Content vs. Presentation

I don't identify with my nationality (which I do not wish to disclose). I never really have, partly due to where I was raised. And certain events and circumstances from formative years (which I'm not going to rehash) led me to rebel against identifying with my nationality when I was younger.

And I've recently realized that I haven't shaken this rebelliousness. I've always just felt like a tan white person. And many cannot discern my ethnicity anyways, so I'm content to be filed under "Miscellaneous" in people's heads.

The friends who share my country of origin occasionally tease and scold me when I mispronounce a word or when I talk about naming my hypothetical children by American names. What is wrong with you? Why must you speak like a pasty person? And they try to get me to bring out my "inner [nationality]." Culture is nurture, not nature.

They are totally joking, but the acute judgement is a bit superficial to me. I'm not ashamed of my ethnicity (although there are several cultural norms I disagree with); I simply don't feel a strong bond to it aside from some artistic forms of expression and philosophical ideas. I don't see it as the place of my roots.

As far as I'm concerned, it's just formed by lines on a map and yet another subjective culture that isn't necessarily better or worse than any other since all cultures have their pros and cons.

I think it's kind of silly to attach morality towards "being in touch with one's roots" when one was never raised near those roots. Learning about different cultures is interesting, but I'm just fine with the one I grew up with.

But it kind of concerns me when I have the urge to write off someone just because of their race. And I really only de-clothe with white folk. I wouldn't want someone to do that to me. Furthermore, my nemesis is racist against my race. And that's not why she's my nemesis (she's my nemesis because she's a tumor-like cuntface).

Luckily I'm aware of it and forcing myself to not write people off.

Note: I'm sure I've confused race and ethnicity in this post. Oops. I'm aware of the distinction, but I'm just lazy with consistency.