Random

• It's really annoying to have a class with a cute girl who has a "try too-hard-to-be-cute" and "I'm-going-to-advertise-my-insecurities" type of personality. I hate it when attractive people ruin their looks the second they open their mouths.

• I get compliments on my voice. From queer people. My voice is queer-dar. It's not super deep, but it's not high either. I feel like the way I talk is one of the biggest indicators that I'm gay. Is it bad that I know how to manipulate it for different audiences?

• I've been listening to a lot of The Blow lately. Their music has been growing on me. I'm guessing the singer is bi since she sings love songs about both males and females. I have a crush on her style of singing and songwriting. She's all laidback, poetic, and sexy.
  

• I had to laugh when Kelka talked about how they don't know anyone who enjoys giving blowjobs at the very end of 508. I will say that I do know people who do. I will also admit that I fall into this category (it's one of those big indicators of my bisexuality). I also had to laugh when (a while ago) they asserted that no female, gay or straight, is averse to oral stimulation. Sadly, I've known a handful of straight girls who are too self-conscious.

How's that for too much information? Happy Friday!

"The Fonz"

I saw the episode of Law and Order SVU that Katherine Moennig was on. She looked cute (as usual), but she certainly wasn't acting all suave like Shane. She plays an MTF. It was my second time seeing it. It is, as one would expect with this genre of television, a very sad episode.

Things do not end well for her character: she gets convicted for murder (when she was really defending herself against a guy who was about to attack her after discovering she's trans). Then the state refused to recognize her as a female, so she's sent to a men's prison where she's attacked. UGH!

It was interesting, however, to see her play a female who is attracted to males. Her character had a boyfriend, and you see them kissing. It wasn't too weird, but it was still odd. She did a bit of her leaning, which was nice. And her boyfriend (who didn't initially know she was an MTF) wasn't exactly the most masculine of men; his voice was kind of high and scratchy.

I kind of had to chuckle when her boyfriend was all shocked when he found out she was trans though; he was like, "But I've seen her breasts!" Umm...she isn't exactly stacked buddy!

Questions:
-How accurate is all this from a legal perspective?
-Was the casting of her not-so-manly boyfriend intentional?
-How often do pre-op trans people try to fool their partners?
-How often are they able to make their relationships work when they reveal the truth?

You Know You're a Big Queer When...

You spend a solid 20 seconds checking out the woman on the left before noticing the one on the right:


Although Sarah Shahi has a better body than Daniela Sea. And she's obviously a better dancer. So I guess the score is even.

"Women aren't his type."

• I was reminsicing about The Simpsons with a friend, and she pointed out that Smithers's crush on Mr. Burns was probably her first exposure to gayness via television. It was probably mine too. And what an odd first exposure it was.

• I saw The Manny on Law and Order SVU; he played a man in a gay relationship who also raped women. He had a hot boyfriend, but he was still ashamed. His character seemed to have a complex over how women aren't attracted to him. But it seemed like the real issue was that he just didn't like women, but he couldn't accept it. It was interesting. SVU usually does a good job of incorporating gay issues into the storylines without being cliche.

• I've noticed that there are a few actors (e.g. Collin Farrel, Bobby Cannavale, Dallas Roberts, etc.) who have played gay roles on more than one occasion. Is it because they themselves are gay? Or because they can act gay? Or because they care about acting in diverse roles? Or do they just take whatever work comes their way?
  

Err...

Friend: they'd make a cute couple
Friend: well
Friend: ugly couple
Friend: but matching
Me: EWWW
Me: when i think of gay men kissing, i want them to be hot
Friend: lol
Friend: there are a lot of ugly gay men
Friend: that are in relationships
Me: hush!
Me: ugly ppl need to get it on too
Friend: aw you're like one of those straight men that is only turned on by hot lesbians, but is homophobic towards masculine ones
Me: whoa, what?
Me: that's not entirely true
Friend: “when i think of gay men kissing, i want them to be hot”
Friend: lol
Me: oh. well. okay.
Me: maybe you're right
Friend: yea
Me: dammnit!

Episode 508: "Lay Down the Law"

It is quite possible that there are only four episodes of The L Word left..ever! AHHHH!

People need to stop saying "podcast " on this show. It's so irritating! They're trying too hard to be hip.

Are they insinuating that there is a closeted actress on the show? If it's Katherine Moennig, um, big shocker. I'm going to hope it's Mia Kirshner.

Opening Scene: Yawn.

TiBette: You know they're just drawing out the whole process of them getting back together. Tina's hair is a lot better than Bette's though. As Tina, I would withhold sex until Bette fixed that. But Jennifer Beals's (smokin') post-pregnancy body beats Laurel Holloman's. So I guess they're even.

Jodi: I actually liked how Jodi stood up to Bette in this episode. Although her party of ex's wasn't the greatest idea.

Shane: She was so cute and funny! She really has mastered the art of being funny while getting walked in on; it's probably happened to her so many times. She ALMOST had a boob on her head again. But I do think Shane's interest in Molly is solely based on the fact that she needs a challenge to be interested in someone for more than a few hours.

Molly: Her name doesn't fit her personality at all. But, uh, she's kind of hot. I wouldn't date her. But her dry bitchiness reminds me of...me. Hah, I'm no narcissist. I wonder if she'll give into Shane eventually. I could sort of see them working because Shane is very prone to boredom, and Molly has personality.

Phyllis: Why the hell did she put on her sunglasses indoors where her daughter knew she already was sitting? The silly stupidity of that made me laugh.

Adele: She was looking good. I'm curious to know that actress's ethnicity. But I'm not curious enough to look it up. Her target appears to be Jenny. Does she want to be Jenny? Does she want Jenny to be heartbroken? Does she want to replace Jenny as director?

Alice: Normally I would be applauding her sassyness in the courtroom, but I'm just not feeling the Alice love this season. And no good lawyer would have allowed her to rant like that. C'mon. I have watched a LOT of crime dramas ( The Practice, CSI, Law and Order SVU, etc) to know that.

Tasha: I'm glad there was a happy ending, I find it hard to believe that she would just change her mind so quickly like that. They didn't really show her experience an epiphany; she just suddenly decided to throw away her military career even though she was aware of its bigoted hypocrisy all along. Oh well. As if realism is a goal for this show.

Max and Helena: Where were they? I almost forgot about them. But, with this show, I think it's better to leave a character out of an episode than to give them a few minutes of shitty coverage.

I'll Flatter You If I Want To

Some of my queer female friends and acquaintences have expressed their fears about coming out to all their straight female friends because they're afraid their friends will then think that they're going to get hit on. Jeez, talk about flattering oneself. Newsflash: the gays can be just as picky as anyone.

I haven't had this problem though. At least as far as I know. I don't have any sort of mixed feelings for any of my straight friends, and I'm pretty sure they know that. I really just don't look at them in that way, and the thought of pursuing anything feels incestuous and wrong.

My friends are all beautiful though. In different ways too. I'm not bragging; I'm just objectively expressing my appreciation.

A few weeks ago, however, I had a momentary lapse in my aforementioned objectivity. I had a realization that came out of nowhere: wow, I have a REALLY hot friend! I immediately felt flustered, ashamed, and worried that things might turn weird.

My embarrassment forced me to block out the dirty mental images that passed through my mind. But then I let myself glance at them and realized they were too weird. My objectivity emerged again, and order was restored within my psyche. Phew!

More Praise

I had an odd dream last night: I dreamt that there was a group of anti-Kelka people and they were called The Rush-ians. I wonder if there actually are gay people out there who are against Kelka. I'm sure there are. I wouldn't call them The Rush-ians though; I'd call them The Personality-Challenged.

Sometimes I feel like a fuckin' Jehovah's Witness by trying to get more people to convert to Kelkianism. I'm just trying to save the ignorant and show them the light. What's wrong with pointing them to free, drugless laughter? I was talking to Suzanna, and we shared our mutual frustrations over this.

Also, I couldn't listen to Kelka for an entire week. I'd rather not explain why, but I will say that it was awful. I went through significant withdrawal symptoms (namely crankiness). There is going to need to be a support group for when they stop podcasting.

I watched 508, but after watching two new episodes in one week, I feel confused about what happens in which. I will say that I enjoyed 508 more than 507. I'm going to have to watch it again.

Praise Kelka! Happy Friday! Nipple Cupcakes!

Say What?

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Episode 507: "Lesbians Gone Wild!"

In spite of this episode's title, I felt a bit bored watching it. I don't have too much to say about it. Hopefully there will be more to say when I get around to watching 508.

Opening Scene: It was slightly amusing to see Jenny staring into the camera all oblivious with her thick nerd glasses. But they're overdoing the Lez Girls thing.

Tina: She was lookin' pretty fine this episode.

Bette: When the hell is she gonna dump Jodi's ass?

Tasha: Is it just me, or does the Cuntface prosecuting Tasha seem like a repressed homo who needs to unleash her rage on those who are out?

Alice: I understand her aggravation with people staying in the closet, but she needs to learn when to keep her trap shut. Additionally, she wasn't looking as cute as she usually does.

Jenny: I dunno why I like her and Nikki together. Their giggliness reminds me of me when I'm under the knife that is intense infatuation.

Nikki: Elka is right; Nikki's nose is too small. And wouldn't she get into more trouble for constantly running off the set?

Kit: Funny.

Molly: I'm creeped out by how much Molly resembles her mom. Even though it makes sense and all. I do and don't like the attitude she's giving Shane. It's nice to see someone who is able to resist her, but she was sorta flattering herself. And her sudden love for the wrestling seemed out of character.

Shane: I'm curious to see if she'll bag Molly. A little bit of rejection could be good for her.

Adele: Uhhh...?

Do I LOOK Like I Care?

I admit that I have some issues with breeders, but it's annoying when parents have to brag about their kids at inappropriate times and/or to inappropriate degrees. For example, a classmate of mine showed pictures of her infant to the rest of the class. I like kids, and I like being an aunt, but um...

Helooo! This is an academic forum! Pictures of your homely offspring are not relevant to the course material!

Although, for all I know, she could have been a raging dyke. Either way, it was irritating.

In Between Worlds

A few months ago, I happpened to have a conversation with a girl who also identifies as bi. She was a few years younger than I am, and she was engaged. We weren't exactly in the most open of forums, but somehow gayness came up, and we started talking openly.

She may have been young, but she was smarter than she looked: she sorta looked like an Asian Jessica Alba. She was telling me how she and her fiancee are swingers: they have threesomes all the time, they go to swingers parties, and they're working on setting up a new community. At first, my response was something along the lines of, "Daym! You go girl! Way to put a dent in heterosexual monogamy!"

Then I started probing her further to find out how bi she really is. She said she's only interested in having sex with girls and with sharing them with her fiancee. She could never see herself emotionally attached to one. I guess one could call her 75% straight. On some level, these types annoy me, but they can't help who they are. Sometimes I think I could be 75% gay.

It was then that I realized that she almost gets the best of both worlds: she's happily in a relationship with a guy, but she still gets to sleep with girls, and no one gives her crap about it because she's closeted.

That sounds dirty to me. Is that really the best of both worlds? I should hope not.

Praise Friday

I feel like crap today. Both emotionally and physically. And I'm not PMS'ing. I noticed that when I'm not feeling great (and when I don't have the option of calling a friend), most of my ways of cheering myself up are pretty gay:

• Listen to Kelka (duh)
• Read Riese's blog
• Find clips like this and this on youtube
• And it's been almost a year since I've kept this blog; I didn't think I'd stick to it for this long. But I try to keep posting to it even if I'm busy because it relaxes me.
• It is at this point that I should say that I do NOT own anything with a rainbow on it.
  

Happy Friday people. Happy GAY Valentine's Day! And praise the plethora of Kelka podcasts!

Eye Roll

I don't really have anything gay to say today. Except that it's kind of irritating when you tell a guy you're bi, and then he gets all turned on. And then he expects you to praise him for being so open-minded and non-homophobic. Like he's just so original and progessive.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Brief Notes

• Most bisexuals I know (myself included) find it offensive to be called "straight" or "kinda gay."


• I've put on a few pounds in the past month or so. This makes me feel more like a woman. But isn't that ironic since thinness is more of a female preoccupation?
  


• Even the most open-minded straight person can overreact to the small bits of him/herself that are queer.

• I don't get purses. I mean, I get the purpose they serve, but I don't get how one is supposed to carry such an odd thing around all the time. I didn't even realize the "no purses" stereotype till Kelka pointed it out. I certainly fulfill it.

Episode 506: "Lights! Camera! Action!"

Opening Scene: It was amusing, but I'm tired of the Lez Girls storyline. It's not a strong enough storyline to take up this much of the season.

Tasha: Um, she looked hot with that hair. God damn. I'd like to see her try to make it work with Alice though. Even though they do have their disagreements.

Alice: Even though I haven't been a big Alice fan this season, I felt bad for her when she was alone crying over the breakup. She's just so irresistibly cute.

Jenny: I had to laugh the moment Adele put Nicorette into Jenny's mouth. I'm wondering if the fact that Nikki is a closeted lesbian actor is supposed to indicate that Mia Kirshner might be at least bi?

Adele: I have NO idea what she's up to. I'm curious.

Kit: Her gun obsession is a bit creepy. Understandable, but creepy.

Max: Why does he have to walk with such a lame, dorky gait? Why can't he get a better haircut? He's such a cutie, but they don't optimize on his looks enough.

Shane: Shane is dreeeamy with glasses. Sigh. Dawn Denbo is obnoxious and abrasive, but I find her entertaining. Shane's taste in women is getting worse though. Dawn and Cindy are both just gross.

Tina: I like how she initiated an interaction with Bette by coming over and by being the first one to make the move. Their first sex scene was fine until they started the lame ass "dirty" talking again.

Bette: I liked what she was wearing when she was cooking. It was cute and in character. I liked seeing her be a bit more vulnerable. Even though I love bitchy, bossy Bette. I could feel her impatience with Phyllis though; Phyllis needs to stop using Bette and Jodi as the Lesbian Welcome Wagon.

TiBette: They're clearly trying to show the ways in which both women have become more well-rounded since season one: Tina is more assertive and has her own career. Bette isn't as controlling or career-centric (partly symbolized by her cooking).

I like how they just panned to the bedroom to their second sex scene. It was reminiscent of their first sex scene in the pilot. And it looked more reciprocal. It was hot. It looks like they might do a decent, somewhat realistic job of these two getting back together. Or not.

Jodi: Of course Jodi martyrs herself for Bette to make their pending breakup that much harder for Bette to initiate. Ahh, the drama

Questions:

-Why was everyone saying "It's on!!"? These are adults here.
-Why doesn't Lover Cindy just level with Dawn?
-Why did the writers of the show think it'd be interesting to recycle season 1?
-Why is Dana dead?
-How many licks does it take to get to the center of Tootsie Roll pop?

Cont'd

"Quit saying that, chickenface!"-Elka, trying to be creative, but turning out dorky and ineffectual instead

"He's a smoooth operator!"-KC, referring to Max's pitiful dancing skills

"My experience with poop has been vast."-Elka, sharing a portion of her resume

"She's like 'Oh you collect art. Spread your legs!'"-KC, imitating Tina's date (whom she fucked on the first date)

"Did somebody abuse you with farts?"-Elka, probing KC about her childhood trauma

"Do you know who Carmen is-have you ever seen The L Word-have you ever thought about being gay?-how about right now? how about now?"-An old quote from KC, stating what she wish she could have asked her Spanish teacher

Zap!

There are some stereotypical manly men who bring out the stereotypical doting straight girl in me: Viggo Mortensen (as Aragorn in Lord of the Rings), Brad Pitt, Christopher Meloni, Clive Owen, etc. I wouldn't necessarily expect these men to convincingly play gay characters. But Christopher Meloni did in Oz, and I recently saw Bent, in which Clive Owen also plays a convincing, sweet, and persecuted gay man.

I also wouldn't expect it to be hot to see these manly straight men go gay, but it was. Then I thought about the gaydar guns and who I'd like to play for which team. Here are some people I'd like to zap to the gay team:

1. Carly Pope: Of course she'd be at the top of my list. But she's played some gay roles, so who knows!
2. Natalie Portman: She's already admitted to wanting a girlfriend, so she wouldn't need a full-blown zap.
3. Stephanie March: There is something about the way she talks on Law and Order SVU that just does it for me.
4. Katherine Moennig: I still think she could be straight.
5. Jude Law: Umm...yum!
   

I agree with Elka about kicking Rosie O'Donnel off the team. I could stand to get rid of Richard Simmon too. I kid. Where the hell would they go?

Confessions Cont'd

1) I think I have a non-sexual crush on a co-worker. I thought the non-sexual crushes would go away when I finally accepted my own gayness. But I find myself looking forward to talking to her and making sure I look presentable for her; I feel 15 again.

Maybe this crush is non-sexual because she's married and at least ten years older than I am. But we have a lot in common, and I like her sense of style. She has also said some gay-friendly things. But doing her conjures up awkward mental pictures. Ah well, I might as well just roll with it.

2) I think I sort of have "Boob Ego" (no, I'm not trying to coin another lame term like "Nipple Confidence"). They're not ginormous, but anytime they show boobs on the show, I think, "Pfft, mine are better. " I'm a bitch; I totally thought this when they showed Helena's. I will not, however, pretend to think that mine are in the same league as Tasha or Alice's.

3) I kind of don't want The L Word to be renewed for a 6th season. I love life during Kelka/Riese season, but I just don't see much potential for engaging storylines to sustain us for another full season. I could be wrong.

And a part of me feels surprised that the show has continued on for two seasons AFTER the season in which they fucked so much up (der, season 3). I'd be sad when the show ends, but it might be best for them to end on a decent note than to drag things out.

Meh

Last night I was flipping through the channels searching for a good crime drama to unwind to (SVU or CSI, preferably). But none were on. I ended up finding a special called Born in the Wrong Body. It was about three FTM's who were about to get bottom surgery.

I was multi-tasking as I watched, but I believe the states they were in wouldn't allow them to legally change their genders to male until they got their genitals changed. I think that's lame: anatomy shouldn't determine gender identity.

Their surgeries, interestingly enough, were performed by a lesbian MTF. And apparently Trinidad, Colorado is a sex change surgery hub.

These MTF's had already transitioned socially, emotionally, and physically. They were all in relationships with women. In the end, they seemed happy with the procedures. One of the three couples ended up getting married. It was then that I felt slightly irritated. If you're a woman who wants to marry a woman, you can do so if you take testoserone, cut your boobs off, and get a surgery to make your genitals to oppose your wife's?

I support the trannies, but that's a bit unfair to me. But it's not really surprising.

Friendship=Foreplay?

People have been talking about whether or not single, gay friends can stay friends. I'm going to go ahead and say that they can. It's not always inevitable that one person will yawn and put their arm around the other. While I definitely think friendship can make the best brand of foreplay (whether it's intentional or not), being friends with someone doesn't guarantee that the right elements for a romantic relationship/physical interaction are there.

But, when you're friends with someone, your guard is down, you can be yourself, and you have more of an opportunity to get to know the person without the pressure of worrying about if they like you. And sometimes, the more you learn about someone, the more you grow to love them even if you didn't feel an initial spark towards them. I guess it just depends on the situation.

But just because two people can hook up doesn't mean that they should hook up. I have a handful of attractive gay/bi friends whom I have no intention of seeing naked. We just wouldn't be able to transition into that sort of an interaction.

It's kind of funny because, a few weeks ago, I was telling one of my closest friends that I should put more efforts into getting laid. And, unexpectedly, she offered, "I'd fuck you! But that'd be weird, and I value our friendship too much." I agree with her: it would be weird in an "omigod-I'm-screwing-my-sister" sort of way.

Moral of the story: Shane and Jenny should not hook up.

Episode 505: "Lookin' At You Kid"

Opening Scene: I still haven't decided how I feel about this whole "movie within a movie" thing. I'm going to try to reserve judgement until the season is over. Is Ilene trying to passively-aggressively tell us what it was like to create The L Word? Or is it just a display of her ability to laugh at herself? I laughed (in my head) when I saw the actor playing Nina; she seemed like the token out lesbian in the cast who probably has something with a rainbow on it.

Alice: My negative feelings towards her are growing; I hope it doesn't get to a point where her bitchiness blocks the cuteness receptors in my brain. The whole story about the gay basketball player making public, homophobic statements is kinda forced and unrealistic. I see Alice's point in pointing out his hypocrisy, but she clearly didn't consider the consequences it'd have for Tasha. And who the fuck is she to be so self-righteous? She can't even treat Max with respect.

Shane: I'm getting bored with her screwing every chick again. I think Lover Cindy is kinda gross, but I'll admit she has a nice body (are her boobs real though? Her flat ass certainly is). I'm surprised Shane isn't skeptical of Adele too; she's usually perceptive when it comes to reading people. And Katherine Moennig could really stand to gain ten pounds. She looks better clothed.

Max: Sub-par dancing skills aside, I thought Max was looking kinda cute this episode. I'm sick of everyone treating him like shit. I'd expect it from Jenny, but not Shane. Max totally has the skills to find another job, move out, and make awesome, queer friends who will treat him well. But why would he do that? He has to be a puppet in Ilene's PSA on how the "T's" in "GLBT" aren't treated well.

Jenny: She and Nikki are actually cute together. But I had to laugh when they started to get it on: OF COURSE, Jenny, the narcissistic Princess of Darkness, would have sex with an actress playing herself in her own movie.

Tina: She looked pretty irritated with Bette when Bette started her classic routine of unloading on Tina.

Bette: I enjoyed her defensiveness at the party. It was well-written and very Bette. But I'm glad she acknowledged that there might be some truth to what "Bella" was saying.

TiBette: Okay, they clearly both want each other back. And that whole routine at the end where Tina gets too drunk and Jodi takes her home was a bit too obvious and predictable. But that's okay; it comes with the genre.

The Party: That definitely made me want to dance and giggle. It was very cute.
The Music: I like!
The Nakedness: I know many will probably disagree with me, but I think it's a bit excessive. It's too intentional. But whatever, it's a minor complaint.

It's gettin' hot in here...

Okay, I feel a little lame for my post title, but I'm too lazy to think of anything more clever right now.

A short while ago, while shopping, a friend of mine asked me a question that threw me off guard. The conversation went a little something like this:

Friend: Want to go to a strip club with me?
Me: Huh? With men or women on the stage?
Friend: Women.
Me: Ew, no!
Friend: Why not?
Me: I'm not PAYING to to see women take off their clothes and be raunchy. Especially women who probably have had implants.
Friend: Well...
Me: And I do NOT want to be in an audience with a bunch of desperate straight dudes.
Friend: I'm just saying it could be a fun way to see some naked ladies.
Me: If I really needed that, I could just look at myself.
Friend: Then what's the point in even wanting to date a girl since you are one?
Me: Well, I'm already in a relationship with myself, and I always will be. But if I want a relationship with someone else, then why be choosy as to if it's with a male or female?

For the record, if she had asked me to go to a strip club featuring men, I still would have said no; the thought of naked men flashing their pieces at me while dancing sounds completely ridiculous. But I don't think men are usually hot when they dance...at least in comparison to women.

But the thought of using my money to objectify other women doesn't sit right with me. I (usually) don't want to be reduced to just my body. On the other hand, I have no problem with objectifying men. I'm well-aware that they have feelings and can be mature, but it seems less offensive to just use the right type of guy for his wang. Maybe this is a double standard.

I aksed another friend what her take on it was:

Me: would you go to a strip club featuring women?
Friend: fuck yes
Friend: actually a friend and i have been talking about going to this burlesque place in lincoln square, which is not strictly speaking a Strip Club, but definitely does involve girls getting naked for money
Me: i see
Me: but...it's objectification
Me: and...paying for objectification
Friend: that's one way to see it
Friend: another way is liberation
Friend: i take pornographic photos of myself
Friend: i choose what i look like
Friend: i choose who sees them
Friend: and if i were to sell them, i'd choose to whom and for how much
Friend: people are always going to like to see naked ladies
Friend: the extent to which it's a pimp/whore relationship, and who controls their nakedness, the seeing and what it costs if anything is variable
Friend: being anti-sex about it misses the point
Me: hm, i see what you're saying
Me: i dunno
Me: i guess i'd prefer emotions about the girl and who she is to be involved in the de-clothing process

I suppose that some situations in the nakedness/money exchange could be more empowering (for those getting naked) than others. We cannot change the power of naked ladies, but I suppose we can change the contexts in which they get naked so they're safer.

Guess the Theme

"She was like a tube with partial boobs or something."-KC referring to the old lady Shane fucked at the wedding

"Rewind, play, rewind, play, rewind, play, rewind, play, screensaver, cell phone background picture, picture above the fireplace!"-KC, commenting on the awesome, hot scene in which Jenny grabs her own boob as she flirts with Shane

"For some reason I think showing only one boob is artsy."-Elka, being adorably irrational

"She looks terrible..it's like..give that girl some boob right away!"-Elka, on how the celibate Shane looks crappy

"But if you're actually talking to the person upon which the boobs reside, you don't say, like, 'You have beautiful boobs.' That's just weird.-KC, commenting on how there isn't a sexy, non-pig-male word for breasts

"If you choose to do that [get breast implants], it's more like you care about how look more than you care about how nice it is to actually fuck you. Don't you think? Cus even small boobs feel nice; they just don't look as good....before you write me angry e-mails, I have small boobs, okay, so I don't want The Itty Bitty Titty Committee sending me an e-mail compaign about how I offended them and their small boobs."-Elka, discussing implants and covering her tracks