It's like my body and heart forgot that I like girls. Mentally, I know that I like them, but I've been all boys, boys, boys for like a year now. I can't imagine being gay. And last year, I couldn't imagine being straight.
To make it worse, a part of me doesn't want to feel gay again for an extended period of time.
I'm feeling a bit guilty about this. Should I? Maybe if I called Dan Savage they would put this question up on the podcast. Maybe now is a good time to ask him since he's rightfully quite upset about Prop 8; he'd chew me out, and it would make for good entertainment.
I was chatting about it with a bi friend, and we agreed that girls are generally more work, and guys are meaner. But women are socialized to be prepared for this meanness, so that makes it a bit easier. (I know I'm stereotyping, and I'm really just speaking for myself).
And I've been hanging out with dudes more lately. Not for dates, free food, or flattery (I've finally gotten my polite, non-awkward and non-militant feminazi "No, Thank You" down every time one of them offers to pay for my meal). I'm just getting to know different people and test what works for me mentally and emotionally.
And my army of girlfriends is solid, so perhaps I'm just trying to even things out. Or maybe I'm trying to test what works for me for seeking a longer term partner?
How annoying. Yet another bisexual who ends up with a dude.
Maybe I need to tell the protesting, poster-holding HRC representative in me to shut the fuck up.
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2 comments:
"How annoying. Yet another bisexual who ends up with a dude."
I have had it up to here with your (self) hating. Are we expected to be with at least one person of each traditional gender all the time?
You get to end up with whomever you want - you're just giving yourself shit about it.
You are right. Thank you for the bluntness.
XOXO
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