Could somebody please explain to me why my gayness percentage is inversely proportionate to the cuteness of the guys I get involved with? In other words, the gayer I feel, the cuter the boys get. And I'm consequently sucked back into hetereoville once again. It's like my sexual orientation will always be the inverse of the reality I can obtain; existence is one big, sick joke.
I haven't emotionally liked a guy since my ex (we broke up about a year ago). I've pretty much just thought of males as "Things With Dicks" since then. (I'm a bitch, and I'm not always a Good Person).
I'm pretty sure this new guy likes me as much as I like him. But I'm not 100% sure. For all I know, he could flake off. The insecure adolescent in me worries that he will (although he'd be an idiot to do so since we have quite a bit in common).
My inner lesbian, however, would be relieved because I can see myself trying to find non-cheating gay escapes if we got serious (e.g. compulsively gawking at pictures of hot boyish and girlish girls in online gay girl communities, re-watching The L Word, listening to KC and Elka 24/7, bitching on this blog more often, etc).
And the more univeral part of me just wants to connect to a new human being, regardless of their gender or if it's even romantic. He has so many qualities that I like and respect.
BUT I WANT A GIRLFRIEND. I know that relationships are relationships, and the gender of your partner doesn't necessarily change much. But why do I feel this way? Am I more gay than straight? It's possible. Do I just want what feels harder to get? Maybe. Am I trying to be different or rebellious? I'm not sure.
Furthermore, I've always wondered if part of why I'm more emotionally drawn to girls has anything to do with the fact that the woman who gave birth to me rarely thinks I meet her Subjective Bullshit Standards of Acceptability. Am I just trying to get the acceptance that I don't get from her? That doesn't sound healthy, and it makes me think that I'd be stupid and superficial for blowing off someone just because they are male.
Once again, I'm thinking too much. I shall try to be lighter and more amusing in my next post.
I haven't emotionally liked a guy since my ex (we broke up about a year ago). I've pretty much just thought of males as "Things With Dicks" since then. (I'm a bitch, and I'm not always a Good Person).
I'm pretty sure this new guy likes me as much as I like him. But I'm not 100% sure. For all I know, he could flake off. The insecure adolescent in me worries that he will (although he'd be an idiot to do so since we have quite a bit in common).
My inner lesbian, however, would be relieved because I can see myself trying to find non-cheating gay escapes if we got serious (e.g. compulsively gawking at pictures of hot boyish and girlish girls in online gay girl communities, re-watching The L Word, listening to KC and Elka 24/7, bitching on this blog more often, etc).
And the more univeral part of me just wants to connect to a new human being, regardless of their gender or if it's even romantic. He has so many qualities that I like and respect.
BUT I WANT A GIRLFRIEND. I know that relationships are relationships, and the gender of your partner doesn't necessarily change much. But why do I feel this way? Am I more gay than straight? It's possible. Do I just want what feels harder to get? Maybe. Am I trying to be different or rebellious? I'm not sure.
Furthermore, I've always wondered if part of why I'm more emotionally drawn to girls has anything to do with the fact that the woman who gave birth to me rarely thinks I meet her Subjective Bullshit Standards of Acceptability. Am I just trying to get the acceptance that I don't get from her? That doesn't sound healthy, and it makes me think that I'd be stupid and superficial for blowing off someone just because they are male.
Once again, I'm thinking too much. I shall try to be lighter and more amusing in my next post.
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