Observations

• I have to say that sometimes it feels really gratifying to just wear boyish clothes and give a big "Fuck you!" to the standards of femininity. But I'm not trying to say "Fuck you!" to anyone, really. I'm just trying to do what I feel like doing and not worry about what other people think. I want to be my three-dimensional self.
  

• It's interesting to notice how people in public react to me when I dress like a 15 year-old boy. I usually get looks of judgement. At least that's how I interpret it. I guess that's to be expected.

• I've been feeling very BI-sexual lately. Usually I feel just gay or straight. But now, I feel more open to whatever life has in store for me. Although I must say that if I involve myself with a guy next, he needs to be different from the guys I've been with in the past. I tend to basically fall for the same type of guy (white, goatee, overly intellectual, cynical, darkly funny) and have the same type of problems (we don't have enough fun together in spite of our mental connection).

• I think I'm pretty much built for monogamy. When I'm into someone, I don't notice anyone else; however, when I'm not into anyone, then I have the attitude of someone who wants to check off different sorts of experiences from this list that I keep in my head. I guess in that respect I do fulfill the "dirty, indecisive bisexual" stereotype.

• In college, some of my roommates used to make fun of me for making these unexpected "gay man gestures." It sorta became a joke. But sometimes, I'll be talking to someone, and then I'll notice my hand doing this weird thing, and in my head I'm like, "WTF?"

• Sometimes I wonder how obviously gay I am. Even if I'm presenting myself in a feminine way, I feel like my voice and mannerisms give me away. But then, if someone asks me if I have a boyfriend, my internal monologue will be like, "Guh?" I'm overthinking it.