMo: LOL
ShaneMo: any other areas that count?
MouseGirl: boobs?
ShaneMo: like, oh, i dunno...personality?
I find these intense non-sexual crushes to be interesting. The conversation is very much like the episode of Seinfeld in which George has a crush on the Mimbo. He always talks about how the Mimbo is "such a cool guy," and Jerry says something like, "What is this, the eighth grade?" My friend has always gotten these crushes in which she basically just wants approval from some girl she admires. It boils down to a straightforward self-esteem issue.
Isn't there always that component to a relationship though? To try to get something that you don't have? This could apply to personality traits, looks, and even anatomy. Maybe I'm just being cynical.
Hmmmm. I'm sure I'll have more thoughts on the subject later.
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