In the past I have written about how I tend to not feel emotionally into boys as much as girls. I've definitely had strong feelings for boys, but I just think two girls can connect better. Boy am I in trouble: I think I might like the boy I'm seeing more than any of the others.
I could play the comparing game and say that I'd feel more strongly about a girl than a guy, but that's not fair. People are what they are, and they don't deserve to be constantly measured against a different standard.
I could be annoying and write a long, giddy list of reasons why I think he's great, but I won't. We've been seeing each other 2-3 times a week, and things are mostly comfortable and enjoyable. We just click...and not just mentally. But emotionally and physically as well.
In the past I've had intense mental connections that could only pick up the slack for the other departments for so long. Even my ex and I worked well on paper: we respected each others' brains, we found each other attractive, and we were willing to put up with the other's shit. But we still didn't click.
I was talking to my friend last night, and she put it best: "If you're bi, you never know who you could fall for." I certainly wasn't expecting to fall for a dude. But I'm not one to disregard a connection based on a person's gender.
BUT, I may have to deliver some bad news to him in the near future. It has potential to be a dealbreaker. I'm scared of hurting, disappointing, and losing him. He's partly aware of the situation already, and he's focusing on making the best of it. But I'm thinking worst case scenario here.
And, for the first time in a long time, I don't feel my usual underlying indifference to losing a guy. I'm so fucked.
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