Uhhh...

Disclaimer #1: I'm well aware that I use a lot of stereotypes to assess the orientation of a person in this post. I don't think my assessment is incorrect, but I acknowledge that I could be incorrect.

So I'm hanging out with my friend, and I happened to browse her facebook profile. I was looking at her friends and spotted a cute gay-looking girl. We got to talking about this cute gay-looking girl (whom I'll refer to as Esther).

I had a "WTF?" moment when my friend told me that Esther identified as straight.

Um, okay, sure, she could be straight. But let's examine the criteria here:

1. she's androgynous
   
2. she sports the cool-looking boy cut
3. she dresses boyish
4. she has a deep voice
5. she's a vegan
6. she's a feminist
7. she's a hippy in the "I ride my bike everywhere" sense
8. she has some interest in Indian culture (another hippy'ish trait)
   
9. her boyfriend could be described as being "flagrant"
10. etc.
    

Esther has to at least be bi. The funny part is that she openly supports LGBT interests and is interested in her school's Gay Straight Alliance (and she makes sure to make her 'heterosexuality' clear there). I'm partly convinced that this can be part of one of the stages of denial. Like, "Look at me, I'm so 'comfortable' with being 'straight' that I can hang out gay with people and advocate their equality." The truth is they're just inching their way to gayville.

Disclaimer #2: I know everyone has their own timeline in accepting themselves. I completely understand this. Hell, it took me forever to, and I sometimes feel like a dumbass in hindsight. But the question, "Who do you think you're kidding?" keeps popping into my head here.

I don't know why this amuses me so much. Anytime I see a clearly closeted gay person or a clearly closeted gay couple (a gay guy and girl pretending to be a couple), I crack up. Perhaps it masks my underlying frustration with the idea of being closeted in general. It's pretty awful to be in a phase in which you keep trying to lie to yourself.

Or I'm just a cunt.